How to Make People Like You: A Guide to Building Authentic Connections

In today's professional landscape, being likeable isn't just a nice-to-have—it’s an essential skill that can open doors, create opportunities, and drive success in both your personal and professional life. Whether you’re walking into a job interview, leading a team meeting, or simply engaging in a casual networking event, the ability to make others feel comfortable and valued can make all the difference. But what exactly makes someone likeable, and how can you build this trait?

The good news is that likability isn’t an inherent trait that only a lucky few possess. It’s a skill that can be developed through intentional practices and a genuine approach to interacting with others. In this article, we’ll explore some key strategies to help you build authentic connections and become someone people naturally want to be around.

1. Shift Your Mindset: It’s Not About Impressing Others

One of the biggest misconceptions about likability is the belief that you need to impress others to be liked. This mindset often leads to anxiety and forced interactions, where the focus is on proving yourself rather than connecting with others. The truth is, people are more drawn to those who show a genuine interest in them.

Instead of seeing every social interaction as a test you need to pass, try reframing it as an opportunity to learn about the other person. Ask questions, listen actively, and engage with what they’re saying. This not only takes the pressure off you but also makes the interaction more enjoyable and authentic for both parties. People appreciate when they feel heard and understood, which naturally increases your likability.

2. Embrace the 85% Rule: Be Relaxed, Not Perfect

The "85% rule" is a concept often used in athletics, where athletes are advised to perform at 85% of their maximum effort rather than giving 100%. This approach allows them to stay relaxed and in control, leading to better overall performance. The same principle can be applied to social interactions.

When you try too hard to be perfect, you often come across as tense and inauthentic. People can sense when someone is putting on a front, which can make them uncomfortable. Instead, aim to be 85% of your best self—relaxed, comfortable, and genuine. This approach allows your natural charisma to shine through, making you more approachable and likeable.

3. Be Authentic: The Power of Vulnerability

In a world that often values perfection, it can be tempting to hide your flaws and present a polished image at all times. However, research has shown that people are more likely to connect with those who are open about their imperfections. This concept, known as the "Pratfall Effect," suggests that showing a bit of vulnerability can actually make you more relatable and trustworthy.

For instance, if you’re feeling nervous about a presentation or meeting, don’t be afraid to acknowledge it. This doesn’t make you appear weak; rather, it shows that you’re human. People are more likely to support and connect with you when they see that you’re being genuine. In leadership, being open about your challenges can encourage others to share their own, leading to a more collaborative and supportive environment.

4. Enjoy the Moment: Charisma Is Contagious

Charisma isn’t about being happy all the time—it’s about genuinely enjoying the moment and sharing that positivity with others. Whether you’re leading a meeting, presenting an idea, or simply chatting with a colleague, your enthusiasm can be infectious. When you’re fully engaged and enjoying what you’re doing, others will feel more comfortable and relaxed in your presence.

For example, imagine you’re presenting a new project to your team. Instead of focusing solely on the pressure to deliver, try to find joy in the process. Approach the presentation with a sense of playfulness and excitement. Not only will this make the experience more enjoyable for you, but it will also create a positive atmosphere that encourages others to engage and contribute.

5. Use Storytelling to Build Connections

Storytelling is a powerful tool for building connections with others. When you share personal stories, especially those that highlight your experiences and challenges, you create a sense of empathy and understanding with your audience. People are naturally drawn to stories because they are relatable and memorable.

To make your stories more engaging, start with a surprising or intriguing statement that captures the listener’s attention. For example, you might begin with, "I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, but..." This kind of opening piques curiosity and encourages people to listen. Additionally, highlight why the situation was significant to you, adding depth to your story and making it more impactful.

6. Give Specific Compliments

Compliments are a simple yet effective way to make others feel valued and appreciated. However, generic compliments can sometimes come across as insincere. To make your compliments more meaningful, be specific and highlight something that truly stands out.

For example, instead of saying "Great job," you could say, "I really admire how you handled that project—your attention to detail made a massive difference." This kind of compliment shows that you’ve taken the time to notice and appreciate the other person’s efforts, making it more likely to resonate with them.

7. Admit Your Flaws: It’s Okay to Be Imperfect

In a society that often prioritises perfection, admitting your flaws can be a powerful way to connect with others. People appreciate honesty and humility, and acknowledging your imperfections can make you more relatable.

For example, if you’re not the strongest in a particular area, don’t be afraid to admit it. People respect those who are honest about their limitations and are more likely to connect with you on a deeper level. In fact, a study highlighted in the transcript demonstrated that people rated a person as more likeable when they made a small mistake during a demonstration. This study underscores the idea that people connect more with those who are human and relatable, rather than those who seem perfect.

8. Build Emotional Connections Through Vulnerability

Being open about your emotions can build deeper connections with others. When you share your feelings, it gives others permission to do the same. This kind of authenticity is a powerful aspect of charisma and likability.

For instance, if you’re feeling nervous about something, it’s okay to admit it. This shows others that you’re human, and it often makes them more supportive of you. People respect honesty, and when you share your feelings, you create a safe space for others to share theirs as well.

9. Be Real: The Impact of Authenticity

Charisma isn’t about being a perpetual optimist; it’s about being real. This means acknowledging your feelings of uncertainty or sharing your vulnerabilities. When you’re authentic, people are more likely to trust you and feel connected to you.

In leadership, being real also means owning your flaws. Many people go to great lengths to appear perfect, but this often backfires. People are more likely to connect with you when you’re honest about your shortcomings.

For example, sharing stories about times when you weren’t perfect or when things didn’t go as planned can make you more engaging. This shows that you’re confident enough to laugh at yourself and learn from your experiences. This kind of self-awareness is a key part of being charming and charismatic.

Conclusion

In summary, becoming more likeable isn’t about trying to impress others or striving for perfection. It’s about being authentic, enjoying the moment, and building genuine connections with others. By shifting your mindset, embracing your flaws, and focusing on others, you can develop the charisma and likability that will help you succeed in both your personal and professional life.

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For businesses looking to enhance their team's communication skills, or for event organisers seeking an engaging and insightful speaker, Anthony can help. As a keynote speaker, behaviour expert, and coach dedicated to developing confident, charismatic, high-impact leaders, Anthony can help improve your team’s performance and cohesion. Get in touch to learn more!