How to manage yourself as you manage other people's careers?

10 years ago this past spring I had an unplanned review with the VP of the US and the NE Manager of a company for which was I managing, training and developing managers. I had only been at the company two years but I'd been promoted and/or given a raise 6 times (and I'd brokered the same for anyone on the team who expressed a desire for more). It was the end of Q1 and as per usual I had surpassed their ridiculous expectations (mostly because I knew they wouldn't give me a raise without more work ??) and as I sat though the meeting I remember the VP telling me her 5 year plan for me. You see, she had plans to have me work in the European market with a new acquisition and I was going to work with one other person (who had been then like 10-15 yrs) to reinvigorate the market. I should have been excited (I did pretend to be to their faces) but my heart raced as I was flooded with memories of every thing I wanted to do and I resolved to myself "You gotta get out of here by the end of the summer". Seven years later that company went bankrupt and storefront retail chains were generally struggling even as we had that conversation so I couldn't tether the next 5 years of my life to a sinking ship.

During the next 6 months, I worked with the people on my team to (i) find out what they wanted for themselves, (ii) provide guidance and training for them to be promoted at the company, (iii) ask how I could help them achieve whatever goals they had and (iv) stabilize our well-oiled machine so that there wouldn't be a dip in sales/morale after I left. No, I didn't tell anyone I was leaving because I didn't want people to make decisions about their lives based on me or my choices. Over the next 6 months, about half of the staff left. Some were promoted. Others found opportunities that better aligned with their personal long term goals. And a select few were fired (i) because they would keep wasting their time if I kept them or the payroll instead of doing exactly what we all knew they were meant to do or (ii) because they were checked out and impacted other people's ability to do their jobs.

When I held the official titles that ended in Manager, I took it really seriously. I held myself to a ridiculous standard because I'd dealt with managers who were awful my entire life and I wanted to see what it was like to create a team of people who could be so in sync that everyone got what they wanted. And I found out at their going away party for me when it was clear I was leaving (imagine the Aubria Alumni coming back to put jewels in my crown, so cool). And at 28 (going on 29 years old), I held back tears as my protege Kat stood up. She had grown so much in the 18 months I'd known her. I cared about every individual at the table and worked to help them even if it meant they would have to leave. I helped them even if it meant they would no longer be able to support my teams. I was a different kind of manager, because I served them as they served me. I looked beyond the surface. As she spoke I remember the day she showed up for an interview. Her hair was unkempt, every wrinkle possible was present and accounted for on her interview outfit and she had no experience. We met for about 15 minutes, I added her to my yes pile and she left. When I told my assistant I was going to hire her, she said OMG why are you so crazy - she was a mess. And I remember saying, I could give her a makeover (thanks Calypso St. Barth) - I think she's going to be awesome. And I called her 15 minutes after she'd left to offer her the job. Listen anyone can manage a person who is ready-made, but if you can turn a non-experienced person into a highly trained, exceptional employee - you actually know what you're doing. I sat quietly as she said, "Don't you realize you're a catalyst". "You've propelled all of us forward while simultaneously forging ahead to your own goals". LOL, I'm definitely not bawling my eyes out while writing this down. A few weeks later I went on my first cross-country solo trip - it was fantastic.

A month later, I began teaching full time and my schedule changed from 6 days/week (yes I was off on Sundays even during retail life, rest is necessary) to 2-3 days/week. I went from working 60-70 hours each week to 20-25 hours (including prep and grading) and I was earning the same amount of money I was earning when I was "wukkin' out my latitude" (as my Aunt Denise used to say about my work habits in retail). I kept tabs on my previous team members, they had earned their college degrees or they'd transitioned into work where they could use the college degrees they'd already earned, they were married with one or two new babies, they were engaged, they were traveling overseas to teach English, they were doing their lives without being trapped by outside expectations.

I think this is how you manage yourself as you manage other people's careers, but it can only be done if you are coming from a place of abundance. You can't propel others forward if you believe there isn't enough to go around.