"How Many G's?" Part 2

<!--

Now featuring, head-spinning quasi-pseudo-proto-science.

Leave your MLA handbooks in the fireplace where they belong.

Silly humans!

//-->

{"Another Cock of the Walk"-ing Dead}

Between 1981 and 2011, before NASA signed it's soul over to Space X, a typical Space Shuttle launch carrying a small team of tuna-sheep would reach a maximum velocity of ~7800 m/s at the height of their ascent, and vary between 2-3 G's (18-27 m/s^2) of max acceleration throughout. Peak velocity and acceleration occur at lift-off from sea-level, and again upon entering V.L.E.O. The entire operation takes 8.5 minutes (510 seconds), over which time, the fuel containers are periodically jettisoned. Calm down Elroy, Astro's out back the pod with Rosey. All space pets are accounted for.

So how much KE (Kinetic Energy) do I need for some T-minus "Let's-a-go"? Let's-a-do some accounting. The whole rig weighs 2 million kg. That includes the Orbiter at 110,000 kg, the External Tank with liquid fuel at approximately 700,000 kg, and 2 Solid Rocket Boosters (SRB's) loaded with solid fuel at 1.2 million kg. That is some serious burn weight. I'm pretty sure I can pull off my own version, though. I've watched enough Youtube am-sci channels. For now, I better put down my devices and leave the Gameboy to charge. I gotta get on the road with this impromptu physics experiment. Dude, where's my car? Oh, right it was impounded because I forgot to pay a few parking tickets. For a few and a half decades.

This is where my science hobbies have led me. Under a sturdy bridge spray-painted with folk art, plenty of northern exposure and great ventilation. I have by my side, a Leatherman Sidekick for home dentistry, a Remington 870 Wingmaster for the Walking Dead, and stacks on stacks of great American snack-food. The truth is, those NASA numbers vary a bit depending on the source, so I filled in the gaps with some pocket-calculator restaurant-napkin calculations of my own.

{O President-- Forgive Me of My Debts}

2 million kg at 7800 m/s peak velocity plugged into 1/2mv^2 = ~ 61 Billion kilojoules. In this case the 7800 m/s orbital velocity is derived as a percentage of escape velocity which is 11,200 m/s. Both are part of the same concept, where you set the kinetic energy equal to the potential energy, and then plug the derived velocity back into the original kinetic energy formula. Now you know the energy you need in order to greenlight production. I can go deeper into this later, but I'm a busy guy. I got bigger fish to fry on the back of my tailgate, I got outer space places to get to. Eastbound and Down is the name of the game, people. Well, it really looks more like North by Northwest. I'm getting vertigo, here.

What makes it all get done is KE. But how come how come it doesn't sound accurate at all? It's ballpark math for champions, is why. This is for rough and tough clean-up hitters. This is Powerball! And I'm pointin' to the stands like the Babe, but it ain't 1927. So, let's see what we can do. If I were to move just the ~100,000 kg Orbiter to peak velocity, I would only need 3.1 billion kJ. That doesn't account for fuel-weight, which I'm constantly using up. I also parachute my SRB's into the Pacific or Indian Ocean after 2 mins in flight. This gives me a real boost. I get lighter and faster as I go. Only 3.1 billion kJ, though? Sunuva-SRB!! Mr. Spacely isn't gonna like this.

The problem with using the KE equation for this method is that it actually calculates the maximum initial velocity to reach a certain height in one impulse. At best it gives me a rough average, from which I could eventually deduce and reduce to get the numbers I'm looking for. Otherwise it's best for solving problems related to projectiles and ballistics, not rockets, which exert continuous thrust. We lose a lot of info in averages. They're just so compelling. At my core, I must desire fuzzball logic. Otherwise, how would the inside of my head work?

What I really need is college level calculus. But what I really need is college level calculus just to figure out financing on a $50k/year student loan. But what I really need is $50k flat out. But what I really need is an animatronic owl like they had in Clash of the Titans, and in actual Ancient Greece to send messages from aristocrat to aristocrat. Catch 22 + or - 1. If only I had a magic lamp to keep track of my crazy wishes. "Why don't you tell your dreams to me, little girl...Fantasy will set you free." Wow, Jack FM, you make old crap sound elite!

{Magic Carpeted Van Ride}

BTW guys, I have "unofficially" and somewhat conveniently "borrowed" a white panel-van in Denver, and I'm siphoning fuel out of parked semis along the I-70. It's got 5% VLT on all the glass, and a factory radio with original antenna. The cargo space is fully loaded, my snackies are safe, and despite what you may be wondering, G.T.A offenses aren't prosecuted for vehicles under $100,000 in the Centennial State. Don't quote me on that. Blood pressure spiking. Where are the Turtles!!!?

Here's for a quick re-guestimation. I'm gonna bet I'll need at least half of the total KE that I originally mocked up. When in doubt, cut it in half. Let's make a pit stop at this truck depot to "refuel." And maybe get a Grand Slam breakfast next door because I feel like a winner. We're maxing out the Amex Black card, today. And the Wells Fargo Platinum! A lot of nice new plastic, they came with the van.

According to this Denny's napkin, the first 120 seconds of lift-off require 1.7 billion kilojoules (1/2)x(2,000,000 kg)x(1300m/s)^2 of KE-- 1300 m/s is the peak velocity after 2 minutes, that's when I eject the SRB's. Then according to this Krispy Kreme donut wrapper, to get to the remaining 7800m/s of velocity, I only need another 6500m/s worth of KE. Bare with me, science heads, I know that might not sound right. At that point, I'm 1.2 million kg lighter. So the total remaining KE needed is 16.9 billion kJ. Add it together, and I'm at 18.6 billion kJ. Let's put some padding on that beast and say a lucky 21 billion kilojoules. All Garfunkel, no Simon.

And I just made up my own Lego Duplo calculus (Lego Dupulus!), using nothing more than pre-algebra, some NASA website data, and plenty sugar, caffeine, and cholesterol! We're taking this rust bucket all the way to the Pacific Rim, baby. Bloody, King George and his high taxes! That'll show those redcoats who's coming. I'm gonna blast off the edge like a rocket, and dump all the pretty snackies in the Mariana Trench once and for all. Most of them. And, when they ask just who they're dealing with. Why, only the honorable, Sir George Jetson. Gatekeeper of the galaxy quest kilo jewels-- the other George. (Song on radio) "The miles just keep rolling, as the people leave their way to say hello." Careful, Jack. You're tugging at my strings, man. Those are tin-plated steel-- no polymer coating. They've got some rust.

TBC in... "How Many G's" Part 3.

Credit: Letters by LX @ ILX, colors by Whisk-e.