How to Not Make a Mess When Talking Money
Krystle McGilvery FRSA, ACMA CGMA, MSc., MiP
?Increasing Value, Wealth & Confidence in Business & Work | Multi-Award-Winning Speaker, Coach & Trainer | Behavioural Expert | Championing Intersectional Equity & Inclusion
During November we celebrate Money Talk Week! WooHoo!
The week was created to help increase your sense of financial wellbeing, by encouraging you to be open about personal finance. Many have struggled financially in recent times, but in the same way that you can take steps to improve your health, you can take steps to improve your wealth. This article looks at some of the common financial avoidant behaviours and provides strategies for starting the money conversation so you don't make a mess!
It is important to encourage conversations as it reduces isolation, reduces shame, and provides support.
Avoiding Money
Avoidant behaviour is a well-explored area, and often the behaviour that is witnessed when it comes to managing one's finances. When we avoid we are attempting to reduce a threat, anxiety, or danger. Matthew McKay, PhD, details five types including the following two that are relevant to finance:
The subject of money can be scary and uncomfortable. Many people experience financial struggle - partners lose their jobs and become dependent on the other, increased cost of living makes household expenses hard to maintain, and an expensive divorce can make maintaining previous expenses difficult - along with many other difficult situations.
Financial challenges can also include cognitive and psychological barriers that make maintaining a healthy financial life more difficult. We know that some with Dyslexia, ADHD, and Dyscalculia may struggle to understand financial concepts or make the best financial choices - often limited by the restricted financial systems, technology, and structures that exist.
Often, the financial struggle is experienced in isolation, making the experience that much more difficult. Talking about money is the answer. It is important to encourage conversations as it reduces isolation, reduces shame, and provides support. Speaking about money creates a platform for people to connect on shared challenges and for each other to learn. Research finds that talking about money in the family home "has significant positive impacts on financial literacy, financial behaviour, and financial well-being".
Money & Pension Service states that research shows that people who talk about money:
How to Have the Money Conversation
Below are guidelines to help begin conversations about money. These can be shared with colleagues, friends, and family.
Starting the Conversation
Before you start the conversation, take a moment to ensure it is the right time to have the conversation. Consider whether you are in the right place. Do you have privacy? If you are not, do not force the issue, wait, and find a time that is better suited.
Dealing with Nervousness
If you are nervous about the pending conversation, practice saying what you would like to say aloud and think through some of the possible answers that may come back. Preparing for the talk will help you feel less nervous as you would have thought through potential outcomes and be ready to deal with the possibilities.
Make the Topic Relatable
You may have an idea that the conversation will be difficult to get started, this may be the case if you have never had such a talk with this person before or in the past, they put up resistance.
If you need to ease them into the conversation, try using relatable things such as a TV program or recent film. Try to create a comfortable environment and ensure you are feeling as comfortable and relaxed yourself beforehand. If you do feel you need to be more direct, make sure to ask their permission to have the conversation first. You do not want to assume they are ready just because you are.
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Give Them Time and Control Their Emotions
When approaching a difficult money matter that involves them, ensure to allow time and space for them to speak. You may be feeling frustration or resentment at what has been happening, but remember you are bringing them on a journey. They may have no idea about the struggles you are facing, so allow them the freedom to get there delicately.
Talking to a Partner
Spend time talking with your partner to see whether they hold the same views and feelings about money as you do.
You may be like many other couples who also find talking about money to be challenging. This is very normal as you both come to have completely different attitudes to money, different backgrounds, and different psychological and cognitive needs. One of you may be very strict about saving, whereas the other may feel that money is to be spent. This can create major clashes in the home if not identified and dealt with.
It is important to discuss finances with your partner as soon as possible if their finances are becoming entwined with yours. It may also be good to start light conversations before this even happens.
Spend time talking with your partner to see whether they hold the same views and feelings about money as you do. Take note of each other’s personal goals and how they see themselves using their money. Committing to regularly having conversations about money and working towards building joint goals will see you have more harmony around financial decision-making.
Remember!
??Don't forget, this Friday 11th November at 2 pm (and for the next 3 weeks), I will be joined by guests to discuss ADHD and finance/ We have some awesome ADHD/neurodivergent experts and advocates, finance professionals, and coaches ready to talk about ADHD and finance. Join us!
This week we're talking about ADHD and financial confidence, join Kim To , Martha Lawton , Gosia Syta , Sherri Dockree CPC ANC CCT and Laura Mathias , and I, for the first of three!
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The Reason Why (I created this newsletter)
I've always been an excessively enthusiastic money girl, supporting, encouraging, and making 'money talk' normal. I'm now, basically doing it on a larger scale, but with 15 years of expertise behind me!
It was over ten years ago that I began supporting people with their personal and business finances and spotted a pattern - simply telling people what to do, does not mean they will - even if they came to you for support.
This newsletter, along with other work I am engaged with is built upon a mission to highlight the influence our emotions have on our financial decisions. My vision is for these conversations to encourage you to consider the psychological, environmental, and social factors in our financial decision-making. I call for you to include these considerations in your work and in your daily lives!
If you enjoyed this article, please leave a comment, and go subscribe! - It'll be great to have you!
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I'm Krystle McGilvery, a behavioural finance specialist, Chartered Accountant, and CBT Coach. My work includes financial literacy, decision-making, and confidence. Visit?Mind Over Money?to find out more about my work with organisations. Or learn more about me?here.