How to Manage Conflict: 10 Insights from an Intercultural Team Building Part One
Lee-Anne Ragan
I create truly innovative, customized training workshops to energize your team and help you work better together so you can get on with your important business of changing the world.
Welcome to another adventure in the world of team building.?
Recently, I had the pleasure of working with a team that spanned the globe, and let me tell you, it was a journey full of insights, laughs, and a bunch of aha moments.?
It also included some conflict, misunderstanding, and distrust between team members.
One of the biggest challenges with working with teams is to ‘get the learning to leave the room’ aka be applied, long after the team building has ended.
Especially for a team experiencing some conflict, the application of the learning is especially critical.
Here then are the first set of five key takeaways from our time together, meant to help the team and you apply the learning, especially when conflict is present.??
1. Intention vs. Reception
Ever throw a spitball and think it was hilarious, only to realize your "friend" didn't find it funny at all? My son did. He didn't intend to cause harm, but his friend didn't receive it as a joke.?
This can be a hard-won lesson (it certainly was for my hard-headed kid) - your intention doesn’t always match how your message, your words, your actions can be received.?
Whether it's a comment in a meeting or an email that sounds harsher than you meant, always consider how your actions and words might be perceived (vrs simply your intent).
Annnnnd (here’s the hard part) take some responsibility for how your comments are received.? “I didn’t mean to cause harm,” “I didn’t intend for it to sound that way,” “You’re being too sensitive” and other ways we avoid taking responsibility for reception aren’t excuses.
Pro tip: this can be especially true for diverse teams where what one person, one culture considers ‘normal’ communication, can come across as harsh and disrespectful to another.
?2. Control What You Can
Place two fingers under your nose. Can you see them? No, but they’re right there. The key is literally under your nose. Focus on what you can do, think, learn, grow, and develop.
Especially when we’re in conflict, we often try to control others, thinking, "I'm fine; you’re the one who needs to change."?
Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work.?
You can only control yourself.?
3. The Power of the Interrobang (?!)
Combine a question with an exclamation, and you get an interrobang.?
Think of it as your own personal team-building cue when conflict is raising her haughty head.?
Instead of approaching a team issue with 100% certainty, for example, come at the situation with intentional curiosity, a willingness to be surprised, and even delighted.
Pro tip: this attitude is also great for dealing with change, a common cause and cousin of conflict.
?"Really?!" or "Tell me more?!" or “Help me understand….”
Embrace this little punctuation mark to navigate team twists and turns with conflict, and flair and flexibility will be your friend.
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4. Intention: Defend or Understand?
Enter a conflict.
When someone challenges you, does your amygdala flare up, ready to defend yourself through fight, freeze, or flee??
Instead of being on auto-defend mode (“It wasn’t me,” “It’s not my fault,” “I have no part in this”) try to shift to an attitude of understanding and kindness.?
This shift from defense to understanding can transform conflicted interactions and build stronger, more empathetic relationships, which only results in stronger teams.
5. Embrace Faith Traditions
Hang onto your hat. I know this is a wildly sensitive topic.
On our way to the workshop venue one day, we were all traveling on the same bus.
Cue the Christian gospel music playing, with the radio announcer declaring, "Jesus is our savior, and anyone else who says differently is lying."
We were a very global team, with many faiths (including but not limited to Christianity) present.
This reminded me that many of us hold strong faith traditions.?
Especially when conflict is present, let’s use our beliefs to seek understanding and kindness rather than division,? judgment, and harshness.
In summary, for this, part one, I adore working with teams who are change makers.? It’s always intriguing and interesting.??
No two teams are ever alike.
This time was no different. My time with the team was a fabulous experience, full of lessons on perception, control, and understanding.?
From the importance of Intention vs. Reception, and Control What You Can, to The Power of the Interrobang (?!), Intention: Defend or Understand?, and Embracing Faith Traditions, I’m sharing these takeaways for any team that has some conflict going on.?
Stay tuned for part two, where I’ll talk about Seeing People Fully, The Danger of a Single Story, Practicing Grace, Dignity and Respect, and? Curiosity.
Together, these ten takeaways make conflict easier to manage and less threatening, which makes working together more collaborative, fruitful, and fulfilling.
Now go on and learn, laugh, and lead
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