How to make this festive season less pain- & stressful

I don’t know about you, but it appears to me that many of us seem to have forgotten what the festive season truly is about: Love, connection, (chosen) family, joy, gratitude, forgiveness, compassion, and authentic celebration.

And - just as a reminder - my goal with this article is not to blame, shame or judge. Instead, I intend to create awareness how we sometimes create unnecessary suffering in our lives; and what we can do to experience more bliss, peace, and alignment.

To make this process more tangible, edutaining and powerful, I decided to gift you with an exercise, which can change “the whole Christmas game” for you. Ready? Let’s go!

Step 1: My ideal festive season

Get yourself a piece of paper, a pen and give yourself permission to write down how your ideal festive season would look, sound, smell, taste and feel like. Allow yourself to be “unrealistic”, playful, and childlike. No limitations. Fantasy dream land is yours.

This is how it could express itself:

“During the festive season I choose to slow down and be more mindful. I give my very best to listen to my body’s and soul’s needs, to express my boundaries with grace, to support those who appreciate my help and are willing to change. Whenever somebody or something tries to pull me back into patterns, which don’t serve me anymore, I say “no, thank you”. I choose to put my emotional, mental, and physical health first, knowing that when my inner love and peace tanks are full, I’ll be able to effortlessly pour it into others. I experience more ease, connection, and flow every day. It tastes delightful. It smells like freedom. It feels like paradise on earth.”

Step 2: The sucky status quo

Up next: A “status quo inventory”. Write down everything that annoys or stresses you pre, during and after Christmas. You don’t have to show this list to anybody. There’s no need to turn it into a LinkedIn live or publish it on Insta . It’s “just” for you.

Not feeling good about this? Then let me guide you through this exercise. Once you’ve seen the power of it, it might be easier for you.

Things, which used to annoy or stress me pre, during or after the festive season amongst others were the:

• presents game -> every year the same “drama”: getting gifts for people. Gifts they’ll most probably neither need nor like. This doesn’t make sense!
• same old story game -> Listening to xyz’s same “poor-me” stories. Again. She’s stuck in the past, unwilling to move on and spreads negativity. Ewww...
• food (waste) game -> first we’ll stand in the kitchen for days, then we’ll eat way too much and feel bad, followed by having to eat the same stuff for days, freeze it or maybe even throw it away. Why?!

Again, these are just examples. You could have totally different ones.

Step 3: My mind’s limiting stories

Now, let’s get clear on the disempowering beliefs and/or stories, which used to keep me stuck in a low vibrational situation the:

• presents game -> “Who am I to question this? Maybe I’ll upset them? Or they’ll think I’m crazy!”
• same old story game -> “I’m so blessed to be a positive being. I shouldn’t complain about this. This shall pass, too.”
• food (waste) game -> “I don’t want to disappoint them. I know it’s their way of showing love. So, again, I better don’t say anything and suck it up.”

Step 4: The reality-check

Interesting how many people-pleaser infused assumptions and beliefs I’ve written down, isn’t it? Yes, a part of me thought that they were real, unchangeable, and true. And another part of me thought:

• Is that a mature, sovereign way to think and act?
• Was this really true?
• Could there be another way of looking at it?

You're right. None of my disempowering beliefs and/or stories were 100% true. I was blinded by them,

which resulted in me being unable to see reality as it is. Instead of truly being in the moment, experiencing what was, I projected my fears from the past onto these situations. This led to a distorted interpretation of reality and suffering…

Step 5: Buddha meets Morpheus

I love it when “the matrix” starts to shake a bit and I realize that I might have been fooled by my own projections. This is the world-famous moment of “taking the leap of faith” of jumping into the unknown. Off we go:

If none of the three above-described beliefs and/or stories are 100% true, what is true then? What would be “truer” or more powerful thoughts? Here’s what I’ve figured out:

• What if everybody found the gift game exhausting; but nobody had the guts to speak up? What if the main love languages of my family were words of affirmation or acts of service? We could stop this madness!
• What if it wasn’t my duty to be somebody’s emotional trash can? What would happen if I politely told the naysayers to stop? Or eloquently changed the topic? Maybe they have no clue/awareness about what they're doing.
• What if I developed the communication skills to have a mature and respectful conversation with everybody involved? Could we find a fair compromise with less "food coma" and wasted time?

That’s it. “Healthy”, courageous doubts and questions as a door opener to radical inner change. Life never ceases to amaze me. :-)

Step 6: The growth challenge

Step six is crucial and/but unfortunately the part where a lot of people stop. That’s why they “fail”.

We’re allowed to take aligned action. Because knowing things and embodying, living them are two different pair of shoes.

Choose one of the three challenges – for this article I chose the food matter – and ask yourself “What would I need to do to make this happen?” Create an action plan with "alivelines" (I don’t like the word “deadline”):

1. I want to understand my needs and boundaries. I’ll ponder on them and create a list. Aliveline: By the end of this week.
2. I choose to upgrade my communication skills by reading Dr. Rosenberg’s book on non-violent communication. I’ll need two weeks to finish it.
3. I’ll make a call to schedule a catch-up with the family member who’s managing the food situation. Aliveline: 3 days after finishing the book.
4. If that call already made me go into “fight, flight or freeze mode”, I book a session with a trusted professional, to get some tips on how to navigate through the conversation.
5. Before the actual conversation takes place, I allow myself to suck, make sure I sleep enough, meditate, and ask the universe for guidance.

Step 7: 100% commitment

How do we make sure that we stick to our plans? Some people like the idea of signing off the just described action steps. Some like to create a post about it, to increase the social pressure; some want to share it with a friend.

Other people like to remind themselves of why they commit to this journey. What is the deepest, most inspiring, most honest set of reasons why this task is worth all your love, commitment, and focus? In most cases I get an answer along the lines of

• Because I deserve to live a healthy life full of love and peace. Or:
• Because it’s my birthright to experience the world in its most beautiful way.
• Or: Because I choose to live and lead by example.

Whatever your reasons are, write them down!

Exercise recap

Here a short recap of the seven main questions resp. tasks for your most wonder-ful Christmas celebration:

1. In a “perfect” world, how would your ideal Christmas look, sound, smell, taste and feel like?
2. What annoys or stresses you about the current way of celebrating the festive season?
3. What limiting stories – or disempowering beliefs? – do you tell yourself, which keep you stuck in this scenario?
4. Is that really true? Is there no way this could be changed?
5. What are more powerful beliefs that will contribute to your “epic” Christmas?
6. Pick one of these new beliefs and note 3-5 tangible action steps with “alivelines”, which you’ll implement over the next 14-21 days.
7. Why do you commit to this adventure? Be radically honest.

That’s it. Fingers crossed! Feel free to share your success stories in a direct message with me. I’m always looking forward to hearing from you.

PS: Could you do me a huge favor? Share this article with at least one person you truly love or care about. Thank you.

PPS: If you were intending to do this anyway and/or when you’ve successfully gone through this exercise, talk about your transformation (online/offline), to inspire others and to contribute to a more peaceful and aligned festive season.