How to move when fear takes hold

"I don’t like it.?I want it to stop."

The words of my 11 year old when we realised the rollercoaster was going to go around again.

Uh oh.

There is no stopping.

We’ve just got to hold on and enjoy the ride.

And in that moment I realised that was my job.?Transform fear.?Feel the excitement. The thrill of it it.?

I whooped and laughed and talked her through every high speed turn.?Even though my stomach was dropping and I too would have liked it to stop.

And do you know what, as I spoke it all out loud I started to feel the thrill of it.?I started enjoying it.?The laughter was real.?And it was infections.?We ended the ride giggling (and very happy to be stepping off with our wobbly legs).?It kept us giggling all day.?And while we didn’t go back on that particular ride we went on every other ride in the park.?We had conquered the fear.

I have been sitting with fear a lot recently.?It’s a bit of a feature of running your own business.?It can feel like a tightrope and a tightrope (when you are terrified of heights) isn’t a particularly fun place to be.?

And I also know that fear is the least creative place I can sit.?I’ve been reading Fearless Organisations by Amy C Edmundson (highly recommend) and hearing stories from multiple organisations where fear has resulted in catastrophic failure.?Fear to speak up.?Fear to challenge.?Fear to own mistakes.?All create a culture where innovation dies and cover-ups thrive.?Not an environment for success.

Fear kicks off our survival instinct.?It lights up our nervous system.?Run, hide, attack!?Not ideal responses for leadership of any kind.?And I know fear has a job.?It says ‘be prepared’.?Fear wants to keep me safe.?So I listen when the fear kicks in.?What is it that you want to keep me safe from??Is that something that I need to be kept safe from??Or, am I already safe, just taking a new leap that is unknown, untested, unfamiliar.?Fear would like to keep me away from those.?Uncertainty can’t be guaranteed to be safe.

But what I have learnt from five and half years of travelling this self-employed life is that on the other side of fear is often joy, surprise, wonder.?I have learnt that it is possible to reframe the feelings of fear as excitement (just as I did on that bloody rollercoaster).?

So, if you are waking up in the night worrying about something at work or in your life; if you find yourself in your head thinking about the possible outcomes instead of taking action; if you feel that sinking feeling in your stomach when you imagine the what ifs and maybes; here are my tried and tested tips for moving through fear:

• Breathe.?It might sound too simple.?But there is very little that is more powerful than our breath when we start to experience fear.?A deep breath with a longer exhale is an immediate signal to your brain that you are safe.?Your nervous system can stand down.?There is no immediate threat.?Because, unless you are leaping out of the path of an oncoming vehicle (or some other actual life-threatening experience) your life is not in danger in that moment.?Breathe – in for four, hold for four, out for six, hold for four.?And repeat until you feel the physical sensations of fear subside.
• Write it all out.?What is it that is really worrying you??What are you afraid might happen??Get it ALL out.?And then ask, and what else could happen??What else is possible??Allow your brain to think through all the possible outcomes, good and bad.?Then go for a walk.?Move your body.?Connect with the natural world for five minutes or more.?And then come back to what you’ve written.?What wisdom is there for you in these words??What action do you now want to take??What support do you need to call in??
• Find a quiet spot (I like to go outside) and take yourself forward to a year from now.?Really see yourself in this future place.?Feel in to what is important here.?What are you celebrating??What are you grateful for one year from now??How does this challenge look from this perspective??Connect with this future version of you and ask, what do I need to know now about this challenge??Let the wisdom guide you.

Fear has a role to play.?But as Elizabeth Gilbert so wisely says, it doesn’t get to drive the car.?When we act from fear we don’t serve our best interests or the best interests of those around us.?Fear does not have space for creativity or problem solving or decision making.?We need to soothe fear before we can step in to that space.?

Where is fear getting in the way of your desires, your goals, your dreams??

I hope these steps help you to move in to a creative and innovative space to move towards what you truly want. I know they help me.

This article was first shared in my weekly subscribers email. You can sign up to my email newsletter here

Deliver Grow is a coaching, facilitation and training organisation supporting purpose-driven people and organisations to deliver their impact and thrive.??

Find our more about what we do and how we could support you?here

Or you if you'd like to have a chat about your current challenge and how I might be able to support you, please do?book a call