How my parents have impacted my leadership journey. Part I/3

Last week, I wrote that I wanted to highlight the strengths of some of my colleagues as both a personal reflection exercise and an opportunity to reflect on what I’ve learned from these amazing individuals I’ve had the chance to work with.

As I went back and forth on who I would highlight first, I remembered that I’d been wanting to write and share about my parents for a while. At OneGoal Leadership Group meetings, our brilliant Chief of Staff, Tiffany Gholston – has made it a practice for our org leaders to share their own “Leadership Story.” Besides a time limit, there aren’t many parameters - folks are encouraged to share their own story– in whatever way makes sense to them. While I never had the opportunity to share my own story formally, I knew that if called, my story would revolve around my parents. My parents haven't had a chance to tell their own story about work - but they've both worked so hard; and in many ways, have realized the "American Dream."

The photo below is my graduation from Morehouse College in ‘02. It was the first college graduation my parents attended almost 30 years after they arrived in the U.S. from Thailand. Neither of them graduated from high school or college. My dad worked as a mechanic and my mom was a factory worker throughout our childhood - so what I learned about more formal “office culture” I had to learn from others or on my own.

But undoubtedly they had a huge impact on who I’ve become as a leader in the workplace. As I started this reflection, I made a long list of things I’ve learned from each of them that have impacted my leadership, but I decided to break this series up into at least 3 parts -- and for Part I-- I will focus on one thing they each taught me that resonates most as I am making this transition.

Mom: Don’t take no for an answer

• I know things were rarely easy for Mom. She lost her own mom within months of being born and grew up bouncing between her grandmother, her dad, and her uncle’s homes. She has often shared that she wanted to be a nurse, but her grandma pushed her toward something more “practical” and affordable at the time - being a seamstress. Yet, despite her limited education and ability to speak English – she knew how to hustle. Her pushing and holding open doors leveraged my sister and me to both graduate from college and become educators. I often tell people that if Mom had been born under different circumstances: if she had not sacrificed raising us and holding onto our culture–at the expense of her own English language development, she would’ve been a CEO somewhere. She is persistent and does not take” no” for an answer. Throughout my life, she has advocated for us and figured things out by asking friends and strangers lots of questions and being curious. She taught us to be proud of who we are next to anybody - and that we deserve the same opportunity as others. She knew how to amplify her capital by networking. During the holidays, we’d often spend hours in the car dropping off persimmon, apples, guava, and pomelo from our garden to people in the community who supported our family. To support our family, she often sold things on the side: Avon, Tupperware, Mary Kay – and boy could she sell. Many people who sell get caught up in "the ask" when it's time to close the deal, but Mom had no guilt, shame, or fear. I’d spend hours listening to her on the phone - closing deals--she was relentless. She knew if she could get a ‘Yes’, it would help put food on our table - so she did what she needed to do. Thanks, Mom.

Growing up I've always identified that I was more like my dad: quiet, introspective, introverted. But, as I’ve gotten older I’ve recognized a lot more how I’m like Mom- the fire I have, I got from her.

Dad: People-centered approach to sharing your gifts

• Dad didn’t have an easy childhood either. He’s the eldest of 7 kids from a Chinese family that escaped to Thailand during WW2. He and his brothers grew up in a small shack where they shared a bed, and because Dad was the oldest, he was thrust into responsibility at a young age. He once shared a story of how a noodle cart his dad was running got knocked over and destroyed by a drunk and angry American GI, and how they had to clean up the pieces in the aftermath. Caring for his brothers and supporting his own family in the service industry probably defined a lot about how my dad shows up. For most of my life, Dad worked seven days a week as a mechanic. From Mon.- Fri. he worked at either a service station that operated out of a Shell gas station or as a mechanic for the US Postal Service. On weekends, customers would show up at our house as early as 7:30 am - and my dad would often work on cars til the sun went down. Dad was consistent he showed up - and he didn't complain. Over his forty-year career, I can count on my fingers the days he took off work. Weekend work provided a little extra income for the family, but what I often heard from Mom was that he was “not charging enough.” As I got older, talked more to Dad about it, and watched how he moved in the world I learned that one of his values was “people over profit.” In how he continues to show up for family and friends, Dad believes that the skills and experience he has, are a part of what he has to offer the world in this lifetime – and as cliche as it may sound – the value of his work is in the relationships he’s built and respect he’s garnered from it.

So how has this duality shown up in my leadership?

• I will advocate for my team and my team members
• When there isn’t a clear path forward, I will try to innovate and figure things out
• I will ask a lot of questions?
• I will believe deeply in myself and my abilities
• And I will do all the above by showing up consistently; and in a people-centered way

…to be continued..

Thanks, Mom and Dad.

Thanks for reading…I’d love to read more about your parents, caretakers, or other caring adults – and one thing they’ve contributed to your leadership.