How meaning can help you decide what to do with your life

Over the years I've cycled through A LOT of personal projects and identities: #writer #veteran #prpro #entrepreneur #professor #outdoorswoman #higheredadmin #legallyblind #feminist #meditationteacher #guidedog handler, just to name the most obvious. Oh, let's not forget I'm a mom, daughter and wife!

I've found meaning in each of these identities. They have given me a sense of purpose and, very often, a community of people with shared experiences to connect, share and grow with. Meaning has been so important in my life that I'm even writing a book about it!

But what does meaning even mean?

When I use the word in conversation, people nod along like they know what I'm talking about, but I don't even know what I'm talking about most of the time. The word "purpose" seems more straightforward, but "meaning" is nebulous and sounds very high-level and "woo-woo." What does it look like in practical terms?

Working definitions of meaning

I picked up my current obsession with the concept of meaning after reading Emily Esfahani Smith's "The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That's Worth Living " in 2018?(though interestingly, the subtitle on my book reads, "Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed With Happiness"). In it, Esfahani starts her definition of meaning by pointing to Aristotle's thoughts on eudaimonia, the ancient Greek word for "human flourishing."

"To Aristotle, eudaimonia is not a fleeting positive emotion. Rather, it is something you do. Leading a eudaimonic life, Aristotle argued, requires cultivating the best qualities within you both morally and intellectually and living up to your potential. It is an active life, a life in which you do your job and contribute to society, a life in which you are involved in your community, a life, above all, in which you realize your potential, rather than squander your talents."

Essentially, "being good and feeling good."?

But the author wants (and needs; after all, she's writing a book about the concept!) to develop her own definition. So she proposes four pillars, which she discovered in her research of ancient and modern philosophers and psychologists who study these things. They are:?

1. Belonging
2. Purpose
3. Storytelling (i.e., how we talk about our selves to both internally and with others)
4. Transcendence

All her concepts resonate with me (and glancing at my book highlights from 2018 makes me think I should re-read the book).?

But?I found a new definition of meaning — more of a framework, really — that I can't stop thinking about.

(Here's where I apologize if you're getting tired of hearing about Brendon Burchard's High Performance Habits book, which I mentioned both on?Day 1? and?Day 2 ; it's what I'm currently reading and is inspiring me to write, and I'm just going with it.)

Burchard starts with defining meaning at work, which he says includes?enjoyment?(of tasks),?alignment?(of values) and?fulfillment?(of outcomes).?

Meaning at work is REALLY important to me.?I'm an #INFJ , meaning I tend to have strong values that dictate how I spend my time and energy (more than others). But I'm also a #Type3 on the #enneagram which means I have a strong need to be seen by others as competent and "good enough" to feel whole (more than others).

(Forgive me here for falling back on personality tests, but for all their flaws, I've found them helpful on my journey.)

But as we've all learned over the pandemic, there's more to life than work.?So Burchard moves on to a broader framework — and that's where things got much more interesting for me.?

His four-part meaning framework, which he discovered in his primary research of what he calls "High Performers," includes:

• Enthusiasm (for the project you're working on)
• Challenge (he uses the word "connection," as in connection to colleagues and organizations who challenge you, but for me, the operative concept here is really challenge)
• Satisfaction (the project supports your values, personal growth and impact)
• Coherence (a psychological term that means something "makes sense" to the story of your life + allows you to be a part of something bigger than yourself)

The big "ah-ha" moment came when I realized that?these four concepts made the PERFECT framework for helping me decide what I want to do next with my life.

I am a person who fundamentally finds it?excruciating?to have so many ideas and dreams, yet not have the clarity and focus to execute well on any of them. It's no wonder I struggle with perfectionism and imposter syndrome! I am that dog in the movie "UP," constantly yelling "SQUIRREL!!!!!!" and rushing to a random corner of the internet. My shiny object syndrome got so bad over the past year that I had trouble doing my job, so I spoke to my VA psychiatrist, who after testing confirmed I had ADHD. My mother has been saying for years that I had serious attention issues, but I've become such an absolute boss at managing the symptoms with exercise, meditation, and a very intense need to be publicly seen as competent, that I never felt comfortable asking for help.

(Not to get off on a tangent here, but I've become fascinated with how many veterans I meet with diagnoses or strong symptoms of ADHD; I'm convinced it's our superpower.)

So yes, at any given moment, I have about five billion projects, business ideas, etc., that I'm on some level pursuing, all related to the identities I listed at the beginning of this post. I could be successful at any one of them if I decided to throw all my mental, emotional and spiritual mojo (not to mention the aforementioned ambition) behind one of them. But I can't. Just ask my husband. While he generally acts supportive every morning on our dog walk when I launch into "Jill's Brilliant & Exciting Daily Business Idea," I know he would appreciate it if I could?pick one already?and focus on that.??

The worst part? Leaving my job has made my "meaning ADHD" worse. I've lost a big chunk of the meaning I once had. Yes, I'm writing a book. Yes, I hold leadership positions on two separate boards and planning an event for 800 VIPs in November. Yes, I'm traveling the country to learn to ski with low vision and attend conferences. YES, I'm maintaining a robust social calendar with friends and colleagues.

But that's apparently not enough for me.?

I've spent the past 80 days or so casting about for the ride idea, right project, right book (to read), the right plan, the right something to make my life feel meaningful, making myself nuts.

And it turns out all I had to do was run every crazy idea I had through Burchard's meaning framework. Here's what it looked like in my head when I thought about the projects I was considering:?

• Enthusiasm:?Am I genuinely excited to work on this project every day, for weeks and months? A surprising number of my ideas fail to pass this test.
• Challenge: Is the project challenging enough to be fun and interesting, but not so difficult that I give up at a roadblock or two? Is it the "right kind of hard"??
• Satisfaction: Can I bring my values to the project? Will it result in personal growth? What impact will I be able to make?
• Coherence: Does the project fit within my sense of self and life experiences? Does it allow me to be a part of something bigger than myself?

If it doesn't hit all four of these proverbial cylinders, I can safely and confidently put that idea into the discard pile.?

This was the most liberating thing that's happened to me in a long time. My hope is it does the same for you.

FYI, this framework isn't just for those of us with shiny object syndrome. It can also help you if you're feeling stuck or like you're just going through the motions. Try using this framework and asking the questions above that I asked myself.

Regardless of where you are on your journey, I hope it helps clarify where you want to spend your time and energy (and limited time on this earth).

Tell me in the comments: what have you found that's given your life meaning? Does it pass the framework of Enthusiasm, Challenge, Satisfaction and Coherence?

Originally published on my blog, https://jillhintonwolfe.com/blog