How me trying to get rid of pain actually caused more pain…

How me trying to get rid of pain actually caused more pain…

Let me start off by saying this–it’s okay to FEEL your FEELINGS. ??

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been hit with a lot of grief and heartache (more on this later)...

…And it’s been damn-right HARD. ??????

But I feel like I’ve been able to tackle it better than I have before…

Why?

Flashback to my 14-year-old-self who was going through a lot of emotions during her high school years. Feelings of…

…Rejection. ??

…Heartache. ??

…Being unloved. ??

…Unworthiness. ??

And what I did back then was bounce between three things… 3??

1) I sobbed on my bed for hours listening to sad music and talking so poorly to myself. ?????

I said things like…

…“No one will like you.”

… “You are not popular.”

…“You are too kind and overthink too much.”

…“You are not as pretty as your friends.”

2) I pushed away my feelings to grind through my homework and get things done (I call this the “white-knuckle approach.”)... ????

But the opposite effect happened…

…I took hours to finish just one assignment.

…I couldn’t think during the day.

…It was hard for me to be productive.

…My mind couldn’t focus between all the sniffles and used tissues.

…My heart was racing 1,000 miles per minute.

And 3) I pretended like nothing happened… ????

When people would ask me how my day was, I replied with a smile, “Good, how is yours?”

(But I knew damn well that that wasn’t the answer…My insides were begging for a hug and someone to tell me that everything was going to be alright. ??)?

So, in the end, what did sobbing on my bed, white-knuckling, and pretending like nothing happened lead to…?

…More pain, disconnection and emptiness. ??????

How could me trying to GET RID of pain CAUSE MORE pain? Crazy concept, right?

But here’s the science behind it…

As humans, we try to yield the least amount of pain possible, and we fear these feelings of rejection, abandonment, and heartache more than diving head first into them…

Because of this, we build up walls and talk ourselves or others down–we think that’s what’s going to solve the problem… ??

…But actually, it buries our emotions and our worth, and blocks the light and sources of truth and love to come in. ??

It wasn’t until I started undergoing my inner healing journey in 2020 to realize the damage that these so-called “protectors” I built up damaged me and those around me… ??

I realized that I’ve been…

…Projecting the same things I told myself back in high school to others.

…Judging myself and others for how they looked.

…Taking out my pain and stress on others.

…Being excessively hard on myself, especially when things went wrong.

And oh man, I can’t even begin to explain the hurt that this caused, and I realized after all these years that MY METHOD of healing pain WASN’T WORKING…

…So I decided to try something new.

I decided to start…

1. Changing the way I talked to myself ?
2. Allowing myself to feel my feelings, and ?
3. Letting people into my messiness ?

Since my grief and heartache hit a couple weeks ago, I have been journaling and speaking truth over my heart, saying things to myself like…

…“You are worthy.” ?? ??

…“You are enough.” ?? ??

…“You deserve happiness.” ?? ??

…“Your authentic self is the most beautiful.” ?? ??

…And more.

Just last Saturday, I laid on the grass in Addison Circle Park and cried like I have never cried before in my entire life…I was literally gasping for air…

(It was so hard that I had someone come up to me and ask if I was okay LOL. ??)

This time, I didn’t just bulldoze over my feelings and trudge through the day…

…Instead, I released all those emotions that were pent up inside me.

And when people would ask me how I’m doing, I wouldn’t just say that I was good. I would say…

…I am struggling. ??

…I am hurt. ??

…I am confused. ??

…I am pissed and angry and sad all at once. ??

I let them sit with me while I was ranting and crying rather than pushing them away… ??????

(You know who y’all are–you are the realest, best friends I could have asked for in my life.)

…And most importantly, I allowed The Lord to come in, comfort me, and pierce through the pain. I allowed for my tiredness and weariness to rest on His shoulders… ?? ♀?

He showed me His love and how He sees me–the REAL TRUTH that we need to start believing as humans…

This time–unlike my high school years–I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t feel like I had to do it myself and carry all the weight of my emotions…

…And you know what happened then?

I WAS OKAY.

…I moved on with my day. ??

…I was able to work, play and rest. ??

…I was able to be happy and laugh even in the dark moments. ??

…I checked off things on my to-do list. ??

…I was able to pour more love into others and myself. ??

...I didn't blame myself for how things were shaping up. ??

And more importantly, the feelings of rejection, heartache and emptiness didn’t hit as hard…

…My PAIN DROPPED to what felt like a Level 10 to a Level 3. ??

I’m not saying that this pain or these negative feelings or my ugly emotions were wiped away entirely…

…Instead, I have learned through my inner healing journey how to nurture, partner with, and face these head on so that they don’t consume my life and everything around me. ????

So if you’re feeling like the chaos and grief in your life are stripping you away from the joys and happiness that life has to offer, then join my Soothing Stress Collective ? Facebook Group today!

In this group, we engage the MIND, BODY and SPIRIT to relieve stress… ??????

You can…

…Learn the same practices I have used repeatedly to tap into your emotions. ?

…Take action to manage your thoughts healthily. ?

…Follow meditations and exercises designed to unlock tension that you didn’t realize was stored inside you. ?

…Connect with like-minded individuals who are on a similar journey (remember, you are not alone in what you're going through!). ?

…Engage in conversations about mental health, personal development, and self care. ?

…And more!

If you are ready to start FEELING YOUR FEELINGS and REDUCE PAIN, join the group today and receive a free meditation guide! ??

Soothing Stress Collective ?