How Much of your life do you control? Here’s a hint-more than you know

The new week is upon us once again, and for those of us who are still fortunate enough to have the use of our senses and decision-making capacity the world is truly our oyster.

I know what you’re probably thinking, what’s up with Steve’s cryptic and morbid words? What’s with the use-of-our-senses and decision-making capacity, bit?

Stay with me here and you’ll see.

Many of us view Mondays as the slow crawl back to the nine-to-five, ball and chain that is our reality.

I get it. But you control much more than you know…until you find yourself locked in a nursing home. This point was driven home ever so abruptly less than two days ago while visiting my grandmother.

This past weekend was a sobering reminder of just how little time remains. I was visiting with my 97 year-old maternal grandmother. Physically speaking she’s in remarkable shape. She was an excellent gymnast in her youth. And she’s always been pleasant and kind. Just four years ago she’d still brave the occasional headstand.

You read that correctly — at 93 years of age my grandmother could still do a headstand.

She’s outlived three of her children, which also includes my mother, and her husband. Despite her loss of loved ones she never used it as an excuse to give up.

Many people would turn bitter upon losing a child-let alone three children- but not her. She never did. Her perseverance and kindness will be her lasting legacy.

But that’s where the good news ends.

While visiting with my grandmother she kept trying to do headstands while referring to me as (her son) Eddie. My name isn’t even Eddie; it’s Steve. But confronting her with that reality would be akin to a slap in the face. I opted for kindness and let her run with her delusions.

Again, physically speaking she’s in great shape. She can walk without any assistance and she probably would be able to do headstands if not for the nursing home staff consistently stopping her.

One of the staff, I’ll just call her ‘Alice,’ explained that just several months prior, Maria (my grandmother), lost her balance and sprained her neck while crashing to the ground.

I wasn’t aware of the fall. Not that it matters now. In fact it’s impressive that she had attempted-and survived-a fall from a headstand with nothing worse than a neck sprain, at age 97!

As I hugged my grandmother goodbye she responded: “I love you, Eddie. But you need to stop picking on that boy up the street!” Then she appeared to be struggling to recall a little boy’s name from nearly 65 years ago.

“It’s…Joey? No…Come on Eddie, what’s that boy’s name, the one with the limp?”

“Robert,” I responded.

“No, that’s not it. It’s…

“You mean Ronald?”

She responded, affirmatively, “yes, Ronald.” Then she added: “Now leave that poor boy alone; he’s never done anything to you!” She gave that order while pinching my left ear!

She was certain that I was her son and that we were somewhere back in the 50’s. I guess in many ways we were stuck, together, in 1950’s Philadelphia.

As I walked towards the locked exit doors I craned my neck, and stole what might have been a final glance at my grandmother. There was Alice, comically, doing her best to prevent another headstand. It was simultaneously very funny and sad.

I had escaped the gloom and sterile-stench of the nursing home to softly falling rain.

It felt strangely soothing, as if the heavens were letting me know that I was still alive and not stuck in a nightmare.

As I got behind the wheel of my car I just sat there amidst the white noise of the car radio, not really hearing what amounted to little more than the muffled voice of Charlie Brown’s teacher.

Instead I was consumed with the memories of my youth, the days of me and my siblings and long gone memories of Sunday visits to my grandparents’ for dinner. Then suddenly I caught myself, almost as if a very loud alarm clock had jolted me from my self-induced nostalgic slumber.

I started to think about how much control I have over so many things. After all, my 97 year-old grandmother is counting down her days behind the locked doors of that nursing home in Yardley, PA.

But I sure don’t. I’m free to make decisions that impact my life and give it real meaning. I’m free to help others, namely my family and clients.

I am very much alive and this otherwise gloomy trip had clarified just how much opportunity that I possess.

But I do have this nagging sense of guilt that my grandmother is locked away in a nursing home while I am not. After all she didn’t break the law. Even though I tell myself that she needs constant around-the-clock supervision and that translates to life in a locked facility, it doesn’t make it any easier.

Unlike my grandmother, I am lucky that I have far more control over my circumstances. I didn’t always look at life as if I had the power to determine my future. I had worked in healthcare, mainly doing crisis center work, where I’d interview suicidal/drug-addicted adults all day, everyday.

That was also part of the problem because when all that I had seen and heard everyday was messages of hopelessness and helplessness it greatly affected me. It wasn’t easy to move beyond that gloom of hopelessness and despair.

It felt like an epic battle for the ages, and in many ways it was just that-a daunting battle for my soul and peace of mind. Through the loving support of my wife I was able to gradually transition out of that line of work.

I returned to college, got my bachelors degree in professional writing (in three years) and have been writing ever since. Now I write for a living and I couldn’t be any happier.

So, I turn my questions to you, the reader. I hope you don’t mind…

What do you have control over in your life?

Take a moment to think about it. What parts of your life do you really, truly control?

Do you control where and when you will work?

Do you control how much money you’ll earn?

Do you determine your work schedule and who you’ll work with?

Do you control how much time you lose commuting daily?

Do you control how much free time you can spend with your family and friends…enjoying your hobbies…working on yourself…or when and where you will vacation?

If you had asked me these questions before I started writing for a living, I would have responded negatively.

But now I realize and live my dream of working for myself. I do what I want to do, where and when I want it.

As a writer, my life is truly my own. I’m not locked-down by someone else’s schedule or rules anymore. And I never will be again.

I choose to do work that matters most, for me. I write for others, helping them achieve desirable outcomes. I write for businesses, crafting provocative and valuable copy. That affords me the opportunity to live my life solely on my terms.

Well, I live my life on my terms and the terms of my wife and sons. After all we’re all in this together. Sometimes that requires family trips to the local amusement park or a children’s museum. But I’m fortunate because I get to spend more time with my family. And that’s priceless.

Maybe the day will come when I’m stuck behind a locked door but for now, I’ll keep living life on my terms.

How about you? What would you need to do in order to live your life on your terms?

Are you afraid? You should be afraid. That’s a normal response to having to completely rely upon yourself. Your success, or failure, depends on what you do, how well you strategically implement your success plan and how consistent you remain in pursuit of that end.

The discipline and dedication must never waver. Though cliche, a powerful quote comes to mind: “Success is not final and failure is not fatal. It is the will to carry on that matters.” Winston Churchill may have said this but it’s at the very core of running any successful business.

Every day starts anew. If you think about each day as a wonderful opportunity you’ll be halfway there. The only path towards success is through ongoing failure. Success is not possible without failure.

We must always remember-and embrace-that failure is merely the steps along the road to success.

So, here’s to your success! If you’d like to discuss this further or share any other ideas please feel free to reach out. I’m always up for good conversation, coffee (or an alcoholic elixir) and fresh perspectives.