How to master self-acceptance and forgive your flaws

What is self-acceptance?

Self-acceptance definition:

the awareness of one's strengths and weaknesses, the realistic (yet subjective) appraisal of one's talents, capabilities, and general worth, and, feelings of satisfaction with one's self despite deficiencies and regardless of past behaviours and choices. Source: Wikipedia

In essence, this is to accept your whole self, your strengths, and brilliance but also your flaws and mistakes. This includes your thoughts, your body, your actions, your choices, and accepting who you are today as well as who you have been in the past. That is to say who you really are and not who you think you should be.

For some people, this might not sound so easy but the good news is that it is possible to accept your whole self with some practice and nurturing. Our brain is a muscle, we can flex it and rewire our thinking and start to love our self.

No-one is perfect it's too much hard work and we will never get there. Mistakes and failures are the processes of learning, they help us grow and expand our perspective. Mistakes are ok, they are allowed. Flaws are beautiful, they tell a story, especially in nature where there is beauty in imperfection.

So, reduce your expectations, stop the worry, and free up some energy to allow growth and acceptance to happen. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

What does self-acceptance give you?

It's forgiving yourself and moving on. It's ok that you made a mistake or that something isn't perfect, this is the art of acceptance, to be at peace within, to not waste the energy by reacting, to let things go, to accept yourself for who you are.

Self-acceptance gives you confidence within, it brings more happiness in life and allows you to thrive in the face of adversity. You accept the lows, the knock backs, and imperfections and are able to move past them quickly without getting sucked in.

It allows you to see the positive side of things and to find the good. You are able to reframe a negative and look at it from a different angle, to absorb the learnings.

What if I don't accept myself?

Then you are denying who you really are.

Not accepting yourself can result in low self-esteem, self-loathing, self-contempt, humiliation, and more. You end up punishing yourself and believe that if you keep berating yourself that you'll learn the lesson and will change. This is a limiting belief. You are focussing in the wrong area and drawing more energy into this negative thinking which will only attract more bad thoughts. It actually takes more brainpower to process negative thoughts!

In each moment you're either practicing self-acceptance—or you're judging yourself.— Linda Arnold

An absence of self-acceptance can have an impact on your health. It can cause stress, anxiety, lack of body confidence, and more, as it disrupts your emotional control and perspective. It will affect your capacity to fully function, impact your future goals and what you strive for. You will find that you are more defensive, avoid challenges and it keeps you stuck.

Until we can accept our whole self, unconditionally, then we won't truly have self-acceptance.

Where does a lack of self-acceptance come from?

Our parents, peers, teachers, and people we held in authority when we were younger all had an impact on us and influenced our beliefs which we carry throughout our life, without question. We may not have received praise or feelings of worth, had conditions put upon us, and given unrealistic goals, our parents may have focussed more on our bad behaviour or compared us to others. As a child, this is installed as the norm and we grow up scrutinising ourselves against the same standards.

Rejection can also stick and knock our confidence and we often measure other events against the same level and don’t believe that we can do better. Instead, we should take the learnings, accept what happened, think of new ways or options available, and move on.

In such a fast-paced world, many people don't stop to appreciate themselves or acknowledge their strengths and achievements, they just move on to the next task in hand.

We look externally to others for approval and when we don't receive any we start to eat away at our self and assume what others 'must' be thinking when really we are only giving this our own meaning. Stop! Never mind what others think, how about appreciating and approving of yourself for all your efforts, and for how great you really are?

How do I practice self-acceptance?

Believe in yourself for you are worthy.

Self-acceptance is unconditional, you don't need to wait for that one thing to be perfect as that makes it conditional and unachievable. You can start accepting yourself right now in this moment, there is nothing you need to 'do' apart from reflecting inwards and accept the way you see yourself.

Here are some actions you can take to start your self-acceptance journey:

• Be present in each moment and observe. Do not label things as good or bad but to see them just as they are.
• Be positive, believe in yourself, and look on the bright side.
• Reframe any negative thoughts, for example: "I'm not good enough" change to "I'm trying my best, I'm just not there yet" and remember all the things you are good at!
• Don't judge or berate yourself and don't take things personally, remember we are our own worst critic. You set your own standards.
• Have compassion and forgive yourself, you are only human
• Do mindset exercises and loving-kindness mediation
• Practice affirmations, such as:
• I approve of myself and accept myself for my brilliance and my flaws.
• I don't take judgment from others. I am worthy and l give myself permission to love myself
• Fear of failure does not control me, I am uniquely me and I am great
• I release the need to criticise myself negatively and I am proud of all I have achieved and I forgive my past mistakes as being who I am is my divine right. 

Self-development is a continual practice on your life journey so don't expect miracles overnight but don’t give up. Notice the improvements you make each day and acknowledge your growth, give praise yourself, or even better, how can you reward yourself?

Remember:

• You are doing the best with what you've got at this moment in time
• Focus on what you do want and not what you don't want as where focus goes energy flows
• You have the capacity to change and make different choices
• If you accept yourself, others will too

Listen to more self-acceptance tips

I was recently a panelist on HighVibeProject's Expert Talk on The Art of Self-Acceptance with host Tina Raked and International best-selling author, Roderigo Diaz Mercado. Hear tips on how to accept yourself and learn to accept others and bring more magic into your life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQ-Gpimv28A&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR3b9Z46n01eq_NQXnVkj-w3iiIdEhXNzUgCSfeZoi6VQOwLyByIrovFmCU

Becky English is a hypno-coach serving clients online globally.

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