How My Journey to Self-Employment Began

A Story of Passion, Burnout, and (naturally) Good Girl Deprogramming

Working for myself has always been my dream. The seed was planted way back in my early career when I took my first “proper” job as an organisational psychologist. It was with an independent practitioner, and I was his only member of staff. That experience gave me an incredible insight into running a business. I was exposed to all the elements that go into building a thriving practice: interacting with clients, designing services, and understanding the day-to-day operations. I absolutely loved it and knew I wanted to follow that path someday.

But in 2003, when I left that role, I was still a young, bubbly woman who looked even younger than I was. I didn’t have the confidence or belief in myself to start my own business. So, I told myself it was something I’d do “when I grew up.” The dream of working for myself was tucked away as a goal for “future me.”

Fast forward 13 years, and I was at a completely different place in my life. I had climbed the corporate ladder, worn the titles, and put in all the hours, only to find myself utterly burned out. I was exhausted and frustrated. To add to the complexity, I was grappling with undiagnosed neurodivergence, which made navigating the corporate environment even more challenging. Looking back, my differences may (or may not) have had something to do with why I was asked to leave. By the summer of 2016, I knew I had to make a change.

That summer, I decided to take the plunge. Scared, na?ve, and more than a little unsure of myself, I set up my business. Finally, I was free to do what I had always wanted to do, exactly the way I wanted to do it. Autonomy and flexibility - things I had always craved—were mine. It was absolutely amazing, and I felt a surge of energy and excitement I hadn’t felt in years.

However, that’s also when my Good Girl Conditioning kicked in - something I hadn’t yet recognised or understood at the time. As much as I relished the autonomy and freedom, my subconscious conditioning reared its head. This conditioning, which I discuss in detail in my book, often tells us to prioritise others’ needs, to be agreeable, and to avoid rocking the boat. It showed up in my business in various ways:

• Overcommitting and Undercharging - I was so eager to please clients and prove myself that I took on more than I could handle. I also hesitated to charge what I was worth because I didn’t want to come across as “greedy” or “too assertive.”
• Perfectionism and People-Pleasing - I constantly worried about what others thought. Were my services good enough? Was I being too pushy? Did I sound knowledgeable but still approachable? The result was hours spent perfecting every detail and second-guessing myself.
• Avoiding Self-Promotion - Promoting my business felt uncomfortable and boastful, so I shied away from networking and marketing. Instead of boldly sharing my achievements, I downplayed them, not wanting to be seen as “bragging.”

These behaviours were all symptoms of my Good Girl Conditioning, whispering that I should stay small, not take up too much space, and remain humble. But I quickly learned that if I wanted my business to succeed, I had to tackle these limiting beliefs head-on. This journey of unlearning and reprogramming has been full of twists and turns, with plenty of unanticipated lessons along the way. But with each challenge came the opportunity to dig deeper, understand myself better, and reshape how I show up in my professional life.

One of the most rewarding aspects of this journey has been the people I’ve met along the way - amazing, inspiring individuals who have cheered me on, collaborated with me, and helped me grow. It’s the people and experiences that have made every struggle and victory worthwhile.

If you’re considering starting your own business, my advice is to embrace the messiness of the journey. It’s not a straight path, and there will be setbacks and moments of doubt. But don’t let fear or conditioning hold you back. Trust yourself and your vision. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, and don’t be afraid to make bold choices. Be kind to yourself on the hard days, and celebrate every win, no matter how small. Most importantly, remember that your way of doing things is just as valid as anyone else’s. Don’t feel like you have to fit into a mould - create your own.

Now, as I embark on year 9 of running my own business, I can look back with gratitude for every lesson learned, every person I’ve met, and every step that has led me here. It’s been a journey of unlearning, rediscovering, and embracing my authentic self. And I wouldn’t change a single thing.

And What Else is Happening?

1. Good Girl Deprogramming Podcast

Well, first of all, I'm excited to welcome my first male guest on the Good Girl Deprogramming Podcast, I have an honest and heartfelt conversation with the most marvellous Don Ryan about the impact of societal conditioning on gender roles and mental health. Don shares insights from his book, The Secret Struggle: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One, reflecting on his personal experience of losing three family members to suicide and the pressures men face to suppress emotions. Together, we explore how to break free from harmful stereotypes and the importance of having open, humanistic conversations to create lasting change for everyone. Here it is on YouTube. You'll find it on all the other podcasting platforms too!

2. WTF (Women Talking Facts)

And, the next exciting thing this week is that Felice Ayling MCIM and I are starting a Friday LinkedIn Live series called WTF - Women Talking Facts. This is after a wonderful chat with her on her Women Behaving Badly live.

We start Friday 4th October, 10:30am (UK Time) Join us here

3. Over on Substack

We had an absolute blast on Saturday morning in my Good Girl Rebellion Gang - we get together to chat and try things out on the last Saturday of every month. This month we were talking about how our Good Girl Conditioning gets in the way of negotiating, and how to manage 'difficult' conversations. Was a fantastic conversation. I (of course) forgot to take any photos. But watch this space, these workshops will be coming to an organisation near you very shortly!

This is some lovely feedback I received from one of the participants!

"Thank you for hosting a workshop on this vital topic of negotiation, creating a warm inviting space to interact and offering space for interaction.? You're so lovely, I appreciate your work and drive to bring awareness to the good girl and help them cross over."

If you want to come along, it's ￡6 per month (or ￡4.80 if you sign up today).

That's all from me this week!

Have a good one,

Mx