How Living Alone Changed Me

I had heard so much about living alone, and all the pros and cons that come along with it. I started living away from my parents around 5 years back, but for the first time, this year I lived alone, without any roommate, and though I thought it would not be very different from living with a roommate, I could not be more wrong about it!

To start with, living alone is transformative in terms of your mindset, habits, and how you perceive life, so if you get a chance, you definitely should do it once in your lifetime (I’ll come back to why I say once in a lifetime).?

For a very long time, I believed that I was supposed to be extremely disciplined with my habits including waking up early, exercising, eating healthy, cleaning the house every day, etc. I thought this to be self-care, but what I missed more times than I should have was that I was not listening to my body and that self-care is really about listening to the body and mind, to allow oneself to feel comfortable and free (This is very different from being lazy).?

So while having a routine, and a to-do list is important, it is equally necessary to break the routine to give yourself a leeway to just enjoy (which could be something as simple as sleeping for an extra hour and skipping exercising on some days). Previously, when living with a roommate, there was always a reason to back up some task not done (late movie night, friends coming over, etc), but this time it was about being at peace with the fact that it is completely okay if some things are unfinished, just because I feel like doing something else at that time.

Coming to terms with not following a routine and not seeing it as an inability to follow through or being lazy, and actually enjoying the change in routine (intentional or unintentional) without feeling guilty for not following through with the plan, has made me so much more flexible (ahem rather less stubborn) and happier in everyday life.?

Needless to say that living alone heightens your senses greatly and makes you super alert (I know exactly which door in my house makes what kind of sound and how it is different from others). But it also makes you super comfortable with silence. Which in turn makes you more receptive to your intuitions, and people’s intentions as well as mindful of your own thoughts. At first, dealing with all of this might seem a little overwhelming but once you settle with it, it is almost like you can control how your subconscious is allowed to affect your conscious. All of this combined not only makes an individual more patient with themselves but also with others around them. And when you are not rushing yourself or people, life automatically becomes a lot smoother.?

Further living alone has taught me to find joy in the simple things of life. On most days, for me, one of the best times of the day is when I go out and smile at the security guard, run errands (buying milk, fruits, etc), and meet the same people and see how there is a sense of familiarity that rushes in their eyes, smile at strangers whom I see almost every other day, and pick up a random flower fallen on the street from someone’s garden (I don’t recommend doing this though).

I always thought that the only way to build a human connection is to have a deep conversation with someone, but the truth is it only takes a smile, one kind word, lending an ear, or sometimes a little humor (I highly recommend dad jokes because no one can get offended by them). Also, being by myself has made me understand the importance of small talk (something I used to run from). I never thought I would say this but I also started enjoying it. Though when I say small talk, I mean intentional small talk and not the kind you do just for the sake of it. It makes people feel heard and seen, which is one of the kindest acts you could do for someone.?

Being by yourself teaches you to manage your finances, cook delicious healthy food (yes it is possible), ensure you lock the door properly before falling asleep, balancing discipline and fun, taking yourself out, doing an effort to socialize, becoming comfortable with your own thoughts, motivating yourself and finding happiness in everyday things, it brings you closer to your creative flow because there is nothing more inspirational than coming face to face with human’s quirks and how beautifully twisted we all are and it is the dark and light parts together that completes our picture.?

Though my idea of living alone as I thought to be previously as something to be permanent thing has now shifted to a process one should go through but in the long run, we as social creatures are not made for it especially if you are someone whose personality inclines more toward introversion. Because though it teaches you to take care of yourself, it is easy to forget what it is like to be taken care of. Solitude is a beautiful place to be in, but loneliness is a close neighbor. Plus, after having experienced both sides, I strongly believe (research also supports this) that our biological make-up is such that we are supposed to be with people we love because taking care of someone and being taken care of helps us blossom and reach our best spring.?

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