How to Make the Most Out of Life’s Inevitable Adversities

One of the greatest aspects of the human spirit is our ability to imagine a great future. When we take a new job, fall in love with a new partner, move to a new town, or start a new project, we often feel energized and excited by the prospect of this perfect adventure in front of us.

The reality is: it never ever works out that way.? Shit happens. To everyone.

It doesn’t matter who you are—your gender, race, age, sexual identity or economic status. There is no being part of the human race without experiencing adversity. But it is how we work with our disappointments and disasters, rather than attempting to avoid them, that determines our ultimate capacity to face hardship and seize opportunities.

Today’s social media landscape is loaded with creators and influencers screaming a false narrative: That anything hard should be avoided, and that working your ass off to stick with really tough situations is an act of toxic hustle culture—not the journey of someone who’s willing to use the tough times to strengthen themselves. A different approach, to quote the great Tina Turner, a devout buddhist, is to embrace the worst parts of our life experience so that we can learn “to turn poison into medicine.”

The reality is that shit happens in cycles throughout a day, a week, a year and a lifetime. The person who looks like they have it all today, gracing the covers of magazines or cashing in on their big IPO exit, is the same person who’s gonna get smacked in the face in a different part of their life when they least expect it. Most likely, though, they won’t post that all over social media.

There’s no being human without some shit?happening sometime. If it hasn’t happened yet, get ready… it’s coming.

Is that a bummer? Sure. But it’s not just a bummer. In fact, I’m here to tell you—it’s? okay. If it’s happening to you now, it won’t last forever. But as important as getting through the down times is?what you can learn while you’re down there. The spin-outs and stumbles and headlong?dives off the cliff offer some of the most valuable training in the world.

That’s why I’m so? proud to feature my disasters on my public LinkedIn page:

“Promoted to lead Marketing for?Virgin Megastores, I was fired after one year for being too cocky, unwilling to ask for help,?out of my depth, and ineffective.”

Next, this account of my time with Atari Interactive:?

“Joined the company overlooking the fact that I have zero understanding of video games.?Couldn't grasp the product, the consumer, or the business. Ended up getting side-lined to? run ‘non-core projects,’ then laid off.”?

I call it my anti-resume, my catalog of missteps, humiliations, bouts of bad luck, and? plenty of epic fails. I’m proud of it all,? because I’ve learned that you don’t get to breakthroughs without setbacks along the way.?

It's a very human instinct to want to go through life riding the waves of good times,?and it's easy to imagine from the perfectly curated instagram pages we see every day that?this is what we should all aspire to.

But here are three reasons we should embrace and work to learn from the adversity of life:??

1. Hiding from adversity by playing it safe actually?doesn’t work.

Adversity still finds you. Even if you hit great success in your 20s and 30s—you can’t be the founder whose business is always in high growth mode, or the actress who always picks the right script or the athlete who never gets injured. When you least expect it—you’re gonna get hit by something you didn’t see coming. It’s part of being human. ?So even if you believe it will make you more comfortable playing it safe. The truth is, nothing is actually safe. You may get hit by the unexpected anyway, so you may as well make some bold moves to see if you can push yourself to a higher level by growing through a new experience.?What's the worst that can happen? It goes horribly wrong, AND you take massive learnings toward your next experience.

2. Without experiencing adversity we don't really know what we are truly capable of.

Think about the adversities that you have? come through in your own life. They form the reservoir of great courage that you tap into?when times get tough because you know you've recovered before. As painful as shitty situations are when you’re in them, they do make for a lifetime of great memories and reminders of your ability to survive, and quite? often thrive.? And lets be real, by far the most entertaining dinner conversations that you have later in life are the ones about the mistakes and missteps that might have been embarrassing in the moment.

3. If you only share your achievements with the world, you'll end up with imposter syndrome.

We've all heard of imposter syndrome, that feeling that you're not quite qualified or ready for the role or assignment that you find yourself in. I've lost count of the number of mentoring conversations I have had with young executives asking me how to overcome imposter syndrome. And in my view, it starts with openly talking about your mistakes and failures and "owning them" in front of others because when you get them out in the open, on your own terms it's actually incredibly empowering.

I have interviewed for several jobs in my career, with the interviewer already having googled me and read my laundry list of missteps. In every case, it's led to me feeling so much more confident, and less of an imposter, because I don't feel like I'm trying to hide anything. I'm able to say, "here's the things that I know I'll be awesome at, and here's the things where I know I'll need a lot of support from others in my team." What a better way to enter into a new working relationship than the opposite, where you left out the areas of weakness and led to yourself feeling fearful every day that you're going to get "found out" — the definition of imposter syndrome!

So as you think about how frustrating it feels that everyone else around you on Instagram and LinkedIN appears to be "crushing it" when you're not, maybe the first step is to join me in talking more honestly online about your achievements and learnings. What's the point in enduring a defeat or struggling to overcome a setback and then pretending to the world and even to yourself that it never?happened?

My approach says we do best when we admit shit happens. Adversity can be the? best all-around trainer you will ever find, so when it knocks on your door, take a big deep? breath, fasten your seatbelt and make the choice to learn to work with it.

No matter how?high we’re flying or how low we’ve sunk, accept its training, and then, like top athletes in?any sport, get back into position informed by that experience to be ready for whatever comes next.

The disasters never last—and neither do the triumphs. Having it all is only ever? temporary. You need to understand when you’re on the bottom: shit happens. What you?need to understand at the top: shit still happens. Those supposedly opposite events that we imagine will separate the winners from the losers have far more in common than people?tend to admit.

Win or lose, we have choices about what what we have the courage to learn,?and how we train for the next time. Adversity should not be a shame to be hidden, but an?opportunity to seize, a chance to unlock your future capacity, success, and fulfillment.?If we?train for these moments, they can make us better, happier, and more fulfilled in the long?run.

Follow Sarah Robb O'Hagan on LinkedIn for thoughts on #resilience, #leadership, and the #futureofwork .