How to Move Ahead in Life without Holding Back

Growing up, we adopt both positive and negative memories from our parents and the environment we were raised. We easily remember criticisms and mistakes, and we let them control how we feel about ourselves.

Although, it’s human nature to spend more time on negative events than positive ones because we want to know why something went wrong so we can learn from it and prevent such occurrences in the future.

However, if your negative thoughts are casting a shadow on your life and blocking your personal growth, it will be wise to understand how you are holding yourself back from moving forward.

Listening to the wrong people

Some of us like seeking advice from people whose purposes do not align with ours. If you are the type that likes to get two or more opinions before you make a decision, chances are you are your worst enemy.

Not everyone will celebrate with you.?Not everyone will be happy if you are moving up the success ladder before them.

When you share your plans with people who secretly envy you, they may not give you good advice that will be productive to your goal. To avoid being caught in a trap with frenemies, keep your next move private.

Let your goals be known only to you.?If you need to get a second opinion about something, seek out those on the same path to growth as you.

You despise critique

No one likes to be judged. We all know that there will always be that one person who is out to tear you down. But are you going to let them? Or will you trump them?

I?see critics as motivators.?Whatever people say of me holds no value in who I am. I used to get upset when I’m called a slut.?It seems every single independent woman above twenty is a slut.

Where I come from, guys believe if a girl has a car, pays her rent, owns a successful business, she made her money from sleeping with sugar daddies.?So I spent my twenties redefining myself and focusing on my trading career so I wouldn’t have to depend on a man.

Even now, when I get rejected on a job, I make sure I upgrade to get approved on the next job proposal. When you let other people dictate your life experience, you are setting yourself backward big time.

Overthinking without action

My girlfriend has been putting off her writing plans. Two months ago, I shared my Medium earnings with her, and she was super hyped to become a writer.?She’s a full-time mum of three and has no idea how to be a freelance writer.

Last month, I guided her to set up her account, and she joined the premium plan. She has written a couple of drafts but hasn’t published one story.

Each time I ask why she hasn’t sent her stories to the publications as I recommended, she would come up with one excuse or another. I understand being a full-time mum is difficult, but if she can take out 3 hours every day to pen down a few words, she will be able to break free of procrastination.

If your big dream is buried in your mind without actions, this means you are afraid of something, and until you face it, you will always be holding yourself back from moving to the next level.

You are filled with self-doubt

Do you remember those times you want to do something, and then you collapse into a chair because you saw flashes of you failing at that thing?

You were asked to submit a proposal on an ongoing project at work. You get the offer; the other team has done an outstanding job. You hide yours and get scolded for not meeting the deadline.

The next day you convince your colleague to help you out with the assignment. You think your colleague’s proposal is much better, so you submit it. Only to find out later from your boss that your first proposal had more actionable goals and surpassed your boss’s expectations.

Does that sound familiar?

We tend to compare and shame ourselves for not being good enough, but we forget we are more than enough and capable of doing great and wondrous things.

Instead of wasting your precious energy pitting and comparing yourself to others, learn to be comfortable in your abilities.?You may not always get it right 100% of the time; the experience you learn from those mistakes is what will sharpen your potentials.

Settling for what’s available

If I asked you what is the most passionate thing you like about your job, what would your answer be? I bet 60% of the people reading this will say,?“I don’t know.”?It’s not surprising that we stay in jobs we don’ like so that we can foot our bills.

What we don’t know is that we stop striving towards a fulfilling career when we settle for jobs that don’t uplift us. We shut the?doors to opportunities ?that will make ours dreams a reality.

If you are not growing in that job, quit. If the person you are dating isn’t contributing to your vision, break up. Life is too short to waste on things that don’t bring you fun and fulfillment.

You never say no

If you are codependent, then you get why pleasing people is attractive.?If you’re in the habit of saying?“yes”?to every dick, tom and harry, chances are you’re ignoring your own needs.

You worry about not disappointing anyone. You work yourself to exhaustion because you don’t have the mind to sit idle and do nothing. You accompany your friends on dates because they need you to be the wingman/woman.

The problem with putting yourself in second place to others is that you will never have the time and energy to chase your own goals.

Saying no when it’s inconvenient isn’t rude. You can politely turn down a request without feeling bad about it. You can’t solve everybody’s problem,?so quit being a martyr and reserve your mental and physical energy for activities centered towards your goals.

Everyone is to blame except you

This was me years ago. I blamed my mum, my ex, even God for my?depression .?I didn’t want to take responsibility for my own wrongdoings. Failure, mistakes, problems are so painful that we tend to slide into default blaming syndrome to coping with reality.

We start blaming others from a young age. Either to escape punishment from our parents or to preserve our self-esteem and self-image. Then the behavior sticks with us through adulthood.

When we blame others for not being where we should be, we are technically saying others’ opinions matter most in our lives. We are giving them the power to predict what happens in our life because we will hold on to the?“if only”?and?“what ifs.”

Also, when we don’t take responsibility for our failures and blame others, we hand them the right to solve the problem and won’t learn from that experience.

Instead of blaming, take accountability for your mistakes. If something had gone wrong, you must admit you are part to blame.

This was first published on Medium