How to navigate distrust in the workplace
Rachel Botsman
Leading expert on trust in the modern world. Author of WHAT’S MINE IS YOURS, WHO CAN YOU TRUST? And HOW TO TRUST & BE TRUSTED, writer and curator of the popular newsletter RETHINK.
Have you ever been in a situation where you didn’t trust a colleague or even a client you were working with?
If so, I’m guessing that a lot of time and energy was spent on worrying, venting, or fixating on the relationship.
Distrust can have a destructive hold on both our professional and personal lives, but we can learn from this fiery emotion and get comfortable with the discomfort conversations around distrust typically bring up.?
The psychology of distrust
When you're in a state of distrust, your brain is on a high-threat alert. You may become cynical about everything the other person says or paranoid that everything they do is intended to hurt you. Powerful emotions keep piling up on top of each other – frustration, suspicion, anxiety, surveillance, and ultimately, an urge to get even.
In each stage, our reactions are intense and feel slightly out of control. It can feel like an all-consuming downward spiral; we can even spread or catch distrust from others.?
Ultimately, time is spent doing things to protect yourself because you don't feel safe. That’s why distrust can feel toxic.
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Distrust tends to go through three behavioural stages I call the 3D’S:?
By understanding the three phases, you can catch distrust before it completely causes something to break down.
I’d love to hear how you have repaired a professional relationship that was in a state of distrust. What did you do that others could learn from? Please leave in the comments.
Warmly,
Trust Specialist at TrustFinder–I help organizations and individuals with their fundamental search to #trust in a #culture of #distrust.
4 个月Well said, Rachel Botsman. I like your 3 Ds. Distrust is an amygdala (fight, flight, freeze) response. When the amygdala's safety reaction is allowed to unnecessarily hijack the rest of our brain into maintaining a high alert for long periods, fatigue sets in and results in avoidance and paranoia. How can we press pause on distrust? Frist, awareness...the amygdala goes through six stages. We can press pause during stage 3, before we react so we can properly respond. (see pdf) Second, I've developed a web tool that leads individuals and teams through a process that identifies the core thing the amygdala is trying to keep safe and then gives a practical tool that helps them press pause before reacting. (https://www.trustxdistrust.com/). Sharing your distrust trigger with your team allows repair and healing while providing understanding and practical help for the future.
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4 个月Thank You !
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4 个月Here's a good book on the topic. https://a.co/d/84fhzcQ
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4 个月I experienced firsthand how defensiveness and distrust can impact workplace relationships. To move forward, I scheduled a meeting with a peer who had been micromanaging me, focusing on discussing our Organisational Values. My aim was for her to understand the impact of her actions and foster a more collaborative approach for our teams. It was challenging, but I relied on my calm demeanor to navigate the conversation. In the end, she reflected, apologized, and thanked me for my courage. This shift improved our working relationship and reinforced to me, the power of addressing issues directly.