How much is enough?

Imagine you are a coffee lover. You believe nothing in the world can uplift one’s mood better than coffee. So, when you met your childhood friend who is going through a difficult time in life, you took him to a cafe to have a conversation over coffee.

As you begin the conversation, your coffee arrives. But unfortunately, it tastes nothing like coffee.

As you raised a complaint, they offered you another cup of coffee which doesn’t taste any better.

Can two cups of bad coffee make up for one good one? - Obviously not.

Because quality cannot always be compensated with quantity.

I am sure it sounds simple and straightforward. However, we tend to overlook this in our life.

Can you think of an area in your life where you are trying to compensate for quality by quantity?

If you are able to think of an area in your life where you do this, that’s great. If not, don’t worry, just continue reading.

I will share how this played out with one of my friends. It may give some direction to your thoughts.

I have this friend who has been interested to get into coaching and facilitation. She has done some certifications and has been reading many books and attending workshops.

I believe she has a calming presence, she listens deeply and has a sharp mind.

When I met her recently, I asked her, when she will be putting her services out to the world.

She said, she is not feeling ready yet. She informed me that she has signed up for another certification.

I asked if this certification will make her ready to put herself out.

To which she replied, “I hope so.”

As we continued the conversation, I realised that she is hoping the certifications to provide her with the confidence that she is lacking today.

She was trying to counter her underlying fear of not being good enough by accumulating external validations in the form of certifications.

I am not sure if you noticed this, but the number of certifications is a quantitative thing she is pursuing in order to address the qualitative issue - lack of confidence.

Will the certification boost her confidence? - It may.

However, considering she already has some certifications and has many skillsets to put herself out, I wasn’t sure if she was finding excuses to delay taking the leap of faith.

In my conversation with her, at some point, she did agree that’s what’s been happening.

This is something many of us do in different forms.

Here are a few instances where you might be doing the same:

1. Believing more money, success or fame will increase your self-worth.

Your self-worth is a reflection of your relationship with yourself. If you believe having more of something will help you fill your inner void, you will keep chasing one goal after the other only to experience fleeting moments of joy.

2. Believing your inability to find me-time is born from the lack of time.

Unless you learn to prioritise yourself and have healthy boundaries, no amount of extra time would help you find me-time; if at all it helps, it will be short-lived.

3. Believing your inability to trust is born from the lack of data/information.

No amount of data/information could give you an assurance that your future will be secure. So unless you allow yourself to feel your fear and source security from within, no amount of data or external validation will help you to take a leap of faith into the unknown.

The unfortunate thing about this approach is that it keeps you chasing for more - more money, more time, more data, more knowledge etc.

However, even if you accumulate more in quantity you may not feel you have enough. This is because enough is not a quantity as much as a state of being.

Here is a simple exercise you could consider doing:

Take a moment to honestly complete this sentence:

“I’ll become happy when ________”

Example: “I will get happy once I move to the mountains”

Once you complete the answer. Ask yourself, Can I be absolutely sure about this? - And, wait for an answer from your gut.

Don’t rationalize the question, nor go into any explanation, just wait for a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to surface.

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