How to Move Forward After Making a Big Mistake

We all make mistakes. Sometimes, they’re small and easily brushed aside. But other times, we do something that s hakes us to our core, and the weight of it feels unbearable. You’ve found yourself in that place, having done something that deeply hurts someone, and now, as if the universe were teaching you a lesson, you’ve experienced the same pain yourself. You’re caught in the cycle of guilt, hurt, and regret, and you want to know: How do I forgive myself? How do I move on when someone has done to me what I’ve done to them?

1. Acknowledge the Pain—Both Yours and Theirs

Before you can begin the process of healing, it’s important to sit with the discomfort. Many of us try to run away from feelings of guilt or shame because they’re too painful to face. But healing doesn’t come by avoiding, it comes by accepting.

Acknowledge the wrong you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “I hurt someone. I made a mistake.” This isn’t about beating yourself up or sinking deeper into shame, but rather owning your actions and recognizing the impact they’ve had. Similarly, acknowledge your own pain. When someone does to you what you’ve done to them, it can feel like a mirror reflecting your own hurt back at you.

This is not the universe punishing you. It’s an opportunity to deeply understand the ripple effect of actions. Acknowledging the pain, instead of hiding from it, is the first step towards growth.

2. Understand That You Are Human

You are not perfect. No one is. We all carry the potential to hurt others, to mess up, and to make decisions we later regret. But making a mistake doesn’t define who you are, it’s just a part of being human.

Let yourself off the hook a little. Self-forgiveness begins when you realize that your mistake does not make you unworthy of love, kindness, or peace. Often, we hold ourselves to impossible standards and believe that because we made a big mistake, we are somehow “bad” or unredeemable. This isn’t true.

You can’t change the past, but you can control what you do next. Holding on to guilt doesn’t help anyone, it just keeps you stuck. Learn from the mistake, but don’t let it become your identity.

3. Practice Radical Self-Compassion

Forgiving yourself is often harder than forgiving others. You may be filled with “what ifs” and “should haves,” playing the moment over and over in your head, but this only drags out the suffering.

Self-compassion is the act of giving yourself the same kindness you would offer to a friend. Imagine if someone you loved came to you and told you they had done what you did. Would you berate them, call them unworthy, and tell them they deserve to suffer? Likely not. You’d hold space for their pain and help them see that they are more than their worst mistake.

Treat yourself with that same love. Understand that you are deserving of compassion, even now, even in this moment. When guilt rises up, remind yourself that you are doing your best to grow and learn.

4. Process the Pain When It Comes Back to You

When someone does the same wrong to you, it can stir up complex emotions. It’s not just the hurt of being wronged, it’s also the reminder of your own past actions. In these moments, it can be easy to fall back into self-judgment, thinking, "Maybe I deserve this."

You don’t. What happened to you is painful, and it’s important to honor that pain. Just because you made a mistake doesn’t mean you deserve to be hurt in return. The hurt you’ve experienced may feel like karma, but it’s also a chance to deepen your empathy. It helps you see things from the other side, to feel what the other person may have felt when you wronged them.

But instead of letting this pain crush you, use it as a catalyst for change. Let it teach you how important it is to be mindful of how you treat others. Let it guide you toward becoming a better version of yourself. You can’t control what others do, but you can choose how you respond to the pain.

5. Seek Closure, Not Punishment

Often, when we feel the weight of having done something wrong, we seek punishment. We think, “If I suffer enough, maybe I’ll feel worthy again.” But this approach only leads to more pain and doesn’t resolve the situation.

Instead, seek closure. Apologize where possible, but recognize that not every situation will lead to reconciliation. Closure comes from knowing that you have done everything you can to make amends to the person you hurt and to yourself.

Remember that closure also involves letting go of the need to control how others react to your apology or whether they forgive you. Their forgiveness is not something you can demand or expect. What you can control is your own journey toward peace.

6. Learn, Grow, and Move Forward

Mistakes are powerful teachers if we allow them to be. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” Instead of dwelling in guilt, shift your focus toward growth. What will you do differently next time? How will this experience shape the person you are becoming?

Self-forgiveness is not a one-time event, it’s an ongoing process. There may be days when the guilt resurfaces, and that’s okay. Healing isn’t linear. But every time you choose to show yourself compassion, to acknowledge your humanity, and to grow from your mistakes, you’re moving forward.

7. Accept That Forgiveness May Take Time

Healing from emotional wounds, whether they’re self-inflicted or caused by others, is not instant. It’s okay if you don’t feel a sense of peace right away. The process of self-forgiveness, like the process of grieving, is layered.

There might be moments when you feel you’ve fully moved on, only for something to trigger the guilt or hurt all over again. This is part of the journey, and it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Forgiveness, both of yourself and others, is a practice. The more you engage in it, the easier it becomes.

8. Trust That You Are Still Worthy of Love and Joy

At the heart of self-forgiveness is the belief that you are still worthy of love, joy, and peace. No mistake, no matter how big, strips you of that right. Even though you’ve been hurt and have hurt others, your worth remains untouched.

It’s okay to allow yourself happiness again. It’s okay to move forward without carrying the weight of the past with you. You are allowed to heal. You are allowed to forgive.

The Path to Inner Peace

Forgiveness, both of yourself and others, is a powerful act of courage. It means accepting that you are human, capable of making mistakes and capable of growth. It means embracing your pain, learning from it, and allowing yourself to move forward with kindness toward yourself.

You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of peace. You don’t need to suffer endlessly to prove you’ve learned your lesson. You’ve already taken the first step by recognizing the mistake and wanting to heal.

Allow yourself the grace to forgive, to heal, and to move toward a future that isn’t defined by your past but by the strength you’ve gained from it.