How to Make Every Day a Great Day

When's the last time you had a bad day?

I want to challenge the very idea of bad days because it doesn't serve anyone to label days as "bad." 

And I'm all about being effective. So let's start this discussion by defining a what a "great day" is.

When I say "great day," I'm not talking about society's ideals of the high achiever's ultimate productivity. I'm not pandering to the false idea that we can make every day extraordinary—that undermines the very sense of the word.

I mean it in the sense where you are satisfied and your cup isn't completely drained at the end of each day. You feel good about yourself and your accomplishments by your own standard's, not your boss's or partner's or parents' standards.

I recognize that I'm making a bold claim, but if you keep an open mind, I think you'll see how very possible, even necessary, it is to stop having bad days.

Here's how to do it, and we'll cover each step and more in depth:

1. Stop labeling any day bad or good.

2. Create a daily foundation of contentment and commitment to following joy.

3. Decide ahead of time how you want to respond to situations outside of your control.

4. Redefine "average" days—design them to be lower key so that you can enjoy them.

5. View excellent days as a treat, not an expectation.

WHY BAD DAYS ARE DETRIMENTAL FOR EVERYONE

When we have bad days, everyone around us suffers. 

Emotional contagion is very very real and whether you are a leader at home, at work, or in your community, you can spread emotional ease or disease just by stepping into a room with another human.

A leader is someone who can help themselves and others get where they want and need to go. 

Are you able to do that if you have already labeled the day as bad? 

Are you able to best work towards your desired future or serve your boss, colleagues, community, household, heck, even your dog, when you're down because you're viewing everything from the lens of "having a bad day"?

You know what the answer is.

When you are a victim of your circumstances, you grit your teeth so you can "get through" that meeting.

And everything goes downhill from there.

MEMBERS OF MARGINALIZED GROUPS CAN'T AFFORD TO HAVE BAD DAYS

As a woman of color, who wins when I have bad days?

All the things I stand against: a racist, ableist, ageist, heteronormative patriarchy fueled by capitalist ideals of perfect productivity.

If women and especially women of color are too tired and too unhappy under the weight of victimhood to effectively resist, challenge, or change issues that crop up at home, at work, and in society...nothing really changes in favor of a more equitable world.

Because the more privilege one has, the less incentive there is to change status quo.

Therefore, I now grant you worthy of having NO MORE BAD DAYS!

So even if you now and again spend a whole day lying in bed watching netflix, if rest and getting sucked into someone else story is what you need right now to rejuvenate, own that.

It is not a bad day. It is self-care and as Audre Lorde calls it, an act of political warfare! 

No storming the capitol necessary. You can be proud of that.

WHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF BEING PROUD OF EVERY DAY

A big part of our issue is that we have so much sensory and informational input that we get overwhelmed and bogged down from processing it. 

Our hustle-minded society spins a story of inadequacy that we often buy into if we aren't constantly busy or "productive." 

But, funny, what do you do when your batteries are low on any of your devices? You plug them in and give them a little break to recharge.

Humans work much the same way. If you find yourself feeling low, that is not the time to be making any decisions that aren't about getting you back to charged. 

Because you can't lead anyone anywhere with a dead battery.

Sure, you can try beating up your phone or trying to guilt it into work longer. 

You can try yelling at your phone or threatening it, but guess what, your phone still won't work until you go charge it up again. And neither will you.

REMOVE THE JUDGEMENT TO FEEL BETTER

In addition, humans love labels - but I believe labeling our days as "bad" or "good" is actually counterproductive. 

Judgements and labels are often prescribed by society, so when we are labeling situations or things as good or bad, we are actually taking away nuance that can provide meaning and satisfaction. 

We are living by societal scripting instead of our own values.

And don't get me wrong, humans have evolved to label things because it is useful for us to quickly navigate our world by putting together patterns and predicting outcomes.

But when it comes to labeling our days as good or bad, it actually makes our lives more difficult.

It's a lot like the same all or nothing thinking we get about dieting—that once we break a diet, we might as well give up and go down the rabbit hole. 

And what's worse is that with that label of "bad" firmly attached, our brain start looking for more ways in which the day is bad.

Because our brains are not fact-finding machines. They are proof finding machines. You can program it to seek evidence for anything. Which is honestly SO cool, and it's how we can reprogram our minds for anything.

But because of this fixation, the very label of "bad day," the very fact that it's a concept we allow as a possibility, gets in our way of having great days.

Because our minds are constantly scanning, tacitly, at the subconscious level..."is this a bad day??"

PRACTICE REFRAMING FREQUENTLY TO SHAKE "BAD DAYS"

Nothing in the world is inherently "good" or "bad," only our human stories about it can label it so. 

So even a seemingly "bad" day can have loads of victories, lessons learned, laughable moments and so much more, that we will miss if we are wallowing in it being "bad."

For example during a challenging moment, have you ever heard or said "we'll be laughing about this later"?

Well, honestly, there is no reason to wait. You can enjoy the absurdity of the moment at any time. It'll probably help you problem solve better, too.

We instead can remember that no matter how many things outside of our control happen, we can decide how we respond. 

We can get upset (and we often regret the things we do when we are upset).

...Or we can just get curious about how to resolve the issue and prevent it in the future. There is always something to learn. No need to affix the label "bad day" to it.

So for me, labeling an ENTIRE DAY as bad, is no longer a choice for us who recognize how detrimental it is for ourselves, the people in our lives and society itself when we have bad days.

HOW TO MAKE EVERY DAY A GREAT DAY

Inevitably, there will be things outside of our control that we would not prefer. So how can we make our days lovely and wonderful even when these circumstances arise?

