How to move your team from conflict to appreciation

We can shift our team’s performance through something very simple – learning to appreciate each other.?

In my work with leadership teams under stress, my first job is to help them move from conflict to collaboration.

I ask them what it was like during better times. They admit they got along ‘OK’ in a state of 'peaceful coexistence' where people are polite and moderately helpful, but inauthentic, with no challenge, feedback, or honesty. Performance is lackluster and people are unmotivated.

When things get really stressful the already existing relationship strains that have been papered over are brutally exposed to the light. People think the worst of each other and take everything others do or say personally causing upset and resentment. Performance sinks to a new low.

When I visit them I hear gossip, judgment, blame, and turf warfare.

The only way out of such conflict is to help those involved shift from thinking the worst of each other to active appreciation. How?

The other day I was working with the two owners of a rapidly growing business who have been under a lot of stress recently. All the cracks in their relationship are now glaringly obvious. There’s a lot of headbutting and conflict.

We reviewed their priorities. It was obvious they both want exactly the same outcomes for the business, which surprised them. The disagreements are simply a result of one being a self-assured, competitive spirit trying to grow the business and secure new contracts. The other is focused on discipline, processes, and systems to control and manage the business. But each was failing to understand the other’s perspectives and have been blaming each other for either slowing things down or going too fast!

Now they can see how vital the other has been to getting them to where they are today. I suggested they voice that appreciation regularly. It was amazing how in less than two hours they began to tell each other with enthusiasm all the ways they admired each other’s strengths.

Think about someone at work with whom you have an unproductive relationship. Do you know what success looks like for them, and does it match your view? How do your priorities differ and how are they compatible? How do your strengths complement each other? Use these insights to build a bridge.

I hope this is helpful to you. If you want to talk about this topic with me get in touch. I also made a video about this, you can check it here.