How Our Babysitter Lost My Trust

Many years ago, when our daughter Alison was a toddler, we hired a neighborhood teen to babysit. “Jane” seemed to genuinely enjoy being with Alison and took good care of her while we were gone.

A short time later, I happened to run into Jane and her mother outside the local grocery store. What started out as a friendly exchange suddenly turned to feelings of shock and horror.

That’s because I just happened to look at Jane’s hand as she brought it up to wipe her bangs out of her face.

On her finger was one of my rings.

A sickening feeling settled into my stomach as the reality sank in. The only way she could have gotten access to that ring was to go into my closet and then into my jewelry box. I felt violated and betrayed. I had trusted her not just with Alison but with everything in our house.

My heart felt like it was going to pound through my chest when I said, “That is MY ring you’re wearing. You stole that from my house.”

Now it was her mother’s turn to look horrified. She looked at her daughter, then at me and then back at Jane. “Is that true?” she asked Jane.

At first Jane denied it. But when I described where and when I’d purchased the ring, she admitted that she had taken it.

Her mother was mortified because she and I were good friends. She had eagerly volunteered Jane’s services when she’d learned we were looking for a babysitter. And of course, I assumed Jane could be trusted.

Clearly, I’d been wrong about that.

This was a very awkward moment for all of us. Jane removed the ring from her finger, and handed it to me. “I’m sorry,” she muttered.

I had to ask the question. “Did you take anything else?”

“No,” she said, looking down at the ground.

At that point I had no confidence in her answer, but I couldn’t be sure if anything else was missing until I returned home to check.

Meanwhile, we parted ways.

A few hours later, Jane and her father appeared at our front door. In her hands she carried another piece of jewelry and two other personal items. She could barely look at me, but she placed them in my hands and said, “I’m so sorry. These are yours, too.”

The three of us had a lengthy conversation, processing what she had done.

I explained that stealing is a criminal offense and I could call the police to report the theft. Although I assured them I was not going to do that, I did tell her there would be a significant consequence. She had violated the trust we’d put in her, and she would never be allowed in our home again. I wasn’t willing to risk her stealing or lying to me again.

The Moral of the Story

Building trust requires character strength, especially when no one else is looking. It’s easy to act impulsively and not think through the potential consequences of our actions. We’ve all faced situations where we have to make moral and ethical choices. We’d do well to heed this wisdom from Thomas Jefferson:

“Whenever you do a thing, act as if all the world were watching."

Here’s the harsh reality. When you intentionally do something wrong, even when it looks like you got away with it, somebody gets hurt. Your relationship with those affected by your actions could be permanently destroyed if they find out.

And even if no one else ever knows, YOU know.

You know what you did was not aligned with your values, so your conscience will bother you. The incident can cause lasting damage to your self-image and your self-respect. You can lose trust in yourself to do the right thing in the future.

So whenever you’re faced with hard choices or conflicting alternatives, just be honest with yourself. In almost every case, you’ll know in your heart the right thing to do.

And each time you do the right thing, you'll have no regrets, nothing to hide, and nothing to feel guilty about. You’ll build trust with others and with yourself.

Learn More

What if you could help every leader in your organization strengthen their trustworthiness and ability to trust others?

Now you can, with GSL SkillBuilder .

This unique, online self-paced program strengthens 36 character skills and 10 high-impact communication skills that every leader needs to be effective.

Watch this one-minute video about Trust, explaining what trust is and why it’s important.

Contact me to find out how you can use GSL SkillBuilder in your leadership development programs.

About Meredith

Meredith Bell is the Co-founder and President of Grow Strong Leaders . Her company publishes assessment and development tools that help people build strong relationships at work and at home. Meredith is the author of three books, and the host of the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast .

You can get details about Meredith’s books, products, and podcast at GrowStrongLeaders.com .