How much of the past are you unwittingly dragging into the future?

CHOICE POINT

How much of the past are you leaving behind as we move into the New Year, and how much of the past are you unwittingly dragging into your future?

Some people think that we have no choice in the matter. “Life is determined to be just the way it is, and most of us were not dealt a royal flush.”

Some people think that, if you can think it up and choose it, anything is possible. “You are only limited by your own thoughts.”

I observe that there are some things about which I have no choice, some things about which I do have a choice; and the key to fulfillment in this life is a) knowing the difference, and b) choosing to renounce thoughts and feelings about both.?

Recently, Mark Zuckerberg has been demonstrating the technology he envisions us using for future meetings. He thought it up and wants us to choose it. Yes, it’s possible to enhance the digital experience we’ve mostly been having via Zoom and Skype. However, it’s not possible for the metaverse—built, as it is, on binary code—to give us the multidimensional experience of human interaction that we get when we’re in the same physical and psychological space, using all our senses and awareness.?

You might say, “You’re only limiting what’s possible in the way of digital meetings by thinking you need the full, multidimensional experience of other human beings.” That’s correct, I am. I’ll leave for another time the discussion of whether I do indeed need the full experience of others (compare?https://bit.ly/3ZyNP0e).

Let me just say this:??I’m infinitely grateful to work in a profession that allows me to exploit?as much of the full experience of human being as I?can.

The point is that, recognizing the difference between the choice I have between cartoonish meetings in the metaverse and “full Monty” meetings in person, I choose the latter; and I renounce thoughts and feelings about both, meaning:?

1. I make the most of digitized meeting opportunities. I don’t wish they were “full Monty,” I’m not trying to sell anyone on them, nor am I trying to dissuade anyone from them.
2. I make the most of face-to-face meeting opportunities. I don’t wish they were digitized; I’m not trying to sell anyone on them, nor am I trying to dissuade anyone from them.

Here are three crucial areas in which you have choice and may not be fully exercising that freedom.

YOUR SCHEDULE

By the time most executives get a coach, they’ve long since unconsciously adopted the belief that they have little-to-no choice regarding their schedule.?

“Yes, I could opt out of this or that meeting, but the consequences would be dire.”?

“How could I not respond asap to a client’s call?”

“If I took off the afternoon for my daughter’s recital, I’d just have to find another time to make up all that lost work.”

If you are having thoughts like these, it's time to unplug, take a break, and when you come back, do so in conversation with those with whom you are at your most?creative.?

About twenty years ago, I made the choice, in conversation with my coach,?to take time between meetings to reflect…or take a yoga class; and I chose to position the fulcrum between work and life such that I have time to spend with family, time to volunteer, time to exercise and play the piano. Naturally there are consequences. I chose them.?

Most importantly, because it’s what I do for a living, I chose a profession that I thoroughly enjoy and am challenged by in valuable ways. This means that work balances life every moment I’m working; I’m never at work pining for some more fulfilling activity. Perhaps most conspicuously, because I only meet with about a dozen clients/week, I charge accordingly, i.e., enough that I can afford the things I want whilst having a life I love.?

You might not have as much freedom to adjust your pricing, but there are always ways to rebalance your schedule:??hire more people, scale the business to produce more, use team, integrate activities, bring more focus to each moment. (This latter always surfaces time otherwise squandered in distraction and insecurity.)

PRIORITIES

Many of my fellow Boomers chose growth as a fundamental priority:?we got jobs in which we could advance, we sought burgeoning fields, we try to get as many likes and followers as we can on social media, we are self-development junkies, et cetera. And yet recently, we’ve begun to question our choice and see how often less is more.

?Hyrum Smith showed us how to organize life around what’s important versus what’s urgent. What’s important, he said, are activities that reveal your life’s purpose. Despite running the hamster wheel of your life ever faster, the list of urgent things-to-do isn’t getting any shorter; they fill the day like sand fills the spaces in a container of rocks. (Remember that analogy?) But, what gives life character and interest, joy and satisfaction, are the rocks you choose to put into the container of life first:??family, hobbies, service, health, legacy...

RESULTS

“Results?! Now that’s one thing I cannot choose,” you say. However, you do choose your results all the time.

• On track to lose 30 pounds, you lose?10 pounds and chose to say, “I’ve got a long way to go.”
• You choose not to talk to your conspiracy theory-enthralled sister, and yet you wish you had a closer relationship.
• You choose to automate as much of the hiring process as possible, but you’re not happy with any of the hires.
• You choose the biggest marketing funnel to attract as many prospects as possible, and still you favor the direct referrals you received from a friend.

I probably sound like Werner Erhard when I say… No matter how hard you try to get life to conform to your wishes, the ensuing facts tell you nothing about the results of your work; you choose the results. For example:?

“We almost went bankrupt competing against others in our industry, but as a result we learned the benefits of collaborating with them instead.”

“I may not make money as much as the other salespeople in my office; however—as a result of taking care of my aging parents—my heart has opened.”?

“There will be many fewer disgruntled Americans as a result of the United States’ wrestling with deep division.”?

Summa summarum (again echoing Werner Erhard, Lao Tzu, & Eckhart Tolle, among others):??Life has no meaning in and of itself. Choice = the significance you give life.