How to Be More Assertive in the New Year

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The new year is already underway, with many of us are setting goals to improve various aspects of our lives – health, finances, relationships.

One area that often gets overlooked but can significantly enhance both personal and professional growth is assertive communication.

One study found that employees with assertive skills demonstrated better work performance (Source) while another found that individuals who communicate assertively tend to experience higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships, including higher rates of self-esteem (Source).

Yet, when it comes to asserting yourself, whether it be because of avoidance, people-pleasing, or simply you don't know how, we often get it wrong.

To put it simply: assertiveness is not about being aggressive or overly passive, but about expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully while honoring the perspectives of others.

Drawing from the principles in my book The New Middle: Connecting Heart and Mind to Collaboratively Disagree and key takeaways from assertive communication training, this post will guide you through actionable strategies to cultivate assertiveness and set a tone of confidence and respect for 2025.

Assertiveness is About Respect

At its core, assertive communication is about mutual respect – standing firmly in your truth while maintaining a curious mind to others.

Think of it like walking a tightrope, having to balance between understanding another person's "truth" while trying to communicate your own. Striking this balance helps you maintain respect (both for yourself and the other), without undermining anyone, fostering deeper connections and collaboration.

As Brené Brown aptly put it, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” And so is assertive communication!

Assertiveness is not just a skill; it’s a mindset. It asks you to be clear about what's bothering you, what you're asking for, and inviting the other side to dialogue with you.

This requires emotional intelligence to manage your feelings and strategic communication to convey your message effectively. Below is a framework for how to achieve this.

The R.E.A.L. Framework for Assertive Communication

To build assertiveness, a structured approach like the R.E.A.L. framework can be transformative. It stands for Recognize, Express, Ask, and Look (together):

1. Recognize: Identify the specific situation or behavior you want to address. Be objective and neutral, avoiding judgment. For example: “When we were discussing ideas in yesterday’s meeting, you interrupted me several times…”
2. Express: Share your feelings using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For instance: “…I felt frustrated and unacknowledged because I couldn’t share my perspective fully.”
3. Ask: Clearly articulate what you need moving forward. Assertive communication is solution-focused. For example: “I’d appreciate it if we could ensure everyone has uninterrupted time to share during discussions.”
4. Look: Invite collaboration by asking an open-ended question: “How do you feel we can make our discussions more inclusive?”

This framework emphasizes clarity, respect, and collaboration.

Assertiveness in Action

Imagine this: You’re in a team meeting, and a colleague consistently dismisses your ideas. Instead of retreating into silence or reacting aggressively, you apply the R.E.A.L. framework:

• Recognize: “In our last meeting, I noticed my suggestions weren’t addressed.”
• Express: “I felt overlooked and unmotivated because I value contributing to our team.”
• Ask: “What if we made a conscious effort to hear everyone’s input before moving on?”
• Look: “What do you think about that?”

This approach allows you to maintain control of the conversation while inviting collaboration, transforming potential conflict into an opportunity for growth.

Overcoming Barriers to Assertiveness

Many people struggle with assertiveness due to fear of conflict or rejection. You might hesitate to speak up because you worry about being perceived as difficult, being too emotional, or damaging a relationship.

Here’s the good news: assertive communication, when done respectfully, often strengthens relationships by building trust and understanding.

To overcome these barriers, consider the following:

• Mindset Shift: Embrace the belief that your voice matters. Assertiveness is not about demanding your way; it’s about creating space for mutual respect.
• Practice Self-Awareness: Pay attention to your emotions and triggers. Are you withdrawing when you should be speaking up? Do you people-please to maintain the peace? Journaling or reflecting on past interactions can help identify patterns and areas for improvement.
• Start Small: Practice assertiveness in low-stakes situations. For example, if you’ve received the wrong order at a restaurant, politely address it. These small wins build confidence for more significant conversations.
• Daily Affirmations: Remind yourself daily: “My voice matters. I can communicate with confidence and kindness.”

Closing Thoughts

Assertiveness is a cornerstone of healthy relationships and effective leadership.

By committing to this skill in the new year, you can create stronger personal and professional connections while honoring your needs and values. Remember, assertiveness is not about perfection but progress.

As we move into 2025, I invite you to embrace the principles of The New Middle and the R.E.A.L. framework to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and clarity. Let this be the year you stand firmly in your truth – kindly, respectfully, and unapologetically.

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This article is inspired from my book "The New Middle: Connecting Heart and Mind to Collaboratively Disagree," available to purchase on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. You can learn more about the book here.

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Other articles from?The New Middle?that you might be interested in:

What Your Communication Style Says About How You Disagree

Collaborative Disagreement?: Strategies for Turning Conflict Into Collaboration

How to Lead Yourself: Being Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Bridging Two Perspectives in a Difficult Conversation: Creating a New Middle

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Bryant Galindo is the Founder of CollabsHQ, whose mission it is to help business leaders and their teams navigate complex problems easily ??