How to manage your worst tendencies

Cause sometimes you've got to live with your crazy alter ego

I know some people who are blessed (or cursed? :) with perfect balance, but I know more people, including myself, who have a tendency to exaggerate one way or another in certain situations. They get triggered by certain things, some of them get aggressive, others retreat and freeze, it depends.?

And sometimes I dial it to 11 too, and I don’t even mind it, I love that I’m capable of that, but I just want to do it deliberately. I don’t want to “lose control” and find myself pushing too far as an emotional reaction. I want to do it on purpose, when it matters, so I manage my tendencies to overreact.?

Example: I can’t stand long deliberations

I like a quick decision, I like action, it’s ok to plan a bit, it’s ok to talk a bit, especially if it’s practical talk, but when you get into a situation with a big group and everybody’s got their own opinion, and everybody’s got their own precious feelings you shouldn’t step on, and everything takes for ever, I can’t deal with that.?

I mean I caaan, if I really have to, but I don’t want to, and, if you put me in that situation, I’m susceptible to not handling it well. I’ll just leave, I’ll be too aggressive and just push for a decision a bit too hard, I may do something like that.?

Now, I don’t mind doing that if I decide to do that, but the point is that?my emotions might get the better of me and I might do it and then regret it.?

How do I prevent this??

And this is just an example of course, it could be anything, and you know what your demons are. But I will continue using this example throughout this newsletter.

3 tips, 3 things to do to manage your worst impulses.?

1: Stop Before it’s Hard to Stop

Danger:?I get deep into a situation that triggers my emotional reactions and I get too heated up and there more I’m in it, the harder it is to stop.

Solution:?Stop before I get to that point.

How??Identify in myself the early warning signs, things such as: I’m starting to get impatient, I’m starting to wonder what the time is, I’m beginning to get the urge to interrupt the debate, I lose the patience to listen etc. When I identify these things in myself, I need a plan B, something to do to calm me down. In my case, it’s as simple as drawing something on my notebook. Just doodles.?

So if I identify the early signs, I can stop before it becomes too difficult too stop.?

What are your early warning signs for the situations that trigger you??

2: Plan Before it’s Hard to Plan

If I plan well enough for it, I can deal with any situation.?

But if I go into a meeting expecting 3 people and a quick decision, and instead I find 7 people and an endless debate, it may be too late to plan, because planning would require me preparing some data or some presentation or something, and it’s too late for that, I’m already in it.?

And without a plan, I’m that much more likely to go back to the previous point, get even more annoyed and more likely to overreact.?

So the?solution?is to plan ahead of time, when you’re calm, before you’re in the stressful triggering situation, to come prepared.?

Let’s assume, as another example, that you like to speak out only when you have all your data checked and you’ve carefully prepared what you want to say. But the meetings in your team tend to be ad hoc, with no clear agenda, so there’s no way to prepare. Well, if you wait until you’re in the meeting, you’re always going to be one step behind. To get ahead of the problem, plan before you end up in that situation. Set the meeting yourself, or talk to the organizer ahead of time to set some time aside for you etc.?

Plan when it’s easy to plan, before it becomes hard to plan.?

3: A Pre-Learned Exit Procedure

And last but not least, when everything else fails, or you forgot to do the other things, and you find yourself in the triggering situation, getting more and more emotional, about to blow up, you need an emergency procedure to get out of it. Something simple, something you can do without thinking. An exit. Like ejecting from a fighter jet when everything else fails.

In my case it’s “I’ll get back to you”. When I sense that I’m about to give an answer or react to something emotionally, more emotionally than I’d like to, my emergency exit procedure is to not say anything definitive on the spot and just listen and “I’ll get back you”.?

Then I go away, relax, think about it, and PLAN my next steps.?

So, what are your triggering situations, what makes you react emotionally, do you know? And can you identify your early warning signs? Do you plan for them? Do you have an exit procedure?