How Much Does Your Word Mean These Days?Here are some easy ways that will help you upgrade your integrity and sharpen your truth-telling instincts.
Most of us consider ourselves good people. Yet most good people also lie quite frequently.
How often, for example, have you lied in order to get out of a social request (“I’d love to come, but I’m busy that night”)?
How often have you lied, or asked your children or coworkers to lie on your behalf, when you get a phone call from someone you don’t want to talk to (“Tell them I’m not here!” or “I’d love to chat, but I’m late for a meeting”)?
How many couples regularly lie to each other for fear of hurting each other’s feelings or getting into a conflict (“I’m not mad; I’m just upset about work” or “Yeah, I’ll be home in a minute”)?
How often do you lie to yourself (“Tomorrow I’ll go to the gym” or “I’ll pay off that credit card next month”)?
We may think our lying is for a good reason: to keep from insulting or wounding someone we care about, to avoid our own discomfort, to smooth over conflict or to make someone happy. Really, though, we most often lie to make our own reality more comfortable.
When our words don’t match our actions, we lose a measure of healthy ownership and control over our lives. Careless language undermines our relationships, chips away at our sense of self and decreases our personal power.
How Deceptions Diminish Us
What exactly is integrity?
it is the “steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code,” and “the quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.”
Integrity, then, is having high principles and keeping those standards consistent throughout all the different realms of your life.
You’ve probably seen this dynamic in action many times. Do you know someone who agrees to things readily but then never seems to be able to show up for his or her agreements?
Do you have friends who tell white lies or who “stretch” the truth? Do you know individuals who present themselves as experts on topics they have little or no experience with — who have plenty of opinions but little applicable knowledge to back it up? Do you have friends who say critical things behind each other’s backs, or who say disempowering things about themselves? These are just a few common ways that people deprive themselves of the potential power of speech.
Personal power comes from being in integrity and diminishes whenever our integrity is undermined. And lying is one of the ways we do that.
The dictionary offers several subtly different definitions of the word “lie,” but all of them are unified by one common theme: the intent to deceive. Of course, the act of deliberately deceiving someone is at complete odds with the commonly valued ideal of “being nice.” And yet, at some point or another, most of us catch ourselves thinking: What does it hurt to tell a little white lie every once in a while?
The more lies you tell, of course, the more multiple versions of reality you create and must live with. That’s an enormous responsibility, and it can be very energy draining because it literally costs your integrity — the state of being connected, sound, consistent and undivided. You may feel pulled in a thousand directions, or plagued by the fear and potential shame of having all these “custom-made” realities come crashing down around you. You may even start to feel unsure of whether you can fully know or trust yourself.
Every time we speak, we create a road of some sort. The quality of that road, and how far it goes, will be directly related to how well we maintain our integrity with our words and language choices.
Reclaiming Your Truth
Want to upgrade your integrity? Follow these simple ways ......
Identify your triggers.
Sit down and think about where you most frequently break promises with yourself and others. What circumstances, relationships and patterns in your life are most littered with broken commitments and are most likely to result in diminished integrity? Take some time to reflect on why that person or situation acts as a trigger for you. Awareness of what is causing you to lie or use dis-empowering language can go a long way in helping you correct course.
Perceive your language patterns.
How often do you say yes when you really mean no — when you realize on some level you have no intention of following through on that “yes”?
Do you sometimes say you’ve completed something you haven’t, or fib about how far you’ve gotten? Do you idly agree to do something and then, when the time comes, conveniently “forget” your promise, or don’t have the time, or don’t want to allocate the resources necessary to keep your word? Knowing how you use language in dis-empowering ways is important information to have as you work to bring more integrity to your language.
Take small steps toward honesty.
Once you can identify where and when you’re not keeping your word, you can make the necessary adjustments toward telling the truth, even in small ways. Start by practicing with situations that feel the safest for exploring truth-telling. What could this look like in practice? Here’s an example: When your sister-in-law, with whom you’re close and whom you think will respond positively to the truth, calls to invite you over for Friday-night cocktails, and you’re not certain you’re up for it, be honest. Tell her, “I appreciate the invitation, but I’d like to wait to decide. I am having a tough week and I might be exhausted by then.” Or simply let her know what you’re doing instead: “No thanks; I’ve committed myself to spending the evening clearing off my desk.”
Examine your relationships.
If you are afraid others will be offended by your truth, ask yourself if you really want to be spending time with people to whom you have to lie on a regular basis. It may be that for you to get into integrity, you have to do some housecleaning of your relationships.
If some of your relationships go out with the recycling, you’ll have more room for building relationships with people you can be honest with.
Give your word less often.
If something is a “maybe” for you, say so, being clear that you are choosing to withhold your commitment until a later time. Or err on the safe side, and decline. Realize that your commitments matter; if you are consistently breaking your word, your relationships will never be fully satisfying. If keeping your word means you have to give it less often, then by all means, give it less often.
The less it is given and broken, the more powerful it becomes.
Over time, you will find yourself more energized to make commitments, and clearer about what kinds of commitments are right for you.
As your word becomes more and more powerful, your reality will begin to reflect that.
As you speak from a place of integrity, and use clear language in the service of your highest choices, you will start to manifest those choices very much as you have described them. When that happens, you’ll know you are on the right path and headed in a direction of personal power.
You will find yourself to be a much happier person when your words match your intentions and when your actions match your words.
See you tomorrow with Way No.50
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ABOUT MARWA ABD EL AZIZ
Marwa is a pioneer and expert in developing projects to build revenue, profits and corporate visibility with extensive experience in all facets of projects starting with site identification, developing and overseeing the implementation of the feasibility plans for projects; actively participating in the various financial analysis, acquisition, master planning, design review and tendering.
She is in the UAE Property Development industry Since 2001 during which she has coordinated all administrative activities pertaining to construction projects with an overall budget exceeding 5 billion.
Marwa holds an Architectural Engineering degree, PMP and Master in Project Management from the American Academy U.S.A.
More info: https://pdcconsult.com
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