How to navigate through co-parenting after a divorce...

I wish there would be a course, a lecture or a class on how to navigate through life as co-parents after divorce at the time when it happened in my life... but there wasn't or at least I had no awareness of anything like that existing back then...

And that's why today my gratitude goes to my ex-husband, Alex Geidans.

Since our son Nik was born - Alex has always been there for me and all of us.

He was caring, loving, protective, and in one word - an absolute dream, perfect dad and a husband, too.

Our paths went separate ways for several reasons when Nik was about 3 and that was very difficult to deal with for all of us and we had no guidance, no professional help or even family advice on how to deal with divorce, all those emotions and stuff.

Despite the separation - Alex has been always there for Nik and me. He was always a devoted father and still is!

Looking back at the last 18 years of my life - I honestly can not even think how would I have raised my son if not for the support of his amazing father.

Being able to fly all three of us to Latvia to celebrate Nik's birthday in such a beautiful way - was a total cherry on the cake over all these years!

Some might say it is insane, but I have seen so many truly insane relationships between ex-partners that are destroying their children's lives, and that really breaks my heart.

Here are a few lessons I would love to share with those who are just about to divorce or already are and are trying to navigate their relationships and co-parenting:

Show respect to each other at all times, especially in front of your children.

1. Show respect to each other at all times, especially in front of your children.

2. NEVER, absolutely never talk bad about each other in front of your children. Remember that both parents are everything to your children right now and regardless of how much you are hurt - please do keep negative comments to yourself and your coach.

3. Collaborate instead of manipulate. I see so many women (and men) manipulating their ex-partners with their children. Whilst you think you will get what you want by using your children as a weapon - you are destroying the lives of your children.

4. Work on yourself so your children don't have to heal the traumas you are passing on to them. This is something people speak very rarely about, but our children inherit not only the looks and the money we have but also our traumas, not only from us but also from our ancestors. So break the cycle, work on yourself and liberate your children from the heavy weight of generational trauma.

5. Support each other as ex-partners. You don't have to be best friends but you are co-parenting, which means the better you will be as an individual, the better parent you will be. By supporting each other - you are gifting your child a precious opportunity to have amazing parents.

6. Talk. You two are humans, you CAN talk. Be transparent and honest with each other. I know it's not easy. It can be freaking difficult but remember - your child is worth it! Do it for your children if you don't want to do it for yourself.

7. Do not argue in front of your children (even if you are still together as a family). Children take arguments personally. Go for a "walk and talk" or hire a coach to help you move on from your argument stage to the communication phase.

Remember, you are not ex-partners, you are co-parents.

8. Remember, you are not ex-partners, you are co-parents. That shift will help you move into a collaborative state instead of being stuck in the state of hurt.

9. Do not compete with each other - if one of you did something for your children it doesn't mean now you got to match that level. There are a few vital things our children need from us - our love and our time, NOT an overflow of material things. When you try to outdo your ex in a materialistic way - you are actually trying to "buy" the love of your children.

When you try to outdo your ex in a materialistic way - you are actually trying to "buy" the love of your children.

10. Remember that new partners will come and go, but your children will stay with you forever. Prioritise raising your children in a civil, collaborative, communicative and respectful way regardless of anything and anyone.

11. Love each other in a human way. You don't have to be best friends or partners again but love each other in a nice, respectful way: from the human heart to another human's heart. Your children will be forever grateful for healthy co-parenting and will have more chances to build healthy relationships because they will copy you. Remember, you are their role model in everything: good AND BAD!

I hope this helps someone to navigate co-parenting and divorce.

This weekend we are celebrating not only our son's 18th birthday but also our friendship, our collaboration and our ability to raise in such a unique and healthy way a child...whilst we were still children-alike when we had him haha

We laughed, we danced, we took a million photos, we met with families from both sides, we travelled to places, we went to the old places that we loved, we replicated some photos...

So once more, thank you Alex for being such an incredible father, co-parent and long-standing partner in navigating parenthood!

If you are going through a rough time pre- or after divorce, I am here for you, just book some virtual coffee time with me here: https://calendly.com/olgageidane/quickchat

I know personally how tough it is so just reach out if you want to talk. Wishing you all the best on your journey, and remember you have the greatest gift on Earth - your children, so gift them the best present in the world - a happy, healed and content parent!