How Much Time and Energy Are You Spending On Complaining Rather Than Leading?
Davide Pagnotta ?? Slush
We decrease turnover and absenteeism, and increase productivity, creativity, profitability and customer loyalty. We fix teams' dysfunctional dynamics and create engaging, successful teams where people thrive.
In a leadership role, it’s easy to get caught up in the cycle of complaints. Whether it's about the team’s inefficiencies, the company’s policies, or even the market conditions, leaders often find themselves venting frustration. But here’s the question: How much time and energy are you spending on complaining rather than leading?
As a leader, you might complain about many things: your company’s direction, the team’s performance, clients' unreasonable demands, or even the lack of resources. This often spills over into blaming—blaming the team for not meeting expectations, the company for not providing enough support, or the market for being too competitive.
But let’s consider the impact. Does blaming or complaining ever really solve these issues? Does it benefit you? More importantly, does it set a positive example for your team?
The Role of Blame in a Dysfunctional Team
In a dysfunctional team, blame can become a destructive force. When team members see their leader blaming others, they might adopt the same attitude, creating a culture of negativity and inaction. Blame can spread like a virus, leading to a lack of accountability and a disjointed team.
As a leader, you might blame the team for not listening or for their lack of creativity. You may even start blaming yourself for the team's failures, questioning your leadership ability. But here’s the truth: blame doesn’t solve problems—it only deepens them.
What You Can Do to Shift from Blame to Empowerment
The key to turning things around is shifting your focus from blame to empowerment. Start by asking yourself: “What can I do as a leader to change the situation?”
For example, if you’re dealing with a dysfunctional team, instead of complaining about their lack of engagement, consider what changes you can implement to improve communication, foster collaboration, or reignite motivation. Can you schedule regular one-on-ones to better understand their challenges? Can you introduce new tools or processes to streamline work?
It’s about recognizing your ability to respond to the challenges at hand. This shift in mindset not only helps you take control but also sets a powerful example for your team. They’ll see a leader who’s proactive, solution-oriented, and resilient—a leader worth following.
The Power of Acceptance and Action
Let’s take a common scenario: You have a team member who consistently underperforms. Complaining to others about their work ethic won’t change anything. Instead, ask yourself: “What is my ability to respond?”
Can you have a constructive conversation with them? Can you provide additional support or training? If you’ve exhausted all options, perhaps it’s time to accept the situation and make a tough decision—for example, reassigning them to a different role.
Focusing on what you can do rather than what’s wrong empowers you and your team. Acceptance isn’t about giving up; it’s about acknowledging reality and moving forward with clear-eyed determination.
Breaking Free from Dysfunctional Patterns
So, how do you, as a leader, empower yourself and your team, especially in the face of challenges beyond your control?
It starts with refusing to let dysfunctional patterns—complaints, blame, guilt, and worry—become the default tools for handling distressing situations. It’s about accepting where you and your team are, what has happened, and what is happening, and then deciding on a course of action that focuses on what you can control.
For instance, if your team is struggling with a particularly demanding project, instead of getting bogged down by stress and frustration, rally them around a clear plan of action. Break the project down into manageable parts, delegate effectively, and provide the support they need. When you focus on what’s possible, you transform challenges into opportunities for growth and development.
Responsibility: The Ability to Respond
At its core, leadership is about responsibility—our ability to respond to challenges, setbacks, and opportunities. This concept, which we often discuss at Wise Humanity, is not just a tool for personal empowerment but a cornerstone of effective leadership.
Think back to the example of the underperforming team member. In the traditional sense, you may feel you’re not responsible for their lack of performance—they should know their job. But reframe it: What is your ability to respond as their leader? Have you given them the correct feedback, the necessary resources, or the proper motivation?
Even if the situation doesn’t improve, acceptance is still a valid response. Perhaps the best course of action is to accept their limitations, adjust your expectations, and move forward with a new strategy. By embracing this mindset, you avoid getting stuck in a cycle of blame and inaction.
Lead by Example: Empower Your Team
Leadership isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being proactive. It’s about recognizing that, while you may not control every variable, you always have a choice in how you respond. When you stop complaining and start leading with intention, your team will follow suit.
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If you find yourself or your team stuck in negative habits, it’s time to change course. Ask yourself: “What is my ability to respond now?” Then, take action. Lead by example, and you’ll inspire your team to do the same.
And if you need help breaking free from dysfunctional patterns in your leadership or within your team, let’s talk. Book a call with me , Davide, and let’s work together to create a more empowering, positive dynamic in your team.
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