How Open Questions on R U OK Day Can Make a Difference

R U OK Day is approaching and as someone who fully supports this initiative, there's something I've noticed. I've rarely had someone say "No, they aren't okay" on this day and open up. Have you? I'd love to know.

So far, most people I've asked have answered they're OK (which is great), smiled and been grateful for the check in. Is this that everyone I've asked is really OK? Or is it because it's our natural reflex to say yes?

Perhaps by asking the question, it has triggered thought and reflection and prompted someone who might have said that they're OK (but in reality, struggling) to later recognise and maybe seek help or feel comfortable speaking up.

I used to be a Lifeline counsellor and one of my main takeaways (of which there were many) was that it taught me, paired with skilled training, to tune into my gut instinct. You know that feeling that you can't shake? If you give your gut instinct space, attention and focus, it will help to guide you. Tuning into it is like flexing a muscle and it takes practice to know when to use it and how to use it. We all have this to aid and assist in our everyday lives. I learned to flex my gut instinct and by pairing that with skills, resources and experience, it served so well when picking up the phone to someone living in Australia in crisis.

This R U OK day, I ask you to listen to your gut instinct.

Take note of the people in your life and the challenges they face (sometimes silently). Is there someone who you know, who could benefit from a rephrase?

"It's R U OK Day today and everyone's asking R U OK, which made me want to ask how are you going?"

Closed and Open questions.

Closed questions like "R U OK?" Ask for a yes/no response. Open questions promote room for longer replies and more engagement. By rephrasing "R U OK" to "It's? R U OK day today, how are you?" - it's a simple rephrase but partnering this with making time available and that is an opening, a real one.

If someone is not okay, it's really about gauging how you can help.

We haven't really been taught what to do if they say no. What would you do if your colleague says no? Encourage them to talk about what's going on, offer moral support and encourage them to seek professional help? I think that's what we'd all do and yes this will go a long way.

It's okay to admit that you don't have all the answers (it's actually more comforting rather than pretending you do) You can reassure them that you're there and can help find the support they need.

My final point I'd love to make is what happens if you, yourself are not OK on R U OK Day? Are you going to ask the question at work or in the community, hear all the "Yes's" and reply "Yes"? Do you have capacity to ask the question to those around you?

Let me tell you, I've been there, I've not been OK on R U OK day. A few years back as a newly single mother, in the midst of covid, I was working two jobs and studying with little to no child care support with my family in another state. At the time I was also managing heartbreak and shock. On R U OK day, I smiled at everyone and checked in with them, answering yes myself. I couldn't let anyone in, every day I needed to keep showing up for my son, in reality I was scared and alone. I couldn't tell anyone I wasn't OK because I HAD to be OK. And it's OK that I wasn't ready to talk, but what I do remember at that time are all the gestures and check-ins, so what you are doing by checking in will be remembered and will help.

This R U OK day, I plan to block off some time, listen to my gut instinct and do a little outreach and you can too.

Is there someone you've crossed paths with who you could check in with? Someone at your local supermarket, sporting club, in your broader network, your hairdresser, in my case - a candidate from 2 months ago? Checking in with someone from outside your inner circle of work colleagues, friends and family could be a blessing.

Check in with those close as well, listen to your gut instinct and consider rephrasing to an open question.

R U OK Day is Thursday September 14th

@R U OK?

Resources?for support:

Lifeline Australia : 13 11 14

Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800

Counselling and Psychologists in your area can be found with a google search, a referral?from Lifeline or your GP.?

General Practitioners can provide you with a mental healthcare plan, which will provide you with access to 10 mental health appointments per calendar year, funded by Medicare.

Check with your workplace, if they offer an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) - This is a voluntary and confidential service available to assist employees.