How to Make Friends in Italy: Molise

It was a national holiday that day, and most Italians were joyfully communing with their families at home, while Poor Dave was traveling alone. Alas, Poor Dave, sad and lonely.

After a 2 hour train ride east from Rome, I was cheered to arrive in the lovely town of Campobasso, Molise. And I was further cheered by the fairly fabulous room I found at the Hotel San Giorgio:

But, still being a sad-and-lonely guy, I noted that my spacious balcony could accommodate about 57, but I had no one to play with on that fateful day.

Oh, but my friends, you know I love a happy ending, and my Walt Disney dreams were about to come true. As I walked down an empty, shuttered main street, I chanced upon this motley pair, seated in a nondescript doorway:

"Fellow humans," I began, "where might a humble man find a tiny plate of pasta for lunch on this holiday day of vacation when it seems all have vacated?" They looked at me with both surprise and delight, and asked how an American might have found his way to Campobasso.

It was at this moment that my entire life changed forever. A jolly, burly Italian who looked like he might have played football for the Dallas Cowboys stuck his head out the door and into my face. In a booming, friendly voice he said in perfect English: "Welcome to my bar! Please come in!"

And I did.

Giuseppe has been a bartender literally around the world, including Moscow, New York, Singapore, and also a Tokyo bar I knew well back when I lived in Japan. But he returned to his hometown to build a beautiful American 1930's "speakeasy," and when he motioned me through a secret door in the back of a nondescript closet, I went down the rabbit hole and fell into this beautiful room of joy:

Just like Alice in Wonderland, I knew I had found the bar I always dreamed of. Giuseppe didn't look as good as the Queen of Hearts, but he immediately set to work mixing me a fabulous martini, so I soon forgave him his appearance.

Suddenly, as about six of his friends in the bar walked over to chat, Sad-And-Lonely Dave felt his loneliness ebbing. I was still ravenously hungry, but even my starvation was no challenge for Super Giuseppe. It so happened that his whole crew of eight was on their way to the one restaurant that was open during the holiday.

And, my friends, what a restaurant it was indeed. Da Mario is a luscious land of local lunch love...

...where we sat down to break bread together and commune in brotherly and sisterly love.

This lunch love featured many local dishes unique to Molise. Molise is the second-smallest region in Italy, but it packs a culinary, cultural wallop. Take for example the white lasagna below, chock full o' mushrooms:

Alas, friends, you often tell me you want to change your life. But are you truly willing? If so, then you must try the grilled mozzarella cheese with Molise's own special sausage recipe, handed down from someone's grandma or perhaps the late Middle Ages (not sure which):

No joke, following a leisurely lunch of over two hours, we retired to the outdoor patio of Giuseppe's bar and viciously attacked a bottle of local liquor. Alas, the bottle did not survive the onslaught. R.I.P.

Well, my friends, how would you expect a perfect day to continue? Of course! Giuseppe discovered I used to sing a cappella jazz from the 1930's, so what else could he and his friend do except pull out their brass and accompany me in some of the traditional jazz standards? I know, I know, you already saw that coming, right?

Well, the afternoon flowed into the evening, and I awoke the next morning to discover it all had not been a dream, and my aching head confirmed this.

Fortunately, I took comfort on the lovely patio of my Hotel San Giorgio, where I was served a fantastic breakfast by the King of Fantastic Service! Let's meet our next contestant on, "The Price is Right!"

Yes, friends, you may have already guessed that The King of Service and grand prize winner of Waiter Heroism was none other than Rafaelle, a meritorious yet humble citizen of our beloved Campobasso:

Question: have you ever felt intimidated and overwhelmed when you wake up in the morning in a European hotel, and you are still sleepy as you are confronted by 8,263 options for your breakfast pleasure? Indeed, that was I. But indeed, Rafaelle was there to guide me through this intricate maze, and though I felt an acute inferiority complex in not knowing how to choose with Italian style, Rafaelle graciously lent me his Italian style and discreetly guided me to choices that made this American feel chic and almost Italian.

The next treat of the day was meeting Dorothy, the manager of the San Giorgio. Once we discovered we were both friendly, edgy folks who have traveled many countries, what else could we do but...spend the day touring fabulous local sites? (By the way, I know you're wondering how to say, "edgy" in Italian. Your wait is over: "spigoloso." Do I take care of you, or what? That's loyalty...)

Italy is dotted with beautiful, historic Roman ruins. It seems those darn Romans ruined a lot of things, but the charm of this Roman ruin, known as Sepino, was still burning brightly.

We also enjoyed the joy of the Carpinone Waterfall, which you may enjoy below:

But the highlight of the day was when we stopped in a tiny village at a tiny cafe, the exotic panorama of which you see below.

This bar featured local citizens earnestly playing the local traditional card game of "Tresette." The loser has to buy a round of drinks, so you can clearly see their brows furrowed in earnest concentration.

My new and fabulous friend Dorothy bid me farewell in the town of Bojano as I alighted from her Fiat 500 into the waiting arms of my friend Stefano Priolo, aka the King of Panettone. Friends, I know you would not expect your humble writer Dave to be hob-knobbing with celebrities, yet I am not joking when I tell you that Stefano has won multiple world championships for his rendering of this much-coveted and fabulous fruitcake.

After Stefano took the evening off from his paparazzi and introduced me to his girlfriend Camila, what else could we do but...well, eat fabulous Italian food at a restaurant called Exist?

Having fulfilled all my social dreams of fraternizing with friendly local Italians, I next set out to drink deeply from the Molise countryside in the fine mountain station of Campitello:

If you think the above mountain view in Campitello is fine, just wait until you enjoy the exact same view from your room in the lovely Miletto Hotel and Spa. Oh, the joy!

As you can see below, this Hotel and Spa proudly lives up to its name by providing the spa pictured below. All kinds of warm water, nozzles and jets here, folks! With a special bonus sauna and steam room and many kinds of massage known to these Italian artists of muscle kneading.

Ah, this life of leisure certainly works up an appetite. So my host Carlo (aka "Carlissimo!") graciously allowed me to photograph his bustling kitchen as two chefs prepared some culinary joy for me to consume. I noted with interest that most Italian kitchens have one chef who prepares the Primi, or first course (see red hat), and a chef for the Secondi, or second course (see white hat with green vegetables). These two hard-working citizens whipped up a whale of a feed for me, which I greedily consumed with...

...my illustrious host Carlissimo! and the already-well-known (and edgy) Dorothy.

Friends, I am sure I am the Neil Armstrong of Molise, having discovered a new and unspoiled region of Italy. I find the people of Molise to be friendly and with no pretensions. They find Americans just as exotic as we find them to be, which means you will have a ton of local adventures and drink wine with your fabulous new local friends.

So of course, this left me with little choice but to take to the airwaves, and broadcast my passion for Molise in a stunning video interview that will stun you. Here is an exciting behind-the-scenes shot by one of the local paparazzi of the local filming of Dave Rave about Molise:

And for those of you who believe Dave has not the intellectual horsepower to actually learn a second language, may I present you with my interview in Italian? Please do not post comments about my grammar mistakes. Your humble writer is a delicate, fragile lad indeed.

All my love from Italy,

Dave-issimo