How to let go of the old and make space for the new

Chances are that if you are struggling with making room for the new things in your life, it is because you are desperately holding on the people/relationships that no longer serve you. Walking into the unknown may sound like a scary endeavor, and yet, it is the one thing that liberates you. You make room for new experiences, new relations in your life by learning to let go, by aligning yourself with your inner core and facing your shadow and fears. I write about it in my book, Overcoming Fear and Failure - A guide for Women who Overthink.

Today's article is about how to let go of things that no longer serve you, and create space for the new and fresh energy in your life.

Meet Krista Mollion, founder of SASSY Method? (Seriously Authentic, Smart, Self-Confident You) is for anyone who wants to get past their fears and people pleasing habits to unleash their superpowers and be their true selves. She spent nearly two decades in Tech, before launching her digital agency specializing in VR, which quickly rose to a top boutique agency for A-list companies like Apple, HP, Samsung, and Google and ran it for 12 years. In 2016 she felt burned out and decided to take some time off, and in 2017, sold her shares and left permanently. Her true passions are writing, teaching, inspiring, and mentoring others how to live their best lives and succeed in their careers and relationships.

Question: What you would say to someone who wants to make room in their life for new things, new experiences, but holding on to current things? What can you tell them about letting go?

Krista: You can’t let go without a strategy and a plan. Letting go is not something you do with a snap of your fingers. It starts with a decision to let go. It’s a process that requires some support in place before you do it.

The first thing you need is to decide to let go. A lot of people will hold on to pain and suffering than to go into the unknown. Ultimately, what’s behind that - is fear. We are afraid of what we will find in the unknown. We get so used to the pain and suffering that we become immune to it because we have never known true happiness, healthy boundaries, and true success. And therefore, even though we desire to change – we first have to overcome the fear of making that journey.

Question: How was it like for you, when you decided to sell your stake in a company you build and start your new business (SASSY Method) from scratch?

Krista: The first half of my life was focused on external achievement and validation, and it has to do with American culture, that is very success driven. I lived by external measures, and I was so focused on achieving the things that I thought I needed, that I lost sight of what it meant to be happy.

And so, one day, I found myself sitting on a beach. It was a new year’s day and in front of me, was this beautiful white sand and beautiful ocean. My children were playing, my husband was with his friends, and I was lounging around the beach, and somehow, I overcame with sadness; almost like panic and I felt as if I wanted to run away from the beach.

That was the first day that I realized something was wrong with my life. After that day, I thought I probably had depression, or a breakdown or a midlife crisis because no normal person would be unhappy when outwardly I had everything I want – in my work and private life.

That began the journey that took me several years to understand what was behind that unhappiness. My journey was going from measuring my life by outward standards to accepting who I am on the inside and giving myself permission to be who I truly am and pursue the things that I genuinely want to pursue.

Question: What advice would you give to someone who is planning to make a transition and starting a new adventure?

Krista: The transition is painful. It's like ripping off a band-aid, ripping off scar tissue. To become who you truly are, you have to shed those layers. There is no beautiful way about it. It's painful, it’s a process, and it isn’t easy because you have to face the ghosts of your past, you have to face the ugly truth about yourself.

What happens along the way is that you change, you transform like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. And when you transform, the people around you may not like it so you end up shedding some people as well because as you change, they can no longer relate to it.

But if you don’t make this change, the alternative for you is never to be truly happy. So you have a sense of happiness based on other people’s desires and wishes. And then when you are old, you will look back and wonder, my life was just mediocre, I didn’t take risks, I didn’t try new things, and you will be filled with regret. That’s the trade-off, and you have to decide if it's worth it.

Question: What was your #1 fear as you were making the transition from the corporate world to starting a business?

Krista: The biggest fear, I think, in letting go of your old habits or your old lifestyle, or even people is losing your identity. We attach so much importance to external things, and they make so much of who we are. Every day we walk through life, we are like actors in a play. There are these scripts that we follow, and the scripts can be – the Good Wife, the Good Daughter, The Good mother, the hard worker, the good student, and so on.

We play all these scripts and all of a sudden we realize that we are unhappy, and we need to make changes. And we are so afraid because it goes to the very core of our identity. We wonder to ourselves – how can I make a change and be a good daughter, or the good mom, or the good worker.

There is a period that you can’t because you are going through the transition and you are challenging your values; you are challenging the people around you. And that’s the hardest part – feeling like major identity shift.

Question: What advice would you give to people who are afraid of the journey of making room for new in their life ?

Krista: To make this shift, you have to find the courage to be yourself. If you are afraid to let go of things that no longer serve you, then you have insecurities, and you are not aligned with who you truly are.

If you are aligned with who you truly are, you will NOT compare yourself with anyone else. You will recognize that your life journey is unique and it's 100% your own. It's not your husbands, it's not your friends, it's not your parents or family. It only belongs to you.

Look inside yourself and Trust yourself. Be your own best friend. Be your own guidance. Take the time to do the inner reflection.

In the SASSY method, I teach people to self-coach. Because everything starts with going deep inside yourself. The basic human nature is to be loved and be accepted. That’s the only thing we truly desire. When we grow up, instead of aligning ourselves with our true selves, our true selves – we go people pleasing because we are so afraid to be rejected by others. And thus, part of that is overcoming this feeling and really affirming – I accept myself, I am enough, and I love myself and really meaning it. Not in an ego sense; but in a pure loving self. Once you get past that, you won’t be afraid to take the journey, even though the journey is painful. You also have to make space to learn about yourself and your values.

Question: What daily practice/rituals can you suggest to our readers so that they stay connected and aligned with their inner self?

Krista: In the SASSY method, I teach various tools. The first thing is you start by making time for yourself as a daily ritual if you are a morning person, you could take a few moments at sunrise and do some meditation or yoga or breathing. If it's in the evening, you can take a walk by yourself. Make sure that you don’t lose touch with that time because that time is only for you and your thoughts.

The second thing I would suggest is a gratitude ritual. Like I have a gratitude prayer that I say, and it reminds, especially in moments when I am frustrated or challenged, all the things that I am grateful for.

And the third thing is journaling. The goal of journaling is self-awareness. You get clarity on how you show up in the world. If you are aware of what’ going on, then you can help yourself.

In closing, here's a quick exercise to help with get unstuck in your life:

Celebrate the small daily wins.

Sometimes you have an uphill journey, and the goal you want to achieve may seem so far away, that some days it can feel challenging to keep moving. And that’s why it is so important to write, to acknowledge, and celebrate the small wins every single day.

You can connect with the fabulous Krista Mollion on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, Itunes, and YouTube.

You can order Kiran's book on Amazon.