How to network like a PRO
I'm always fascinated by people at professional gatherings who have the easiest time chatting with everyone. What are they talking about? How do they "connect" with folks they've never met before? And, how on earth do they manage to network with so many people in just one afternoon or evening??
Personally, I’m more of a serial monogamous networker at events. By nature, I’m very curious about a lot of different things. So, when I start talking to somebody interesting, some quick chit-chat just won’t do it for me. But how come whenever networking pops up, I feel slightly uncomfortable at the idea of being obligated to socialise with strangers??
I happened to bump into a Harvard Business Review Special on “The new rules of networking” (HBR Fall 2022) that enlightened me and gave me some practical tips on how to go about networking differently.??
First things first : what is your dominant motivational focus?
Motivational focus defines what you pay attention to, what you value and?how you feel when you succeed or fail.? You can have more of a promotion or more of a prevention focus. Those who "play to win" have a promotion focus. Those who play "not to lose" have a prevention focus.
Your motivational focus will define how you step into a networking activity or event. Those with a promotion focus think about the growth, advancement and accomplishments that networking can bring them. Whereas those with a prevention focus tend to see it as something they are obligated to take part in for professional reasons.
Promotion-focused people see networking as an exciting moment with plenty of possibilities. Prevention-focused people see it as a necessary evil and inauthentic while engaged in it.
The good thing? It’s possible to shift your motivational mindset.
It's all about your perspective. When you are going to a networking event you can either tell yourself “I hate these kinds of events, I’m going to have to put up a show and pretend to like it”. Or you can tell yourself “Who knows, it could be interesting”. You can for example focus on the fact that you’ll be able to boost your knowledge and skills.
"What works for me is not having a business objective in mind. Networking is not about prospects or leads, it's about getting to know other interesting people."
Stop asking the obvious questions.
Now how do you break the ice? “So what do you do?” is not the best question one can ask. Research points out that we prefer and seek out relationships where there is more than one cause for connecting. This is called 'the multiplex tie' by sociologists. You may have noticed that the colleague you vibe with the most, is probably the person who has similar interests to you. This often results in a richer, and more trusting relationship.?
Starting a conversation with “So what do you do?” at a work-related event quickly sets a boundary around the exchange. Making the other person an automatic "work contact". Why not start with something deliberately non-work-related? Not to worry, the conversation will eventually steer back to work-related topics. But then again you can’t start a discussion with some total stranger about his/her/their personal life, can you?
Let's put it to the test!
Time to test this theory. Regarding the situation, your opening question can vary greatly.?
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If you want to lure other people into doing the talking.
If you want to ask personal questions that are not too invasive.
If you fancy yourself being a bit more assertive.
…
And finally when nothing else works...
A final piece of advice? Don't be afraid to embarrass yourself. Most people find it awkward to start a conversation with strangers. Actively listen to what people are saying, and try to be present in the moment.
And when all else fails, find me at your next event.
We’re in this together. :-)
Want to read more on the new rules of networking?
Check HBR.org or the magazine issue The Best of HBR Fall 2022