How to Be Okay Being Alone

Discover the Art of Self-Awareness According to a Leading Psychologist

It’s 4:40 a.m. on a Summer weekday in Scottsdale, Arizona. I’m ten minutes into a two-and-a-half-hour bicycle ride.

I’m alone, soft-pedaling into the sunrise, and feel like the world's richest man. But the truth is, it’s taken me a lifetime to know who I am.

And in that way, I am okay when I am alone.

To be okay with being alone, we must learn to be okay with who we are.

To do that, we must somehow figure out who we are instead of who we’ve become to please others, including our family, culture, community, and employer.

In other words, we have to know our true, authentic selves.

"Many people suffer from the fear of finding oneself alone, and so they don't find themselves at all." - Rollo May

Knowing who you are makes it much easier to know who you’re not.

Rollo May was a pioneering American existential psychologist known for his profound insights into the human condition, freedom, and anxiety. He was born on April 21, 1909, and died on October 22, 1994.

In "Man's Search for Himself," May explores the deep loneliness, boredom, and anxiety people experience in modern society. The book was first published in 1953.

May argues that true freedom comes from self-awareness and the courage to face our inner fears and anxieties.

May highlights the importance of living authentically and finding personal meaning amidst societal pressures. He emphasizes that personal growth and creativity require solitude and the willingness to confront one’s deepest fears.

According to May, cultivating inner strength and integrity is crucial for personal well-being and positively influencing those around us.

Here are six powerful key takeaways to help you start feeling okay today:

1. Self-awareness is the path to personal freedom. True freedom begins with self-awareness, which involves recognizing and taking responsibility for personal development and choices.
2. Overcoming anxiety takes courage. Courage is essential to confronting and overcoming the anxieties of achieving freedom. It’s the capacity to continue despite despair and embrace individuality against societal pressures.
3. Solitude is priceless. Constructive use of solitude is vital for creativity and personal growth. Overcoming the fear of being alone allows us to understand ourselves and our needs.
4. Cultivate inner strength. Finding and cultivating inner strength is crucial. It helps us handle personal crises and positively influences those around us.
5. Know that your purpose is to love. Many of us struggle with emptiness and lack of purpose. Finding personal meaning and goals can address this when we know that our ultimate purpose is to learn to love life and to make the best of it. Loving begins within each of us.
6. Be yourself as you find yourself. Living authentically means standing up for our true selves, even against cultural norms. Authenticity brings deeper fulfillment and personal integrity.

Rollo May's insights remind us that the fear of being alone often prevents us from discovering our true selves. By embracing solitude, we learn to distinguish between who we are and who external influences have conditioned us to be.

In "Man's Search for Himself," we learn that true freedom comes from understanding our inner selves and facing our fears head-on.

Embracing solitude and inner strength not only aids in our journey but also allows us to impact those around us positively. Despite societal pressures, living authentically leads to a more profound sense of fulfillment and integrity.

As you pedal into your day, carry these lessons with you, striving to live a life of authenticity and courage.

To know yourself is to love yourself for who you are.

And in truth, we are never alone.

Serving conscious, coachable company founders and leaders as an executive ghostwriter, brand-builder, and strategic coach. Family man, writer, artist, mental health advocate. Sign up for my newsletter at www.TheClarityLetter.com or connect with me at www.CliffordJones.com.