Well I have some ideas which I'll share, but let's start with first things first. 

The foundation of our day is the morning.

Our very first goal, before we make any other decisions is to get to a place of contentment. This is our foundation.

After starting your day from a place of contentment, the next step is committing to following your spirit of joy. 

From there, no matter what happens, all you ever need to do is get back to that place of contentment and recommit to following your spirit of joy.

It really is that simple, but let me explain.

Starting your day from contentment is doing whatever you need to do to assure yourself everything is ok. In this moment, you are here, and alive and well enough is all you need. 

For some it may be a gratitude practice. For some it may be looking around for tigers or bears before leaving bed. For others it's meditation or yoga or a morning walk or journaling, or sipping a hot coffee or tea.

Honestly, it does not matter what it is, as long as you do what it takes to get you to that place of contentment before you make a bunch of decisions.

This is your oxygen mask. You must nail this before you start worrying about your partner, kids, boss, dog, or anyone else.

Because making a bunch of decisions from a place of feeling unwell—worry. Stress. Disappointment. Anger. Fear. will only result in the multiplicative effect of these emotions.

And then the contagion begins.

Now the second part: the commitment to your spirit of joy. 

It is my belief that it is the one true commitment you must make. If you are committed to your spirit of joy—not pleasure, not perfectionist ideals.

Just commit to doing what will bring joy in your life, even the moment.

That's when you will take action like a true leader. Joy is what we experience when we feel invigorated and fulfilled.

That is where inspirational leaders come from. They don't have to try to be inspirational.

They are simply committed to following their spirit of joy. They are in touch with what truly fulfills them.

Now you may be wondering, this sounds kinda woo woo, how do I do something like that?

Well, as women of color we tend to be givers and like to think about how we can give more and do more to make the world a better place. 

So my answer is, ask yourself these two questions each day: "what would I like to make my life about today?" and "what would make this moment more wonderful?"

MINDFULNESS: DISMANTLING NEGATIVITY & RIDING THE FLOW OF THE DAY

If you think of life as a river, with a natural flow, we can do a couple of things in our lives with this river. 

We can float down the river in our little boat, nudging ourselves free or asking others to give us a nudge from time to time as we get stuck.

We can resist the flow by trying to control or delay the timing or actions of things, carrying our boat above our heads as we try to march up the gravely bottom.

We can also try to push the river by trying to rush into our own success. Paddling and paddling with all our might to hurry up and get to the end. And perhaps drowning ourselves with the tiresome, floundering effort.

When you are riding the flow of the day, you recognize that things are going to come up. 

So you can just decide ahead of time that it's not going to bother you. You know how people choose to act, and you know that their actions are circumstances are their choices, and thus are outside of your control.

What do you do then? You can use Curiosity-based, Values-focused Thought management to get you back into the flow.

For those of you that know my CVT Method, you are well aware that circumstances don't cause your feelings.

Your thoughts, whether conscious or subconscious, trigger an emotional response. 

So if you already know that there are going to be things you can't control, and things you wouldn't prefer that are going to happen, you don't need to spend any time worrying about it, and instead decide ahead of time what you are going to do. 

If you are a client of mine, then you know that I advocate for curiosity to be the response we choose when we get the biochemical feedback in our bodies of displeasure. 

And if and when you find your face flushed with frustration, or whatever your biological signals of unhappiness and emotional arousal are, you can choose to use that as an indicator to pause and do what you need to do to get back to your foundation: back to contentment, and recommit to following joy.

No need to label it as a "bad day."

Because the only thing that causes bad days, is our negative thinking—our stories about how things "should" be. 

Our own ideals for our self and others. 

Our unwillingness to slow our minds down and think our own thoughts on purpose, from a place of contentment, with the intention of fulfillment.

THIS is the point of mindfulness.

An effective mindfulness practice is not about being able to meditate like a seasoned yogi. 

It's about being able to quickly recognize when you have drifted out of that zone of contentment, and are now making decisions from a place of pain, fear, scarcity, pessimism, or confusion. Then take a moment to reset.

At any time we can choose to nudge ourselves free from being stuck, and get back into the flow of the river.

RECALIBRATE YOUR "AVERAGE"

I think a lot of recovering overachievers have been programmed to regard the word "average" with distain. 

I know I have.

So I'd like to propose a different way of looking at it:

Excellence can ONLY exist if average things exist. Therefore, not every day can be excellent. Not even MOST days can be excellent. 

Craft your days so that on average, your day is lovely for you.

So I'd like to propose a different way of looking at it:

Excellence can ONLY exist if average things exist. Therefore, not every day can be excellent. Not even MOST days can be excellent. 

Craft your days so that on average, your day is lovely for you.

A final thought on excellent vs. average days: tell me, what makes a treat a treat? I believe a treat is something we like that doesn't happen all the time.

If you're ambitious, make extraordinary days treats—something you relish from time to time as they come, but don't expect constantly.

Now, that doesn't mean treats and idyllic days can't happen regularly or even often. You get to choose! 

Just be sure not to tie your sense of self worth to it. Remember, let this excellence occur as a result of following your joy.

LET'S RECAP:

For review, here's how to make every day a great day:

1. Stop labeling any day bad or good

2. Create a daily foundation of contentment and commitment to following joy

3. Decide ahead of time how you want to respond to situations outside of your control

4. Redefine "average" days—design them to be lower key so that you can enjoy them

5. View excellent days as a treat, not an expectation.

If you struggle with feeling abundant in time, resources and ability to craft the life you choose, this is exactly the kind of thing I help clients with when we work together.

I recently published an episode of the Career Glow Up podcast on this same subject. You can listen to it here:

www.uplevelcoaching.org/blog/011