How to Navigate Difficult Conversations at Work

The world of work is a difficult place to navigate under the best of circumstances. Most people can think of an endless number of conversations that they dread encountering in their day-to-day work. Factoring personal, political, and global events makes all of it exponentially more difficult.

The need to know how to navigate difficult conversations in the workplace will not go away. If anything, our interconnected and fractured world increases the frequency of these situations.

To offer some guidance on handling these conversations, I turned to Jonas Kaplan, who is associate professor of psychology at USC Dornsife. He specializes in research that touches on social relationships, empathy, and more.

He told me that the overarching watchword to navigating any difficult conversation is empathy.

"We found that we can break through conversations that are difficult just by understanding what's really motivating the other person to have this conversation," he says. "If you just respond to the arguments and words that people are expressing without really trying to understand what the deeply held motivations and values are underneath, you have a much harder time actually connecting with the person."

Empathizing with someone who holds an opposing view is not always easy. Yet, Kaplan says it's important to remind yourself of the other person's humanity.

The Work Life Barrier Is Porous

Many people argue that there is no need to navigate difficult conversations about life outside of work because those two areas should not intersect. While there are people who are exceptionally good at keeping work separate from their personal lives, that's not the case for everyone. Even the most disciplined and private people will have personal issues creep into work at some points in their careers.

"You certainly are going to give a different shade to yourself in different circumstances, depending on what's socially appropriate… But avoiding the problem completely, by saying that 'I'm just at work' is not really possible for most of us," says Kaplan.

Picking the Right Place and Time

If you do want to talk about a topic that may be sensitive or difficult, it's likely best to start with a close workplace confidant or your manager.

"Hopefully, all of us have people at work that we feel that we can talk to and trusted people who are going to be empathic with us," says Kaplan.

Alternatively, if you're thinking about bringing up such a topic for discussion, it's likely best to pay attention to the environment.?

"Reading the room is pretty important," adds Kaplan. "A lot of times people come into these conversations just thinking about what they want to say and not really listening and hearing what other people are saying. Part of reading the room is putting yourself in that position of really just taking in what other people are saying and feeling and giving you with their body language."

You Don't Have to Engage

Conversations may be trickier to navigate if you're on the receiving end of the discussion. For example, if someone brings up a recent political event during a conversation in the elevator or at the proverbial water cooler. Kaplan says it's OK to say you don't want to talk about certain topics.

"I think we all have the right to decline or not to be involved in those conversations," he says. "I mean, it's up to us what we want to get into and certainly shouldn't feel bad about declining to engage in some kind of conversation."?

You should do it politely, though, by saying the topic is something you don't want to talk about or is an area that won't be fruitful to discuss.

Management Plays a Role in These Discussions

You shouldn't feel alone in moments when people are talking about difficult or complex topics. Your company's leadership can play a significant role in setting the tone for discussions and what is or is not appropriate in the workplace.

"That probably involves acknowledging… people — in situations like the one we're dealing with right now — are going to have different points of view, but that we're all experiencing things that might be hurtful to us right now," says Kaplan. "So, I think managers do have an important responsibility to set the right kind of tone for the interactions they want to have in their workplace."

Even with the help of managers and leaders, you will still have to regularly chart courses through difficult conversations during your career. Using Kaplan's advice, especially about navigating with empathy, can make those discussions easier to traverse.?

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