How to Live a Meaningful Life

Summary: a happy and meaningful life is completely in your control. It is independent of social status (money or prestige), education or chance because all it requires is a sense of purpose and acceptance of your circumstances, two things that reside in your mind and you can therefore directly change.

Suicide is therefore never acceptable because a meaningful life is accessible to everyone. Instead of taking your life and hurting the people around you, reinvigorate yourself to inspire others by living with energy and purpose. When you correctly re-frame your mindset, life becomes too meaningful for suicide – let death come when it comes.

Why This Is Important

Two years ago a good friend of mine took his life and I spent the following months thinking about what I could have done to prevent it. Even during my time at university, suicide was such a widespread and devastating problem that not attempting to address it left a lingering sense of guilt that I couldn’t ignore. Addressing the problem at scale is difficult because I am not an expert in mental health and because people commit suicide for different reasons, but I also feel that my friend’s death and my own insights can contribute to this problem in some meaningful way.

Instead of directly addressing mental health or suicide, I am going to extrapolate and try to tackle a question that all of us can relate to and will ask ourselves (if you haven’t already) at some point in our lives. I know this is a question my friend could not answer before he took his life, and so if I can answer it in a robust and concise way, maybe I can prevent other people from feeling how my friend felt before he took his life: how can we live a meaningful life?

I am not so arrogant to think my approach is correct, but I know the first step towards achieving a meaningful life is taking the time to think about what that means. Here’s my hypothesis:

No matter if you’re rich or you’re poor, no matter your social status or level of education, everyone can live a meaningful life because everyone has a purpose, and everyone can be successful.

Everyone Has a Purpose

Generally speaking, having a sense of purpose means feeling like we belong to something bigger than ourselves.  Some people find this difficult because they feel their jobs are tedious or their lives are routine – they wake up, go to work, come home to family and chores, and sleep. As an alternative to viewing life this way, I think we can re-frame our daily life and experiences in terms of how we benefit others. In turn, we can feel good about what we do and lead a happier and more purposeful life.

For example, my mother is a skin care specialist but she doesn’t say that’s her job. Instead, she says her job is to build people’s confidence and self-esteem. The result is that she goes to work every day looking for ways to help people feel good about themselves, and in turn, she feels good because she believes she is helping others.

This re-framing exercise is not unique to skin care specialists; it can be applied to almost every profession. For a basketball coach, do you only teach shooting and passing drills or do you also keep kids off the street and develop camaraderie? For an investment fund manager, do you follow a one-dimensional investment approach for all of your clients, or do you care for their wealth as though it was your own? Often times it isn’t the career that lacks purpose, but rather the open-mindedness to think about how our daily tasks can benefit others. Re-framing our job and daily experiences won’t remove some of the boring tasks in our lives, but it should help us find a greater sense of purpose in the things that we do, and in turn help us live a more meaningful life.

This re-framed mentality can change otherwise small tasks and routine jobs into meaningful experiences that enhance our sense of purpose. You don’t have to be wealthy or in a position of authority to have a purpose and an impact on others; everyone can be great because everyone can serve.

Everyone Can be Successful

Webster’s dictionary defines success as the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect or fame [1]. This is the conventional definition of success but it is inconsistent with my own experiences with successful people; I have met people who do not have wealth, respect or fame who I consider successful, and I have met people with some degree of wealth who I do not consider successful. In fact, I grew up with minimal wealth in government housing with 3 siblings and a single mother, and always felt our lives were whole and successful. Given my empirical experiences with my family and people that I’ve met, how can we think about success in a different way?

Famous UCLA basketball coach John Wooden defines success as:

Peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best you are capable of becoming [2].

I love this definition of success because it is not dependent on external factors like wealth or achievements. Instead, it is dependent on internal factors that are accessible to everybody, that is, their effort and their own self-satisfaction. Instead of defining success as an objective measure of wealth, John Wooden defines success as a relative measure of your capabilities and effort.

In this way life is like a card game. You don’t control which cards you get – the dealer deals the cards and some hands are better than others. But what you can control is whether you play that hand to the best of your ability. If you can honestly tell yourself that you did the best in which you’re capable in whatever aspect of life you are evaluating (e.g a job promotion, class grade, relationships) then you should consider yourself successful independent of the outcome.

This is not to say that we should not strive for a dream job or a big payout – all else equal, more achievements or wealth is better. However, it is incorrect to say that more money equates to more success or a more meaningful life. Your true measure of success is not determined by achieving some material goal, but instead by your personal satisfaction in knowing that you gave it everything you had – you cannot ask more of yourself than your best effort.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I think people should try to answer two important questions to live a happier and more meaningful life: what is your purpose, and how can you be successful?

With respect to your purpose, you should think about how you benefit society and the people around you. With respect to success, you should redefine your success in terms of your own effort and capabilities instead of outcomes and decisions outside of your control.

If done correctly, no matter if you’re rich or you’re poor, no matter your social status or level of education, you can live a meaningful life because everyone has a purpose, and everyone can be successful.

* This post was originally published at www.lang-michael.com