How much is your imposter syndrome impostering?

I invited a special guest today, not as a responder rather as an interviewer. Hold your horses, don’t get too excited that I?finally made this a??normal“ interview between two people. The special guest is me :). Let me explain in this intro, so you actually get the context of the interview.

Long time ago, I used to complain a lot about everything, and be very pessimistic. I was fascinated by nihilism, not that I knew that much about it, just agreed that life is meaningless and there is no point in anything. My life views and beliefs have evolved over time (still are), but in the process of change I had to accept NihiViki as a part of my personality. She is always with me, usually not as a dominant voice, but sometimes I let her out. I actually find her to be a nice contrast to the always smiling good girl personality I acquired while I was a little kid. And, I believe she is the perfect guest to illustrate what imposter syndrome can look like (and what can be done about it).

NV: Well finally, Vicks! Thank you for giving me some space here. ?

v: Heey NihiViki. Sure, no problem. We get along well now, don’t we?

NV: Of course. We are in a different place, I hear we’re quite successful.

v: Oh yeah, we are. Working hard, getting promoted, working even harder, doing a great job overall!

NH: Oh are we? You sure?

v: What’s that supposed to mean?

NH: Nothing. Just saying, that maybe you got overconfident.. Like, there are some things that can be improved.

v: But, there always are things to be improved.

NH: So why don’t you improve them? I mean, people are relying on you.

v: I’m really trying.

NH: Trying. You know that’s not enough. Just give up, what’s the point of it anyway.

v: Why are you being like this? There are things that go well, that I do well.

NH: I’m not being like anything. Everyone can see it. It’s too much for you, you cannot do it. Everyone sees that you’re faking it. You know nothing. It’s time you quit pretending and do something you actually can do.

v: Yeah, maybe you’re right.

NH: I am sorry about this, I’m just being honest with you. It’s better to admit it before you really fuck anything up.

v: I wouldn’t want that… But.

NH: But what?

v: What if you’re wrong?

NH: Haha. Nice try.

v: I mean it.

NH: You have data to back it up?

v: What about that project we finished a month ago? That was a success and our colleagues gave us great feedback about it. What about our performance reviews? Don’t we always get overall good feedback? Do you really think we’d be in this position if we were that incompetent? And just two days ago we were super excited about our day at work, how awesome people are, how constructive the meetings, how we enjoy the cooperation and our progress as a team. You know what we always say: what would you say to your best friend if she was saying similar stuff about herself?

NH: This won’t work on me.

v: Ok. So you won’t mind me saying, that I completely disagree. That I think you/I/we are an amazing human being, that is, of course, making mistakes, but is also learning from them. You are doing exactly enough, but not only that, you are absolutely rocking it! I am so proud of your achievements and what you’ve accomplished. But I am also proud of how you’re handling your failures. Every day I am amazed by you, and the person you’re becoming. If anyone can improve over time, do better and overcome challenges, it’s you. You smart, kind, hardworking, over achieving, funny, mistakes making, incredible and remarkable human person!?

Afterword: I hope you know, I am exaggerating some parts of the story to illustrate a picture. If you think you’re the only one having imposter syndrome, let me tell you, that as usually, you’re not alone in this. Actually, most of the people have imposter syndrome to some extent over some period in their life. It is normal and the most important thing is to tackle it as any other challenge life throws at you.

Tips from Vicks

Exercise – Find someone to do exercise/sports with. It can make it more fun for you and keep you motivated.

Food – Increase your fiber amount intake. It will make you feel more full for longer time and keep your digestive system healthy.

Mindfulness – Notice your thoughts and feelings and accept them without judgement.

Work – Rethink your to do list and remove something.

Finance – Avoid spending money on things you cannot afford, especially when you’d need a loan.

Woman of the month – Simone Biles. A gymnast, considered by many to be one of the greatest. I know nothing about gymnastics, but watching her, you can clearly see the outstanding beauty of her performances. She is talented for sure, hardworking, but she is also self-aware. She is prioritizing her mental health and by being outspoken about it she is showing the whole sports world that success can be achieved while being kind to yourself.

Book of the month – Irvin D. Yalom: When Nietzsche Wept. Yalom is sooo so great it’s difficult to choose just one book. But since we started with nihilism, I picked one with Nietzsche in a title. Yalom is a psychiatrist, all of his books are deep and beautiful, just read this: “I now believe that fears are not born of darkness; rather, fears are like the stars--always there, but obscured by the glare of daylight.”

Intention for the next month – Enjoy your creativity.

Dance song of the month