How mobile phones and laptops are killing our (business-) relationships

So, there we were, about 45 mins early, at the client site. Me and my colleague, we were excited to be able to finally present ourselves in front of the management team of a big corporation. It had taken me 9 months and finally, we were there. We would talk about our view on Digitization, how we could work together. And for sure we would give it our 100%! 

As we set up our stuff in the really great presentation room some people already trickled in. Most of them took a seat in silence with their eyes glued to their cell phones and continued to do whatever they were doing. Some of them opened their laptops and frantically continued to do the task that, apparently, needed to be finished in the next couple of minutes before the start. 

After a short while the owner of the company, who had invited us, entered the room as well and with a big smile welcomed us. “Thanks, guys for being here with us, we really look forward to some quality content and some great conversations! Did you already meet some of our people?”. Uh, well…..we stumbled…

We started our presentation and after an hour or so we had our first break. While we were getting ourselves a good Nespresso at the coffee counter I asked the owner whether we are heading into the right direction with our workshop. I just wanted to check some observations I made. And you might recognize this ‘popular’ behavior pattern as well, that somehow has emerged in corporate businesses lately and seem to be a default. Whenever these days you are in a meeting room people have their laptops open and their cell phones at an arm's length away or at least in sight. Then it’s like you are looking at a ‘wall of laptops’ and above every laptop, you barely see the heads and faces and sometimes you can even hear quick typing on keyboards…

In the beginning, when this ‘trend’ arose I naively thought that most people were taking notes! Great! But I got a huge surprise when on one occasion I asked the person who was frantically typing during my presentation if I could get a copy ;-) Then I got his genuine reply: “I am not taking notes, I am doing some emails and I listen to you as well, I can do that!”. ..

I was stunned and had no words to say. Simply because he truly believed in what he said. So, he was doing other things while I was presenting stuff that is key to his future success and he believes that works? What do I miss and could it really be that you can do two things consciously both at 100%? And if so, how come it gave me such a bad feeling? Did I drive 200 miles to ‘feel ignored’? The survey afterward was good; the people had liked the workshop. But still. This could not be the right way of building a business relationship and having quality conversations with people? Or could it?

A few years ago, in fact in 2015 already, Simon Sinek, who we all know from ‘ Start with Why’ posted a video about ‘How Mobile Phones were changing people’s behavior’. In 2017 he posted a new video with an updated message: ‘mobile phones are having a devastating effect on our capability to have meaningful conversations’. Simon Sinek explains that to have a meaningful conversation, you simply have to “be there 100%.”

But even long before Simon Sinek, in the ’90’s the importance of ‘being there’ was already mentioned. The Fish Philosophy in the short movie FISH! teaches us the right attitude in dealing with customers.

Looking at the movie now ‘in the new digital age’ it has an even bigger impact on me than back then. Why? Because the endless bombardment of news, gossip and images that are fired at us at shorter and shorter intervals through intrusive apps is having an even greater devastating effect. It makes it almost impossible to ‘be there 100%’ as we are interrupted the whole time. Only when we are ‘100% there’ we are able to truly connect and have meaningful conversations. Only when we are ‘100% there’ we can have the most effective learning experiences and are we able to create likable relationships! 

And we all know by now that likability is key in any area of our lives. Whether it be in private or in business. Especially in a more and more commoditized world where products and services seem to be almost alike. It’s even a fact that we pay a higher price for this ‘likability’ although we might not admit it… 

So next time when you want to have your cell phone in sight during a meeting or if you continue to type an email while on the phone with someone else…do ask yourself: am I “100% there?” Cause if not, you are missing out on a great opportunity to spend your precious time with quality. And that’s what matters most.

In short, to improve your impact and relationships dramatically you need to follow these 3 simple rules of quality time management:

1. “Be there 100%” - leave your cell phone or laptop out of sight, really, they will survive.
2. “Focus on the quality” of the conversation. As human beings, we are analog by nature. We love real conversations, you should try it.
3. “Boost your likability” and success will follow. 

Namasté,

René Verspuij

Working in the Digital arena, Quality Time Manager & Digital Realist