How Low Confidence Can Boost Your Success and Happiness

The internet is full of videos that show someone whose singing skills are terrible and yet they stride on stage brimming with confidence. They are genuinely shocked and often devastated at being told that their skills are not good enough. You can see some examples in this video.

"Confidence unfettered by talent"

Yet, we are told by self-help gurus that if only you have enough confidence, you can achieve anything that you want to. Social media fuels our narcissism and we admire leaders who ooze confidence. Armed with a selfie-stick and a phone, we have millions of people posting videos of what they had for breakfast and truly believe that the world is holding their breath to know more...

There are people who have fallen off cliffs and have broken bones before they were able to break the internet. As a teacher of mine in school had explained it best, "confidence unfettered by talent".

I just finished reading "Confidence - overcoming low self-esteem, insecurity and self-doubt" by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic. In this book, he shows that beyond making you feel good, high confidence has no genuine benefits, and it may even be self-destructive. Low confidence, however, helps us make realistic risk assessments, protects us from disastrous situations, and encourages us to become more competent—which is the real key to achievement

Why just low-enough confidence helps

1. Recalibrates goals: When your confidence level is just-low-enough it can help you recalibrate your goals so they are (a) more realistic and (b) attainable. People are often told that they should focus on only their strengths. While our strengths get us hired, it is our weaknesses that get people fired. Paying attention to negative feedback is not easy. But that is what helps us get realistic in our improvement plans. Confidence is a by-product of success.
2. Humility is the sign of growth mindset: Humility is the ability to view yourself accurately as an individual with talents as well as flaws. A learn-it-all leader is more likeable than a know-it-all.

"Lower self-confidence reduces not only the chances of coming across as arrogant, but also of being deluded. Indeed, people with low self-confidence are more likely to admit their mistakes — instead of blaming others — and rarely take credit for others’ accomplishments."

3. Build competence - confidence will follow: Low confidence is only demotivating when you are not serious about your goals. Confidence is feeling capable, while competence is being capable. Confidence can make us feel good, but it does not necessarily reflect our actual abilities or performance.

Putting the idea into practice

1. Focus on developing your skills and knowledge. Instead of trying to boost your confidence artificially or pretending to be more confident than you are, invest your time and energy in acquiring new skills and knowledge that will increase your competence and performance. Seek feedback, learn from your mistakes, and challenge yourself to improve.
2. Embrace uncertainty and discomfort. Instead of avoiding situations that make you feel insecure or anxious, see them as opportunities to grow and learn. Don’t let your low confidence stop you from pursuing your goals or trying new things. Use your low confidence as a signal that you need to prepare more, work harder, or seek help from others.
3. Be authentic and humble. Instead of hiding your insecurities or flaws, be honest and humble about them. Don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes, ask for help, or praise others. Being authentic and humble will make you more trustworthy, respectful, and likable, which will enhance your personal and professional relationships.

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