How One Leader Changed a Rival into an Ally

Did you get to watch the memorial service for President Jimmy Carter earlier in January? I was moved by two of the eulogies, but first and foremost, I appreciated the tribute given by Steven Ford, the son of former President Gerald Ford.

He gave it to fulfill a promise his father had made years earlier.

Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford were rivals who ran against each other in the 1976 presidential election. Carter was a Democrat, and Ford, a Republican. They debated each other, stood for different political ideologies and shared some not so flattering flaws about their rival during the campaign. Yet, in the eulogy Ford wrote, he said this:

“By fate, for a brief season, Jimmy Carter and I were rivals. But for the many wonderful years that followed, a friendship bonded us as no two presidents since John Adams and Thomas Jefferson.”

This is rare today, in a world that is angry, yelling, and polarized.

Five Strategies to Turn a Rival into an?Ally

They became friends and agreed that each would offer a eulogy at the other’s funeral. They chuckled, knowing that only one of them would be able to honor that commitment. As it turned out, Jimmy Carter lived a century, and Steve Ford read his father’s eulogy for President Carter at the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. During that eulogy, I was moved to laughter and tears as I witnessed how to forge a friendship with a foe.

1???Find a way to get near to them.

I’ve become convinced that psychologist Brené Brown was right when she said, “It’s hard to hate people up close.” Steven read his father’s words: "In the summer of 1981, the two of us found ourselves together again, this time aboard Air Force One, bound for the funeral of the great peacemaker Anwar Sadat. There's an old line to the effect that ‘two presidents in a room is one too many.’ Frankly, I wondered how awkward that long flight might be to Cairo. And it was a long flight. But the return trip was not nearly long enough, for it was somewhere over the Atlantic that Jimmy and I forged a friendship that transcends politics. We immediately decided to exercise one of the privileges of a former president, forgetting that either one of us had ever said any harsh words about the other one in the heat of battle." The two spent time together, which totally changed their narrative.

2???Practice the 101% Principle.

One idea I learned from John Maxwell back in the 1980s was this: When you disagree with someone, find the one percent you have in common and give it one hundred percent of your attention. Soon, you’ll discover that what you focus on expands. You’ll find yourself overlapping on several items, which builds comradery. Much like the separation between conservative and liberal ideologies, Ford was from Michigan and Carter from Georgia. Again, however, Ford spoke about how that distance was bridged. “According to a map, it’s a long way between Grand Rapids, Michigan and Plains, Georgia. But distances have a way of vanishing when measured by values rather than miles. And it is because of our shared values that Jimmy and I respected each other as adversaries, even before we cherished each other as dear friends.”

3???Get beyond the job.

It’s difficult to stay conflicted when both you and your rival get personal, when you discover something about each other’s challenges and hardships. I’ve found this to be true with several people during my lifetime. While I tend to like most people I meet, there have been some who got under my skin and I disliked them deeply. That is, until I got to know them more personally. Ford wrote: “Once we got past our professional careers as a topic, we moved on to more enjoyable subjects (read this as more defining and personal topics) like our families, our faith and sharing our experiences as we discovered that there was, indeed, life after the White House.”

4???Find ways to insert humor into your experience.

Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter laughed together, a lot. Humor lubricates friction and reduces conflict. I’m not suggesting this as a defense mechanism but as a quality that introduces humanity into an interaction. It’s hard to be divisive when laughing together.

Ford continued: "Now, of course, not all Jimmy's time was spent building houses, eradicating disease, brokering ceasefires and monitoring elections. While Jimmy is probably the only former president to conduct a weekly Bible class, I know for certain he is the only former president to perform a duet of ‘On the Road Again’ with Willie Nelson. Georgia wasn't just on Jimmy's mind. It was in his blood.” Ford and Carter would often joke together about how they’d both married way beyond themselves. They each knew they were human and their wives, likely more divine. Humor gave them perspective.

5???Jump on board with a cause you both believe in.

One paramount bonding experience, especially for rivals, is to identify an issue the other believes in (and that doesn’t violate your own values) and help them with it. While it sounds counter-intuitive, there are few things that bring people closer than looking outward and finding a purpose you can lock arms in for the greater good. Ford and Carter both told reporters how they agreed on several key issues such as the U.S. taking a tougher stand on the conflict in the Middle East and several domestic problems among women and children. Ford and Carter commiserated over the high cost of building presidential libraries. Ford said, “On the spot we both committed to participate in programs at each other’s library beginning with a series of conferences on arms control.” Ford explained they ruffled feathers on both sides of the aisle in Washington, D.C. and they did it together, as a team of rivals.

These rivals were much more united than divided. I believe we can learn from?them.

Listen to Steve Ford’s eulogy:

Watch now??