This is how Mary left a job she hated, found a job that made her want to leap out of bed in the morning and got a pay rise to boot

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WHAT YOU THINK YOU NEED TO DO

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Often you think the reason you don’t feel confident to take that next leap in your career is because you don’t have enough experience, knowledge or skills. You think you need to go on a leadership course or learn how to communicate better.

Or you may even think you need to get some therapy to tackle things like anxiety and low mood.

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WHAT THE REAL PROBLEM IS

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But actually one big problem I come across all the time with my career confidence coaching clients is that they create imaginary rules for themselves that they believe will help their career prospects but actually it keeps them firmly stuck where they are.

I had an awesome client that did this a lot, let’s call her Mary. Mary had worked her way up the career ladder in Healthcare. She had every qualification going under her belt. She was sh*t hot at her job but she had outgrown it and wanted to branch out and start her own business.

However she was stuck because she had chronic anxiety which her GP diagnosed as generalised anxiety, stuck her on some tablets and told her she would probably always be anxious.

So, she approached me because she didn’t want to feel anxious forever more and she knew it was holding her back from her dream job.

One big thing we uncovered in our coaching together was that Mary had some really, big unrealistic expectations that she placed on herself at work. These expectations were where her rules came from.

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HOW TO FIGURE OUR YOUR RULES

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I helped her to uncover her rules by asking her probing questions, things like:

?? What do you expect of yourself at work?

?? What standards do you expect yourself to meet at work?

??What aspects of yourself do you criticise the most when you’re at work?

??What judgments do you place on others at work?

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WHAT RULES LOOK LIKE

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A rule will look something like this:

I must do [this thing] otherwise I am a [a terrible thing you think about yourself]

Often the rules you create for yourself at work aren’t about work at all, they’re about hiding a part of yourself that you don’t like.

Some of Mary’s rules were:

?? I must answer emails at the weekend otherwise I am not good enough.

?? I must say yes to everything otherwise I’m a bad person.

??I must never make a mistake otherwise I am not good enough.

?? I must be the best otherwise I am no good.

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WHY YOUR RULES DON'T WORK

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All that pressure she was putting on herself was creating shed loads of anxiety. She believed those expectations meant she was good at her job. She thought if she followed those rules she would be seen as this excellent employee and get pay rises and promotions.

Actually what was happening was that she found it almost impossible to live up to those expectations because they were ridiculously unrealistic.

Every time she broke her rule, she would beat herself up. She would completely lose perspective and tell herself she was a bad person and worry incessantly what other people must think.

It was this consistent berating herself that damaged her confidence. The very thing that she thought would sky rocket her career was the very thing that was holding her back.

The more she beat herself up, the more she hated herself, the less confident she felt, so the harder she tried to stick to her rules, the more pressure she felt, the more anxious she got, the more she broke her rules.

Round and round and round like a sticky old trap that she couldn’t break free from.

And here’s the kicker – she had absolutely no idea she was doing this. Until we unpicked it all together. This is the thing, you develop these unhelpful habits without even questioning them or even being aware that you do it but they create havoc with your confidence. Bonkers, huh?

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HOW TO CHANGE YOUR RULES

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Now Mary had this realisation, firstly she could stop spending massive amounts of money on training courses, qualifications and therapy because that wasn’t the actual problem.

Secondly, she could start creating new rules for herself that were helpful, that actually boosted her confidence rather than chipped away at it. These rules were more realistic, flexible and balanced.

Rules like:

??If I make a mistake, I will use it as an opportunity to learn a lesson which means I strengthen my knowledge all the time.

??If I don’t check my emails at the weekend that means I get lots of rest at the weekend so that I am refreshed and on the ball on Monday meaning I am better at my job.

??If I allow myself to say no sometimes that means the quality of my work is better because I am not overloaded.

Don’t those rules sound a million times better?

It isn’t easy to change your rules, but with practise it gets easier and easier. Mary wrote her new rules down and kept them with her. She practised them every day by thinking of new ways to act and behave.

By the end of our 8 weeks together Mary was ready to start her new business, she had found the courage to hand her notice in and was putting plans in place. Miraculously her generalised anxiety condition had completely disappeared without having to take the meds she was prescribed.

Can you see how powerful it is to change those rules? Do you see how you are holding yourself back with your unhelpful rules?

(just as a side note: unearthing, adjusting and embedding new rules was only one part of the coaching we did together. In my program, Mary went through a complete process of understanding herself from the core and unlearning everything that was holding her back to create a brand new future version of herself that was unstoppable. This included working on her beliefs, thought processes, self esteem, identity and emotions and creating her personalised success mission plan.)

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WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUILD UNSTOPPABLE CONFIDENCE AND QUANTUM LEAP INTO A LEADERSHIP ROLE OF YOUR DREAMS JUST LIKE MARY?

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I’m running THE Masterclass of all Masterclasses on 29th December for women that have big dreams even if confidence is holding you back.

I’ll be talking about your subconscious rules in more detail as well as the other powerful, life changing elements to skyrocket your confidence, career and cash at breakneck speed.

I’m going to show you my exact secret formula for bending time and launching your career into the stratosphere this year (not in 5 years).

Discover how I helped awesome women like you to:

??Completely change careers and start a business living your passion

??Apply for promotions with ￡30k pay increases

??Leave a job that you have been in for such a long time that the thought of leaving feels scary

??Ask for pay-rises even if thought terrifies you

??Stand up and ask for exactly what you want at work so that you stop the burnout hamster wheel

Click on the link here for all the details and make sure you hit the ‘going’ button so you get reminders and access to the replay.