How to Manage Difficult People
Owen Nwanebu
Helping Healthcare Leaders Overcome Burnout | Emotional Intelligence & Leadership Coach | Career Growth Strategist for Healthcare Professionals | Empowering Balanced Lives & Thriving Careers | Speaker
Have you ever met a difficult person? I certainly have and unfortunately, more than I would like to admit.?
What made me conclude they were difficult??
Well, it's a combination of things, really. They're often arrogant; they don't listen, they show no respect, keep doing what you have told them severally you don’t like, keep coming late to work even after being warned severally, complains almost about everything, argues about everything, very quarrelsome, no willingness to change and the list goes on and on.?
What was your experience with a difficult person??
It's frustrating and exhausting dealing with them, but sometimes we don't have a choice.?
We may have difficult people as parents, spouses, colleagues, bosses, or even friends.
Trying to force change on someone who does not want to change or even see the reason why they should behave differently is an uphill task.??
One of our clients, a nurse (Sarah), came to us for help on managing her boss, whom she described as very difficult to work with. ?
He was always rude, demanding and seemed to enjoy making everyone's life difficult.?
No matter how hard she tried, she could never seem to please him. He constantly criticised her work, even when it was done well.?
He would nitpick at everything, from the font she used to the spacing between words.?
It was exhausting for Sarah; hence she came to us for help.
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As much as she and her colleagues wanted to change her manager, they knew they couldn't.
So, Sarah decided to seek help to learn to manage him. Here's what worked for her:
To stay calm: It's easy to get frustrated and angry when dealing with difficult people, but that will only worsen the situation. Sarah learnt how to choose her response to her manager’s behaviour. She stayed calm and didn't let them get to her.
To be professional: She didn't let his behaviour affect hers. She was always professional, even if her manager was not.
To be non-violent in her communication: Sarah was unafraid to speak up for herself. She spoke her truth quietly, sincerely and appropriately. She boldly lets her manager know when he is being unreasonable or disrespectful.
To set boundaries: Sarah set boundaries and enforced the boundaries. She set boundaries and stuck to them. She kept her manager from constantly interrupting or expecting her to work outside her regular hours.
To never take it personally: Sarah understood that her manager’s behaviour was never a reflection of her. It's about her manager and his issues.
Dealing with difficult people is never easy, but it's important to remember that we can only control our behaviour, not theirs. So, stay calm, be professional, and set boundaries. With time, you can manage them and find a way to work together.