How much compassion do you have for yourself?

Today's mindset musings are around the subject of compassion.?

“Compassion I hear you say, Vivienne. What's that got to do with business? What's that got to do with mindset??

What's that got to do with how I feel, how I enjoy my life and how I show up and feel fulfilment in the world?”

Well, I say, everything!

Compassion is something that you probably have for a lot of people… Think about the people around you - friends, family, clients; how compassionate you are for them. How you understand their struggles, their woes, their past experiences, their experiences now.?

And then think about the level of self-compassion you have. How much compassion you have for the stuff that's going on in your life, and for the things you've been through.?

We don't tend to look at ourselves and feel compassion. We feel a whole lot of other things, don't we? And we know because it shows up in our self-talk… our language to ourselves. Which is typically something like, you stupid cow, what did you do that for? Why can't you just get on with it like everybody else? What on earth is wrong with you??

You think you're not good enough, you think you're not smart enough, you think you're not clever enough, you think you're too lazy. All these things, and many others, I'm sure. I'm sure you could add into this gap, the things you say to yourself to berate yourself, rather than show compassion.?

I do an exercise with my clients called the mirror exercise. It's probably called something smarter than that, but that's what I call it.?

Imagining that there's somebody else looking back at you from that mirror instead of yourself. Somebody that you love, somebody that loves you - somebody that unconditionally loves you, because you probably don't unconditionally love you!

You've got all sorts of conditions around your own self-compassion, self-love, self-care, so when you look in the mirror, you look for a problem and you look for things you have to fix. It's the way the brain works. We're programmed to find problems and solutions.?

So if you were to look in a mirror and somebody you really genuinely loved, and loved you, was looking back at you, and you said some of those things that you've been saying to yourself, I wonder how that person in the mirror. that is somebody else, would reply to you. What would they say when you say, “I'm just no good at this”? Would they go, “Yeah, you’re right, you’re crap, you should give it up, it's shit”? Would they??

Somebody you dislike and somebody who's bullied you in your life might say those things, but somebody who unconditionally loves, supports and cares for you, has got your back, is your number one raving fan cheerleader, what would they say??

Do this exercise now. Think of all the things you say to yourself that are negative, and I'm sure there are a fair few if you’re reading this. Think about what they would reply to you if you were to say all the things you say.?

I know this is a real experience, definitely for me. Mine isn't around my mindset around business or myself; but it is around my figure. It is around my capability around food, dieting and losing weight, and often people tell me off, even people I don't know, when I say, “Oh god, you know, I’m so fat”. They'll say, “What?”?

They don't think like that. They don't see me like that. I'm not suggesting they see me as a size eight - that'd be Body Dysmorphia for them I think LOL, but actually, they don't see that.?

They can't understand why I berate myself and beat myself up around these things. It's the one thing in my life I haven't been able to control… until now, possibly. Who knows? I've had many, many false starts, and I'm sure you understand what I'm saying.?

I'm sure you've had lots of false starts too! The reason is, there are two devils in your head. There's the one that says, you can't, you shouldn't, why can you, why should you, as if it's you. And then there's the other one that says, go on, give it a go, why not? It could be you… it could be you… do it. I wonder which of those you listen to?

Believe it or not, both of them are trying to help you. One of them is trying to keep you safe and the other is helping you to be successful. I'm wondering which one you listen to? The one you listen to will dictate your whole life. If that is showing up for you in a way that you're not succeeding and you’re staying stuck, then I know which one you're listening to - you're listening to safety.?

The oddest thing is though, safety isn't safe anyway, is it? They call it the comfort zone or the safe zone. I don't call it that because it's not comfortable and it's not safe very often. In fact, it is bloody horrible, frustrating and sometimes painful! l call it the ‘known zone’ because it's known to you - you know it. You know how to do it, you know how to feel it, you know how to think it and be it, you know how to talk to yourself about it, you know how to talk to other people about it, you know where you fit in society when you're being this version of you that you're being right now.?

Whereas, the more successful, more slim, more happy, more rich - fill in your own gaps; you wouldn't know how to do that. And that is why you've got a fear of success.?

The biggest thing I help business owners with is the fear of success.

If you've got this going on then I really want to help you. Book a 15-minute Laser Coaching call and we'll really get to the bottom of what's going on. Your self-talk tells me everything. Your belief system runs your self-talk and the self-talk is what you say out loud to me in that 15-minute power session. So if you need to get to the bottom of what's going on and keeping you stuck, I'm your girl. I look forward to it.