How to Mature as A Coach

We do not learn from experience... we learn from reflecting on experience” - John Dewey

More often than not, the role of coaching calls for asking good questions. There are usually certain rules around questions that a coach may have learnt during their leadership training or at their coaching school, and in the beginning stages of professional coaching it is not uncommon to do a bit of ‘checklist coaching’ and stick to the parameters that one has learnt.

What ends up happening though is that coaches and leaders spend more time in their own heads trying to remember the questions that they’re supposed to be asking instead of actually listening and paying attention the person they are coaching, thus making coaching much more complex than it is supposed to be. As a coach, being present and using reflective statements such as summarizing, paraphrasing, and drawing distinction can end up being more powerful than asking that one ‘magical’ question.

The author of the book Coach the Person, Not the Problem, Marcia Reynolds, is of the view that when a coach asks a question after providing a reflection, the question is more likely to arise out of curiosity and not memory. At that point, even a closed question can lead to a breakthrough in thinking. 

In her book, Marcia very rightly points out that coaching should be a process of inquiry, not a series of questions, as it is commonly perceived: “The intent of inquiry is not to find solutions but to provoke critical thinking about our own thoughts. Inquiry helps the people being coached discern gaps in their logic, evaluate their beliefs, and clarify fears and desires affecting their choices. Solutions emerge when thoughts are rearranged and expanded. Statements that prompt us to look inside our brains are reflective. They trigger reflection. Reflective statements include recapping, labelling, using metaphors, identifying key or conflicting points, and recognizing emotional shifts. Inquiry combines questions with reflective statements.” 

So, when a coach uses reflective statements in coaching, they become a sounding board for their clients by helping them hear their own words and see how their beliefs form their perceptions and eventually come to terms with the emotions they are expressing. Adding reflective statements to questions makes coaching feel more natural and effortless. This in turn helps the clients think more broadly for themselves, beyond their own fears, inherited beliefs and assumptions.

Getting a new perspective as a result of reflective enquiry helps clients discover new solutions, take actions in solutions they had avoided and commit to long-term behavioural changes. And this happens more so in the case of reflective enquiry than when they are simply given advice or told what to do. Reflective practices provide an instant replay for clients which they can use to observe themselves telling their own stories. The questions then help clients identify the beliefs and behavioural patterns they are using. They see for themselves what patterns are ineffective, even damaging.  

Three Areas to Apply Reflective Enquiry 

From the ICF’s core competencies for coaches, I’ve extracted three that when paired with the aspect of reflective enquiry can help a coach mature from their current level to the next. From the following areas of competencies, reflect on and check with yourself to ascertain which stage you’re currently at and see how you can advance to the next stage: 

Active Listening

This is the ability to focus completely on what the client is saying and not saying and to understand the meaning of the context of the client’s desires and support their self-expression. The coach needs to listen without an agenda and distinguish between the words, tone of voice, and their body language.   

• Beginner Stage: At this stage the coach hears what the client says and responds to at a more obvious & surface level. The coach will signify attachment to questions like ‘what’s the problem’, ‘how do I help fix it’, or ‘how do I give value in fixing it’.  
• Intermediate Stage: Here, the coach is doing the listening at a very conscious level that is focused on the client’s agenda and may change if the client changes direction at the time of coaching. The coach is listening for answers, the next question to ask, or is looking for what to do with what they hear and will then try to fit what they hear into a model they understand. The listening at this stage tends to be more linear and concentrates on the content of words. 
• Advanced Stage: When a coach matures to a more advanced stage, their listening is completely attuned as a learner and as a result the listening happens at the logical, emotional, and organic level at the same time. The coach recognizes both hers as well as the client’s ability of intuitive and energetic perception that emerges when the client is speaking of things that are important to them, when new growth is occurring for the client, and when the client is finding a more powerful sense of self.  

The coach’s listening is in the present, but also involves being able to picture the client’s future develop. The coach hears the totality of the client’s greatness and gifts as well as limiting beliefs and patterns. 

Powerful Questioning

This competency involves the ability to ask questions that reveal the information that is needed for maximum benefit to the coaching relationship as well as the client. The questions would be clear & direct and open-ended (what's & how's) that would lead to new insight and move the client forward.  

•  Beginner Stage: At this stage the questions attend to client’s agenda, but are generally seeking information, are formulaic, and can sometimes be leading or have a ‘correct answer’ as anticipated by the coach. Generally, at this stage, questions are geared to solving issues set by client as quickly as possible. 
• Intermediate Stage: As one moves to the next level, the questions need to attend to client’s agenda and generally are a mix of informational and powerful questions. And even though they are powerful questions, they still tend to focus towards the solution to the issue that is presented by the client. The coach will ask comfortable questions sprinkled with coaching terminology. 
• Advanced Stage: After a coach has been coaching for a significant time and approaches a master level, the questions asked are usually direct & evocative and are responsive to the client in the moment, requiring significant thought by client or take the client to a new place of thinking. At this level, the coach uses the client’s language and learning style to craft questions. The coaching is fully based in curiosity, which enables the coach to ask questions to which even they themselves may not have the answers to. The questions often require the client to find hidden powers within themselves; the questions help the client create the future instead of focusing on the past or even present dilemmas. And lastly, the coach isn’t afraid of asking questions that will make either the coach and/or the client uncomfortable.   

Direct Communication

This denotes the ability to communicate effectively during the coaching sessions and to use language that has a great positive impact on the client. Direct communication requires the coach to be clear, articulate, and direct in question, observation and feedback while noticing language and impact on the client. The coach can draw on the client’s language and interests for metaphors & analogies to help them relate better. 

• Beginner Stage: At the starting stages, the coach is fairly direct and may end up using a lot of words or ‘dressing up’ a question or an observation. The questions and observations generally contain vocabulary from the coach’s training. Most of the communication occurs at a very safe level for the coach. 
• Intermediate Stage: At this stage the coach occasionally treats their intuition as the truth. The coach also occasionally does not say what is occurring for the coach for fear that the client is not ready to hear it. The tendency is to use more of the coaching language versus the language of the client. 
• Advanced Stage: At this point, the coach easily shares directly & simply and often incorporate the client’s language. The coach invites, respects, and celebrates direct communications back from the client and creates sufficient space for the client to have equal or more communication time than the coach. The use of language is broader than just the coach’s own coaching language – as a result of which the coach can play with and use the client’s language to broaden that base. 

Sources: 

https://libraryofprofessionalcoaching.com/concepts/best-practices-foundations/coaching-the-person-not-the-problem/4/ 

https://coachfederation.org/app/uploads/2017/12/ICFCompetenciesLevelsTable.pdf