How Many Different Ways Do We Ask Questions In Negotiations?

What is offered below is a list of some of the HOWs, that is, how many different ways do we ask questions? The answer to that is, many different ways.

The 13 questions listed below are some of the many and common ways that we do already unconsciously ask questions.

Once you have been through this list you will start to realise that the nature of your questions is in fact the stimulus for many of the responses you get from others. Also you will note that your use of 5 particular questions marked with * may be causing unnecessary disagreement.

*The implication of the question is often blame or accusation.

 > Use more of

 < Use less of

<< Use much less 13 Ways To Ask Questions

 > Broad WH – The What and How questions

 Narrow WH – What and How

< Alternative Questions

 < Grammatical Questions

 << Negative Grammatical Questions

< Prosaic Questions

 < Tag Questions

 < Complex Questions

 > Pre-framed Questions

Speculative Questions

 > Hypothetical Questions Caveat Questions

* WHY Questions

 Broad WH – The What and How questions

When asking a single question starting with ‘What’ and ‘How’ and keeping it less than ten words you will discover a number of predictable things.

? An increased flow of information

 ? An increased flow of conversation

? A degree of choice and safety

? An increased likelihood of rapport

 ? A sharing of power and control

? And most importantly an absence of disagreement.

Broad “What” and “How” questions produce less disagreement than any other type of question. You will notice the skilled negotiator uses these very frequently and the less experienced negotiator uses fewer.

 Narrow WH – What and How Single questions that start with: when, where, who, whom and how specifically (that is, How followed by an adjective, How big, how fast, how successful etc)

Whilst these questions are “W” and “H” they stimulate very short responses, reduce conversational flow and reduce choice.

 Alternative Questions Provide a choice between options A or option B

 E.g. Would you like to do this or would you like me to?

Is it due this afternoon or tomorrow?

Are we going by train or car?

This type of question reduces conversation down to one or two words, often reduces rapport and most importantly to note is the fact that there is intrinsically the potential of disagreement within the question.

This type of question should only be asked when you have information that allows you to know that the answer will be affirmative, otherwise you could be creating disagreement unnecessarily.

Grammatical Questions These include the “Do you…?”, “Can you…?”, “Should she…?”, “Will he…?”, “Have they…?” and “Are we…?” type questions. They require only “yes” or “no” for an answer. They are useful as a confirming question or to close off a point if you know the answer is affirmative because it has already been discussed or implied.

That said it is important to realise the following; these questions are not only confirming questions; they are sometimes leading questions, often the person’s opinion or suggestion is tagged on the end, sometimes an implied instruction e.g. Do you think you should do that now? Which may not really be a question at all. The probability of disagreement in these instances may be as high as 50% thus the need to use them carefully.

Unfortunately, because of the time and pressure of the world and the workplace there is a strong tendency to overuse these questions and inadvertently trigger unnecessary disagreement.

Negative Grammatical Questions These include the “Didn’t you…?”, “Haven’t I…?”, “Shouldn’t we…?” and “Aren’t they…?” type of question. Two important considerations with this type of question are that they are often accusations or statements and not a real question at all.

The second consideration is that they can frequently create confusion without people being aware they are responsible for the confusion. Just watch that in your day-to-day life over the next week or two.

You will be fascinated by the impact of these questions. Additionally these are sometimes statements concealed inside a question, which can add to the confusion. There is little place for these in productive negotiation, the learning environment and where rapport is important.

 Prosaic Questions These are a statement with an implied question e.g. “You know what I mean?”, “That’s the best you can do?”, “You’re not serious?”, and “So we’re done here?” “You don’t expect me to be able to work with that now?”, “ You take milk in your tea?”. This type question is usually asked with the inflection and non-verbal signals that are associated with questions.

Prosaic questions also often lead to confusion, create mis- understanding or debate as the person answering the question is usually responding to the implied question and not the literal statement. These need to be used sparingly if you need to build rapport, so keep them to a minimum.

Tag Questions These include multiple pieces of content with only one leading, confirming question e.g. “You are going to do A, B, C, D & E is that correct?” If used, these questions are best used as a summary of what is already agreed.

 Complex Questions These are long combinations of question / statement / questions that are often the result of the person asking the question whilst thinking out loud. They include multiple pieces of information and different layers of questions e.g. “Let me ask you if I may, given the information at hand, what is your view on the hurdles we know of, we also need to consider all the factors and ensure we include the stakeholders input, so with all that in mind where do we think we should start and how would you proceed?” These can be used early in a meeting or negotiation to open up discussion, stimulate and broaden thinking, not so useful later when wanting to focus, keep to the point or come to conclusion.

 Pre-framed Questions Is a question that has a framing statement preceding the question. That maybe a statement to set the scene, provide context, indicate challenge or degree of difficulty and/or seek permission. Successful pre-framing in many instances will act as a softening of the question or prepare the recipient of the question for what is coming. An example would be “In alignment with the current constraints on spending, what is your estimate on what this is going to cost?”.

 Speculative Questions Examples of this are “What do you think could / would / might/ need to happen if a, b, or c were to occur?“ These invite speculation. (Must not use if the asker already has decided on the answer or the “right” answer.)

 Hypothetical Questions They start with “IF . . . What might / could / would/ be likely to happen?” (Must not be used if the asker has already decided on the answer or the “right” answer).

Caveat Questions One that honours a constraint or objection and still explores possibility, inside of the constraints e.g. “Given that . . . (insert constraint) is there something that can still be done and what might that be?”

 WHY Questions You’re probably asking, “Why was this left ‘til last?”. An interesting thing to do is explore what it is about a “WHY” question that makes it different. Take yourself back to an occasion where somebody asked you a WHY question. When they did, notice how frequently they asked it, with an almost accusatory tone. Chances are you responded somewhat reactively, even a little defensively.

Secondly, notice when people ask WHY questions, where you go to get the answer. The answer invariably comes out of the past. It then seems as if you are justifying what it is you are replying to.

Thirdly, WHY questions are asked around problems or when something has gone wrong. Hence, there can be a level of discomfort in a WHY question.

That is not to say that we shouldn’t ask WHY questions. Obviously if we want to get to someone’s purpose, or to their motivation, or rationale behind their thoughts or actions, WHY is what gets us that information. It is very important that this question is asked with an inquisitive or curious tone in the voice.

TIP: If I ask you “WHY did you do that?” and I put the emphasis on “WHY did you do that?” or “Why did YOU do that?” I can sound quite accusatory.

If I ask the question with an inquisitive tone, I can say exactly the same words, but the inflection can make it a welcomed question. Remember to use an inquiring tone when asking WHY questions, rather than an accusatory one.  

Points to Remember

? Listen astutely.

 ? Listen for the type of question that is being asked of you.

 ? Are they asking a question, or making a statement?

 ? Listen to both the words and the expression.

 ? Consider “WHY” you are asking before you ask.

 ? Are you being asked for an answer? Or is it a point of view that is being expressed? ? Ask more broad WH, Pre-framed and hypothetical.

 People will often ask questions but not actually require, or want a response. Often they do this to provoke your thoughts.

Finally, a very simple yet powerful technique when receiving questions is that if you start your response with either of the words “What” “How” or “The” you will never find yourself cornered or locked in. Starting responses with one of those three words allows you to open up the conversation and direct it to where you need it to go.

For more articles by Allan Parker, please visit my LinkedIn profile. May I invite you to send me an invitation to connect with you on LinkedIn, if you are not already part of my connections. May I also invite you to share this article with your LinkedIn connections if you found it useful. Negotiating skills are such an important life skill.