How many spoons do you have?

I live with pain. Every day. It's tiring and means I have to adapt how I live and what I do. My condition has flare ups, basically I have a rubbish skeleton. I'd forgotten how much working from home has helped me manage it in a way that is so much easier than when I have to travel into the office.

I'm not complaining about the return to work; I absolutely love working with my colleagues and having chats vs formal meetings. My aim in this blog is to share the way I manage it in the hope it might help you - either in how you view your own pain or understand others better.

Thinking about pain every day is boring, frustrating and doesn't help. However trying to ignore it and 'push on through' simply isn't feasible.

A few years ago I came across Spoon Theory.

Spoon theory isn't scientific, it's a metaphor that can help people like me explain to other people what living with invisible chronic pain is like.

So what is it?

Every day I start with a certain number of spoons in my metaphorical drawer.

If I have had a good night I might wake up with 12 spoons. If it has been a bad night I might wake up with only 8. On amazing days I wake up with loads of spoons. No matter how many spoons?there are?I have to think carefully about how to use them. If I try to use more spoons than I have, I have to pay them back.

Today is one of those days. Yesterday I went into spoon overdraft and I am having to spend most of today lying down. I am dictating this blog as I can do that without sitting up. It's one of my spoon adjustments.?

On a normal working from home 12 spoon day it will look something like this:

• Get up and help children with pre-school stuff - 1 spoon
• Take dog for a walk - 1 spoon
• Shower, make-up, breakfast, tidy up kitchen - 1 spoon
• Work for 3 hours - 1 spoon
• Take pain meds, rest for 20 minutes - no spoons
• Do a walking meeting/ take dog out - 1 spoon
• Work for 3 hours - 1 spoon
• Take pain meds, rest for 20 minutes - no spoons
• Work for 3 hours - 1 spoon
• Take dog out - 1 spoon
• Take pain meds, rest for 20 minutes - no spoons
• After school activities - 1 spoon
• Make food for family and have family meal - 1 spoon
• Tidy up/ laundry - 1 spoon
• Sit up to watch tv/ chat to family - 1 spoon
• Early night with full sleep - no spoons

On a day like that it's good - I've done a normal day's work, managed what I need to, helped my kids, had gentle exercise & fresh air (that's the dog benefit), rested when I needed to and used my spoons.

When I have more spoons and can make choices it's a great day.?

But normal days don't allow for driving anywhere or other travel, sitting in chairs that aren't adapted for me, skipping exercise or rest time on a busy day, working late, going to the shops or seeing friends. It doesn't allow for my children to have made extra mess.

It assumes every night is a good night.

I feel guilt about the impact it has had on my kids. When the grocery shop?is delivered, they unpack it. When we go on holiday they look after the luggage. When it's a bad day they cook. They bring me food etc in bed. They organise their stuff and do their homework without my help. In some ways I think it's been good for them, but it's not what I want and I can't predict what it will be.

Quite often I work in spoon overdraft and my weekends or evenings are spent trying to fill the drawer back up.

Coming back to the office immediately uses more spoons.?I haven't adapted to it yet, that's why I'm in spoon overdraft today and kicking myself for not managing things better yesterday.

Like I said, I've found Spoon Theory helpful for me to accept and understand my condition.?

We are all having to make adjustments as we return to the office. We will all have different responses and needs.?It's just about how you use your spoons.?

One of my hopes in writing this it that some of you may also find it useful in explaining your condition to colleagues and managers. I know it's been useful for me.

That's the beauty of Spoon Theory. We all have a spoon drawer.