How To Manage Your Emotions During a Difficult Conversation?

How To Manage Your Emotions During a Difficult Conversation?

As human beings, we’re wired to perceive disagreements as threats since they often stem from the notion of having to give up something or bring about a radical change. This leads to our nervous system going into overdrive, which results in us getting worked up emotionally during difficult conversations. Our body goes into “Fight or Flight” mode and cannot differentiate between actual life-threatening instances and not getting our way. So, we act on our survival instincts and enter our defence mechanism. Unfortunately, this is not the correct frame of mind for rational conversation or conflict resolution.?

Your heart rate shoots up, breathing becomes erratic, muscles tighten, and you may lose access to your prefrontal cortex, making you lose your ability to think clearly and make informed decisions. The adrenaline rush from such experiences itself is enough to derail the conversation. And since it takes two hands to clap, you’re probably not the only one going through a myriad of such emotions, and so is your colleague, making the entire situation extraordinarily chaotic and emotional.?

To have a productive and clear-headed conversation, you need to break this physical response, give yourself time to calm down and then continue. Here are a few things you can do to bring your excellent back during hard conversations: -?

1) Breathe

Our breathing pattern is much more powerful than we give it credit for. This simple yet mindful technique can work wonders when calming yourself down. Simply concentrating on breathing, the air in and out, can distract you from panic and all the signs of nervousness you’re facing. There are different variations to this technique, and you can stick to the one that seems to benefit you the most, be it counting your breaths till you feel better, or concentrating on air passage.?

2) Move

Sitting exceptionally still while having a difficult conversation makes your feelings build up, making it even harder to conduct a sensible conversation. It has been scientifically proven that moving helps activate the part of our brain that does all the thinking. Suppose walking during a conversation isn’t possible, as it might be construed as rude or insensitive. In that case, you can always resort to a more subtle movement known as anchoring which constitutes moving your fingers or placing your feet firmly on the ground. This act is highly efficient in stressful situations.

3) Chant a mantra

Often, repeating a phrase to yourself can help you calm down, sort your thoughts, and veer back to reality. It brings you back to the moment while reminding you of the true purpose behind a difficult conversation. It can be something as simple as “Calm down” or “This isn’t about you”, basically anything that resonates with you on a deeper, more profound level.?

4) Acknowledge your feelings

Instead of giving your thoughts and feelings attention and marinating in them, which ultimately leads to your mind being crowded, examine them. Put some distance between you and your emotions by labelling them so that you can recognise your thoughts and feelings for what they are instead of getting wrapped up in them and acting irrationally.

5) Take a break

The time you give yourself to process your emotions is inversely proportional to the intensity you’ll feel them. The more you analyse your feelings, the less intense they become in such situations. It’s an excellent idea to excuse yourself from the case, even if you do it momentarily. Use a neutral excuse to do so in a manner that doesn’t look like you’re running away from the conflict, such as “I’m going to get some coffee; can I get you something?”?

All these tips and tricks can work well in making you cool as a cucumber during a difficult conversation, but you have to consider your counterpart’s feelings and state of mind. Judge a room, compose yourself and then decide what direction you want the conversation to take without things getting ugly. Conflicts with coworkers can be taxing, but you should never forget the higher purpose of the discussion and try to preserve the positive relationship you have with them.?