How A Negative Conversation Gained Momentum & Almost Destroyed a Workplace

I was invited to view a management meeting at a prospective clients workplace. The conversation was about building engagement and gaining trust of the employees among a leadership group. The meeting was energetic and perception-wise filled with transparency and trust. After the meeting concluded I was waiting in the same conference room where the meeting was held for my contact to come back from his office. I put in some headsets connected to my iPhone to listen to some music as he said he was going to be 15 to 20 minutes. Four people stayed after the meeting and one person started to complain about the meeting and the person facilitating the meeting. They completely forgot I was there . Remember, the meeting was about workplace engagement and building trust. As I could hear through the sound of my music the words being used I quickly turned off my music to listen without interrupting. I watched the other three people listen to this person vent and slowly each person jumped on the rumor train. Why do I call it the rumor train because after listening to this conversation for 15 minutes I realized at least two if not all three people were going to leave that room and tell other people of what occurred. Here's what happens when people leave meetings people back at their workplace areas will ask him how was the meeting and that will be the last thing that will be on their mind. Let's assume and safely assume each person will tell three to four people. That's 12 people interpreting what happened in the meeting they had not even attended.

ALERT: the train has left the station

My contact came back to the conference room and all four people quickly dissipated and ended their conversation. He asked me of my impression of the meeting and I immediately shared with him the following thought "you want to hear my impression of the meeting or what happened afterwards?" His jaw dropped and immediately realized what potentially could have happened as I shared with him what I heard and what I experienced ... he was understandably upset. He said what should we do? I said let's go back to one of those three people who listen to the person vent work area and see if that information had traveled. As we sat within earshot of this work area we can hear one employee who again was not one of the three people saying "I heard the meeting wasn't that great and if anything pretty negative". Here is the interesting thing this person was not at the meeting and was now interpreting what happened at the meeting secondhand and I can tell you personally the meeting was actually energetic and uplifting on the surface.

What was missing was having a conversation with the source. What was missing was transparency of leadership. What was missing were the behaviors to uphold what happened in that meeting by undermining not just the facilitator/my contact but the organization as a whole.

ALERT: A defining moment had arrived

Both my contact and I immediately realized there were probably 12 versions of what happened at the meeting. He asked what we should do and I said if you're willing call everybody back to the conference room and I have no problem speaking directly to the four people. His knee-jerk reaction which is all too common was " that might be very confrontational and uncomfortable for people." My response and again not comfortable for everybody was the following: "then I have to be honest with you you've made a decision to be comfortable with rumors and emotional interpretations that undermine the very culture you're trying to build". I didn't say anything and I let silence do its work. He responded "I'm up for it if you are."

We called people back and he asked one question I had suggested: "I'd love to get feedback on this morning meeting about our culture and engagement and make sure that were all on the same page?" Nobody and I repeat nobody said anything. What was amazing is the person who was venting and the three people who supported that person never realized I was sitting in that room and they immediately assumed I was not listening. I looked at the person venting and asked "forgive me and I share this out of complete transparency and honesty the minute the meeting was over I could hear you venting about the meeting and being extremely negative." As I said that the three people who were listening to the person venting immediately put their heads down out of fear of what was going to happen next. The person I addressed (the person venting) began to backpedal and she immediately started to apologize. After she was done I looked at her I said "I know I put you on the spot I hope you leave this conversation realizing you put yourself on the spot. With that being said this is an opportunity to collectively get on the same page and that includes you. These conversations are uncomfortable and I think your insight would have been valuable in a collective setting. I think the opportunity you personally possess is learning how to have that conversation thoughtfully and professionally where your viewpoints can be heard in the proper setting and not in the hallways by the water coolers where people out their own sin on things."

ALERT: Confronting is building awareness to thoughtfully help someone

Reading this you might think I'm a jerk. You might think I enjoy confrontation. You might think I was doing it for sales opportunity. What if I said nothing to my contact and he later found out I was in the room and probably overhead everything? What would his trust be in me? The fact of the matter is when you have the term consultant behind your name and I live by this I encourage all people who do coaching or consulting to live by this: if you tell the truth you never have to remember what you said to anybody. These are tough situations and the fact of the matter is trust is very brittle. We have to go to the source! We have to be honest! We have to be thoughtful and considerate in our approach!

In the end, my contact due to my suggestion arranged time to talk to the person who was venting. I said look she made a mistake but the ultimate goal of the conversation is to have it thoughtfully and professionally even with empathy. The two of them had a nice discussion and what he learned was interesting. The person who was venting shared that she had a history of sharing which she always felt like it came back and bit her. My contact asked a great question "what was your objective of doing it outside the meeting?" To this person's credit she said there was no objective I literally lost awareness of what I was doing. Conversations have progressed and we took an uncomfortable situation as an apparatus to create even more comfort in an organization that needs to have conversations going to the source with full transparency and honesty.