How Mindful Listening Helps You Communicate

Welcome back to the Amplify Emotional Intelligence newsletter. Twice a month, I’ll share advice and inspiration to help you develop emotionally intelligent leaders and transform your company culture. Together, we can #amplifyei and create more belonging.

How Mindful Listening Helps You Communicate

Think back to the last conversation you had. Were you listening to respond? Or listening to understand??

It’s all too easy to go into auto-pilot during conversations. Life is busy and the mind wanders. Maybe you just want to wrap up the conversation so you can get to the next task. Or maybe you’re so concerned with defending your point that you forget to listen to the other person’s perspective.?

Excellent listening is physical, emotional, and mental. It takes focus, empathy, and intentionality, and these things don’t always come naturally. The practice of mindful listening supports active listening skills with mindfulness check-ins, which help a person center ahead of a conversation.?

Mindful listening is different from what many people are used to. Most of us are never taught listening skills, and as a result we get into habits of listening to respond. But when you begin to practice steps towards mindful listening, you will grow in empathy, communication, conflict resolution, and human connection.?

Silent Listening exercise?

One of my go-to tools when working with teams is the Silent Listening exercise. This simple exercise gives people a feel for how they usually listen, and what it’s like to begin listening with more mindfulness.?

One person spends two or three minutes sharing a particular experience, while the other person listens silently and with a quiet mind. Listening silently can be hard for people, because so often we’re eager to respond before the other person is finished. It’s natural to want our experience to be heard, too. But mindful listening—listening that sees, hears, and feels the other person’s experience—brings empathy to the conversation.

Empathy is the ability to share in the feelings of others. It is rooted in compassion, curiosity, and understanding. When you listen empathetically, you see things from the other person’s perspective. This leads to stronger connections and deeper communications that go below the surface level.?

Empathy comes naturally to some, and there are ways to increase your empathy. In every conversation, make sure you’re hearing the person, and understanding the way they feel about what they’re communicating. It’s ok to be direct and ask about their feelings, too.?

Skills for mindful listening?

Mindful listening is an essential skill for leaders, but everyone can benefit from the practice. If you’re ready to become a more mindful, empathetic listener, try these techniques.

1. Do a mindfulness check-in

Mindfulness can be an excellent tool for minimizing distracting thoughts and staying grounded in the present. It helps a person get centered and prepare for the emotional part of listening. And research suggests that it could have a positive effect on communication skills.?

The next time you’re preparing for a conversation, try doing a mindfulness check-in right before. Use that time to reflect on your goals for the conversation, and set an intention to listen empathetically.?

2. Ask generous open-ended questions?

Open-ended questions help show the other person that you’re interested and curious in what they have to share. These are the questions that cannot be answered with a single word like “yes” or “no.” Instead, they invite a person to elaborate and share more about themselves. This is often done by focusing on the “why,” “what,” and “how” of the subject. For instance, instead of “Did you like growing up in the country?” you could ask, “What was it like to grow up in the country?”

Asking plenty of questions in general helps ensure that you’re getting clarity in the conversation. And using open-ended questions can deepen a conversation and show the other person that you’re engaged and listening.?

3. Notice non-verbal communications?

The saying “actions speak louder than words” certainly rings true in conversation. Non-verbal cues can communicate a lot to another person, whether it’s through body language, gestures, eye contact, or facial expressions.?

It’s important to both communicate with your own non-verbal cues, and to read another’s. You can use these cues to show that you’re listening, like by nodding or making eye contact. You’ll also be able to get a better read on a person’s emotions by paying attention to their cues. For instance, slouched posture and crossed arms may suggest more than disengagement—it may be a clue that someone is feeling negatively and needs support.

4. Repeat a person’s words to make sure you understand?

Mindful listening is all about listening to understand, and repeating back a person’s communications is a great way to keep that goal in focus. It shows them that you are hearing them, and can help you stay focused on the conversation.

Try to avoid paraphrasing unless you need clarification. And be clear about that intention. Otherwise, you may inadvertently cause more confusion or friction in the conversation.??

5. Offer complete silence

Questions, interjections, and one-upmanship are all common occurrences when people listen to respond. Listening in silence ensures that the other person gets the air time they need to share completely.?

As a board-certified leadership coach, keynote speaker, and facilitator, for over twenty years, Patrice B. Borders has combined her employment law and human capital practices to help organizations and individuals develop resonant leaders, collaborative teams, and inclusive workplace cultures. Continue the conversation at amplifyei.com and stay connected by following #amplifyei .