How my $#**#! golf game changed my outlook on life.

Did the title grab your attention?? Are you a frustrated golfer?? Even if you have never played the game, keep reading, I think you will be able to find a nugget that might be applicable to you.

If you have played, you know that feeling when you hit that iron just right or you make that long putt for a birdie.? Feelings of accomplishment, empowerment or dare I say… “joy” wash over you.? However, those moments can and will undergo “extreme makeover - demolition edition” very quickly.? The mental and emotional peaks and valleys in golf are as extreme as Nebraska weather.

For years, I had no joy when I played golf.? In fact, I HATED the game.? If I would play, I would think “I am spending how much to be this miserable.”? So, playing golf just didn’t make sense.

Even though I could not mentally justify playing a game, my dear friend, Dan Svehla kept me in golf.? That is before his way too early passing on October 11, 2021. ??If you knew Dan, you know he was the most genuine, sweet, kind individual who also happened to possess on his person….the world’s largest calves. ?I only regret that I never took a tape measure around those bad boys.? If I had to guess, I would say those calves would be around 24 inches.?

Any who, back to the topic at hand….? Dan would “force” me to golf with him.? Even though I did not enjoy the golf aspect, I really enjoyed and so appreciate the time I spent with him.?

After Dan’s death, there was no reason for me to play golf.? That changed many months later when a group of individuals at work asked me to join them on a golf outing.? I reluctantly accepted.? I will not mention their names or the places we have been for hopes that any applicable statute of limitations will run.? ?That is joke.? Or an attempt at one.? For the most part.?

In preparation for this outing, I felt obligated to practice.? And I did.? In that journey, I learned something new.? About playing golf and more importantly about myself. ??I was able to answer honestly the main reason I disliked the game.? ?Simply put, it was my expectations.?

When I golfed, I expected a certain outcome.? Maybe it was an expectation of a score or how I would hit the ball. ?When reality didn’t meet my expectations, I was disappointed, discouraged, and even frustrated.

My expectation setting wasn’t exclusive to golf.? I realized it was in many areas of my life. ?I would “feel” disappointment when expectations were too high. ?Now armed with this newly found self-awareness, I try not to have any preconceived ideas of what I think things will be or should be like.? My best experiences come from having no expectations.?

In my quest to reintroduce golf back into my life, I also learned the importance of not focusing on outcomes, but rather concentrating on “the process.”? In other words, control what you can and let the rest go.? You can visualize the shot you want to hit.? Hit that exact shot and still not have the outcome that you would want. ?That is ok.? Focus on the process.? ????

Additionally, I realized part of my frustration was labeling outcomes.? Was the outcome “good” or “bad?” ?Outcomes are just that…outcomes.? No need to label.? Just focus on the process. ??Visualize the shot, hit it and learn from it.? What went well?? What didn’t?? What could I do differently.? The focus becomes process improvement.? ??

This is applicable to all areas, including work.? Results are important, but the process of getting to that result is more important.? That way we can replicate or even reinvent if necessary.? Focusing on results and not process can be harmful to company culture.? There are many corporate examples of companies losing their way by only focusing on results.? (I will not mention those companies here but maybe another topic in the future)? ??

Am I perfect at this?? No, I still faulter, and lose my way.? When I do, I have enough self-awareness to get back on track. ?Like all of us, I am a work in progress.? I am just slower than most.? Oh, I also stink at golf ??

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