How much of unmasking is luck based?

In a previous blog post which can be found here, one thing I talked about was how some situations are about tackling things head on and hoping the situation is favourable. This implies that some things in life can be influenced by luck. This got me thinking about the unmasking journey and whether some aspects of it luck based. In this blog post, I will talk more about this.

In the unmasking journey, there are a lot of things that you can control and have to do right to be successful. In terms of what you control, you have control on your actions and things you want to achieve as part of your unmasking journey. Furthermore, you need to have strategies in place to be able to show your authentic self and you can’t just take a completely aimless approach to it. Both of these things show that there are aspects of the unmasking journey that aren’t luck based, and that there is a lot that is in your hands. For me, having some control over the journey has been one of the nice things about my unmasking journey.

A big part of my unmasking journey is thinking about the ways I can unmask and show my authentic self going forward. There are a lot of possible ways I could go about unmasking, which means a lot of trial and error in finding the ways that work best for me. This trial and error has involved work life balance, the people I spend time around and habits I want to develop. With trial and error there is a lot of luck involved. You could find something that works well for you very quickly, or you can try lots of things and nothing seems to work. Indeed, there has been some things that have fallen into place quickly, and other things that haven’t. I definitely have felt that the luck involved with trial and error has created uncertainty in my unmasking journey.

As mentioned before, the unmasking journey also involves showing your authentic self in certain situations. The fact that some aspects of unmasking are situation based also creates a luck aspect to it, as it depends on whether the situation is favourable. One classic example of this was that night in the bar in Thailand, which I talked about here. That night was a big step forward for my unmasking journey as I was able to show my authentic self to people I interacted with, and that was incredibly freeing. However, the situation was also favourable in that the bar wasn’t very loud, and I got on with the people I spoke to. On another day, the bar could have been loud and I may have struggled to get on with the people I spoke to, which would have been a setback in my unmasking journey. This example illustrates that whilst having the intention to unmask in certain situations is great, there is also a luck aspect of whether that situation turns out to be favourable. Factors that determine whether a situation is favourable or not include the environment, how you are feeling at the time, as well as the people around you, and that might not always be on your side all the time.

I also feel that the amount of luck that is involved in the unmasking journey depends on your approach. If you are taking small and steady steps then it is a safer approach where it can feel like you have more control. For example, you may start by only deciding to unmask around a small number of people. Taking small and steady steps means there is less luck involved, as you are more in control and doing things at a pace you are comfortable with. However, if you are taking bigger and riskier steps towards unmasking, then it feels more like taking a leap of faith. Taking a leap of faith generally comes with more unknowns, which means that luck is more likely to play a part. For example, one thing that people might do as part of their unmasking journey is quit their corporate job and take a one-way ticket to go travelling. This would be a massive step where a lot of risk and unknowns come in play, and whether that risky decision turns out to be a success will be partly based on luck.

In summary, I do think that with any unmasking journey, there will be an element of luck involved. There are a lot of unknowns and a lot of things that have to go right, which also explains why the unmasking journey is never smooth. In my opinion, that also explains why the unmasking journey is so tough for autistic people. Autistic people generally like certainty, and the amount of uncertainty that comes with unmasking can be overwhelming. Whilst masking can be exhausting, at the same time it can feel like the safe option and one that gives more certainty. However, I do believe that the law of averages plays a part in the unmasking journey. The more you persist with it, eventually the amount of times that luck is in your favour compared to the amount of time that luck is not in your favour should balance out, meaning that you will make progress in the long term.

Going forward, I appreciate that there will a lot of luck involved in my unmasking journey. However, I want to use this in 2 ways. Firstly, I want to maximise the things that are in my control and doesn’t rely on luck and use that as a solid foundation. For example, the people I have in my support system has nothing to do with luck and can play a part in having a strong foundation. Secondly, and this may sound strange, but I want to use the luck aspect to enjoy the unmasking journey more. If everything was in my control and there was no luck involved, then it would be more stressful as I would be putting more pressure on myself. The fact that some things about the unmasking journey are luck based means that I want to stress less about the things that aren’t in my control, which would give me more scope to enjoy it. ?